NEWS
Jesuz
Christ. Suicide 0 Barkingside 3. Just what the fuck has happened
to our form? Have we hit a slump at just the wrong time? Something has happened
and I don't know what it is. Those who stayed at home today in the warm
watching the Bill can relive that lovely moment again. For those who decided
that watching an instantly forgettable first half and a wish it was forgettable
second half will not only be angry at the way we meekly surrendered but
where the general performance has gone. Some are blaming Nicky English as
new assistant (including, apparently, the players) but I honestly think
that things were looking shaky even before then. Hopefully, this is a blip
and a temporary one at that. Vile is vital.
Before I continue, and being in that kinda mood anyway, am I the only one glad (in an extremely perverse way) that we're out of the LSC now? The "Unbeaten since 1975" mantra was starting to play on my tits, and it was always bound to rebound horribly on us. Do we ever learn? Obviously not. We ballsed up for AFC Wallingford, certainly, and bigging up playing against Ford in the next round before even winning tonight only encourages the other team. Here's my straightforward advice to all at AFCW who think that this sort of approach is a good idea : try doing it when we've actually DONE something first.
Anyway...
Plus points: We did actually have two shots which their goalie saved well
Minus points: Worst performance in our history? Lowest satisfaction rating amongst the fans. No obvious spirit or likelyhood of getting anywhere.
The referee's a ........... : Hmm. Average.
Weather with you: Arctic. Even the polar bears had second thoughts tonight and watched Liverpool vs Arsenil instead. I seriously hope the predicted snow due postpones Saturday's game.
Them: Bought three coaches down, no idea why. Weren't THAT many of them, but one lone Barkingsider did cheer me up slightly with a "We can see you sneaking out" to us.
Fight fight fight: Good one on the pitch after their second goal, which basically involved 20 out of the 22 players and one of the Barkingside players being kicked into a hoarding. Amazingly nobody was maimed or sent off....
Truth is stranger than fiction: How depressing was this game? Seriously, it almost got onto a pre-MK Franchise game at times. Has brutal, horrible reality set in?
Anything else? Nothing I haven't mentioned already. Our defence is still a pile of goat semen.
So, was it worth it? Is the Pope protestant?
In a nutshell: Let's face it, Vile are going to stuff us and whip our arses. And we'll be lucky to finish 10th in the CCL, the slump is going to continue for a long time yet :(
Horses
cock. Pratt and Whitney 2 Rolls Royce 0 and finally the defensive
shittyness undoes us. I had forgotten what these sort of games were like,
but I now remember that they are games of major frustration sauteed with
liberal amounts of annoyance and a pinch of utter embarrasment to taste.
Nothing was going to go right at all today : the team looked lethargic beyond
belief. Had they been on a all-nighter on the Friday? They certainly didn't
look sharp, the only time we did look OK was about 5 minutes before half
time (presumably to temper the HT bollocking TE was about to deliver). Our
shooting made government crime statistics look accurate, and I've mentioned
our defence far too often. Quite frankly, it looks like CCL again for us
next season, because we'll struggle in the Ryman.
Anyway, as I have to go on...
Plus points: The full time whistle.
Minus points: Losing. Playing shite. Giving the ball away. Accuracy of shooting, especially to their goalkeeper. Inaccuracy of defending successfully. Thinking we were going to walk it. Sluggishness.
The referee's a ..... : Thought he was a right petty little shit sometimes.
Hartley Whitney the town: Quaint little town as it goes. Quite pretty as well. It really did feel a bit like an FA Cup fixture for them I would suppose, I did fully expect the local paper to display an article with the local butcher who would be stopping early on Saturday just so he can wish HW the best in the big match. Did let itself down though by not having its chippy open on Saturday lunchtime : still, the nearby coffee shop did a divine ham bagel with salad. Oh, and its public toilets were open which is more than you can say about anywhere in London.
Hartley Whitney FC: One of the nicer teams visited this season. Very welcoming, beer tent went down well apparently. Quite a few of them. Wished us to come back whenever we wanted, reportedly, though I do wonder if the on-pitch performance had anything to do with it. Stadium described as a "railway station"....
On the slopes: Their pitch had a touch of the Yeovil/old Aston Villa about it. So much so that CUNW asked "has anyone got a spirit level?"
Point to ponder: Was that THE worst first half performance in the history of AFCW?
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Kris Stewart signing a programme for a young kid. Not the first time it has happened either, apparently. Just hope for his sake the kid wasn't secretly getting him to sign an income tax form. (2) The ref going into the crowd after the HW first goal. Er, why? (3) A Flock Of Seagulls being played on the PA before the game.
Franchise FC watch: Lost 1-0 in the FA Cup at Walsall. Hahahahahah - hope that the Midlanders get a plum tie away at Man U or Arsenil. That will REALLY piss off Rent Boy and the Failed Builder. Apparently between 50 and 200 of them there, I'm sure one figure is more believable than the other.
Now, you may have
seen that they've signed an agreement with the Hockey Stadium to play there
from next season at the earliest. Which means they have to rip the astroturf
up, put in decent turnstiles etc etc. Of course, they haven't got the go-ahead
from an H&S point of view, they're still nowhere near getting their
super-dooper all sining all dancing mega 42000 28000 stadium in Denbigh.
But hey, Koppout will be proud of it and it's best to let him have his little
bit of glory for once. It will make the next series of cockups and humiliations
just as funny.
Oh, and one of their few remaining fans who isn't Scottish or carries bags around is reportedly fucking off to North London for good. Shame.
Anything else? Yeah, Withdean won.
So, was it worth it? Urgh
In a nutshell: Hit the bar then 60 seconds later go 2-0 down...
23 January 2003
OK,
bit late but I'm still having to adjust my body clock after going in deepest
Essex. And those rabies shots still bloody hurt. Anyway, what of Friends
of Ilford 0 Foes of Koppel 3? Well, it was actually a little bit one
sided TBH, but then given that we had a full strength team out and they
were a pub side (Essex Intermediate League or something anyway), it was
a little bit disappointing. Then again, perhaps with 400 or so turning up
at the Ilford FC/Athletics Track ground they raised their game. Didn't do
them much good though, we went 3-0 before HT with Petty netting two. Second
half was really a complete waste of time, money and effort, with only a
couple of injuries for us and Petty hitting the side netting worth mentioning.
Oh well
Onto the usual gubbings....
Plus points: We won. 3-0. Two games more to be won and we're in the final.
Minus points: More bloody injuries. Dull.
The referee's a ........... : Decided to annoy me by turning up about 15 minutes late which meant I could have drunk more of my Guinness. Inconsiderate tosser.
Them: About 10 of them showed up. Quite vocal in parts (OK, they shouted loudly). No idea what their real ground is like but Ilford's ground is kewl. Very nice bar, cheap too. Good quality food (£2 for a double burger, despite their cooker breaking down).
Chants would be a fine thing: A bit of an old skool revival of sorts in the second half. Either a group flashback to more challenging times or just sheer and utter boredom. Anyway, "Oh Hamburg Town is full of porn" was heard. Hmm. "We hate Southall" another one. Perhaps the height (or was it nadir?) of the vocal airings was the ubiqutous "Charlie Koppel sucks a penis, Charlie Koppel sucks a [insert name of animal/mammal here]'s penis". Though I am sure the mention of giraffes and Reg Davis is not to be broadcast on a family website like this one.
Point to ponder: Does Petty only ever score goals in cup competitions?
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Your humble and esteemed editor managing to annoy the bar staff in the Cauliflower even before he got served. Well, they WERE taking a long time...... (2) Why were there so many coppers? OK, the Ilford firm (probably called the Bum Bandits or something) may have been putting out calls to their top boys but you would have had more trouble at a Franchise match than last night. (3) Speaking of the coppers, any other hetro male out there who didn't want to be arrested by the WPC with the blonde highlights? (4) Didn't Ilford's ground remind you of Bayern Munich's ground? Except the size of it. And the terracing. And the location
Anything else? Not really.
Was it worth it? Actually, I was asked this question whilst disembarking at Liverpool Street on the way back. I think you can guess my reaction...
In a nutshell: Dons are on their way to Dagnum..............
18 January 2003
Well,
rather amazingly, we managed to win a game without feeling the need to go
2-0 down before pulling back. This time, we decided to only go 1-0 down
before finishing it Horses 2 Gee Gees 1. Our march towards second
place continues, and in truth we could have won it by a couple more goals
had our shooting not been as accurate as an Iraqi missle checklist. Our
defence though still seems rather shaky. In fact, I lost the amount of times
I panicked whenever we made a shite determined attempt to clear ranks.
More work needed methinks. As for the game itself, it was OK in the first
half - we did go 1-0 down after some sloppy play yet again, but Coops equalised
about 5 minutes later. We mostly attacked until Coop's stunning curler on
the stroke of half time killed them off.
Second half? Dunno, it was bloody cold again and it sort of petered out to a point of dullness. Still, at least one of their men got sent off for elbowing. Idiot.
As for the rest of it...
Plus points: We won. After going 1-0 down. Polished finishes from Cooper. Solid debuts from the new boys Lawson and Frankum (doesn't that sound like a music hall act?).
Minus points: Shooting practice next time? Oh and stop giving me heart problems when defending.
The referee's a....... : That kid who took the Withdean game. Widely considered as the best ref going in the CCL, he's destined for great things providing he forgoes all notions of common sense and accepts bribes from opposition managers. Totally fucked up a penalty for us though when he gave a free kick in the box.
Them: Quite a few turned up, though rather strangely they were alll dressed in suits - go figure. Must be some non-league thing I suppose. See, professionally Stone Island and Polo are preferred clobber, in this league you're nobody if you don't wear Moss Bros.
Injured in the tackle: G&G had a female physio. Insert (fnar) jokes about stiffened groins here.
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Was it midget football day today? The G&G keeper looked 4 foot 11, Frankum looked like a Lilliput refugee and one of the linesman was shorter than the corner flag. Even your humble and esteemed editor would have been more like Kevin Francis out there today. (2) Cold. Granted, not as cold as the Southall acts of GBH but still enough to make polar bears think again before setting out. (3) When was the last time a debuting player was made captain? (4) TE drinking a pint of bitter before kick-off. Hardly Gatorade....
Franchise watch: Does anyone really care about them any more? Apart from Koppout's constant fuck-ups? They drew 1-1 up Wolves today, no idea who Uncle Reg was supporting. No idea how many of them went up there, but it is probably less than the amount of clients on the Matthew Kelly Babysitting service.
Anything else? Not really, pretty dull on the football pitch. Oh, and G&G are a form team, which makes the win better.
In a nutshell: Still keeping in there.
As
it goes, I think a good reason for the somewhat mutedness today was down
to the long anticipated Open Meeting, which to be fair could have been quite
nasty but instead ended with applause. Obviously, the ground stuff has been
the top subject, and I still stand by everything I have said/wrote on the
subject. I am sure somebody will publish full details somewhere about this,
I wasn't making notes as I was too busy trying to get fresh air (seriously).
Perhaps the most important thing is that things are still up in the air
- trying to get the right planning permissions for T&M could take a
while, if it ever does happen, and AFCW need to move quickly to sort something
out (though we have dispensation to have an option of two grounds if one
falls through). No funds will be put into T&M without DT approval.
You can read the rest elsewhere (suffice to say, merchandise sales are excellent and a hawk could be bought in to sort the pigeons out), and I wouldn't form your own opinons on it all from reading this site :) Overall, the mood was very positive, though apart from AFCW needing to get the audio in the other bar sorted, I still have some sort of uneasyness about the whole T&M thing. Just a hunch, just a hunch...
12 January 2002
Like quite a few Wombles, I spent a crisp mid-winter's Sunday in the arse end of SM4 at the somewhat less than advertised "open day" at Imperial Fields, home of Tooting and Mitcham.
Now, a lot has been said about this, and I will add my €0.02 here as well. I'll cut to the obvious stuff first - it is a very nice sports stadium, even if it does have the feel of a shell or a yet-to-be-occupied newly built industrial estate. It clearly has been pretty well designed terrace wise, it's got a lot of space around it. Parking could be fun, the roof at both ends needs to be extended and a bit of wet weather protection wouldn't go amiss. And of course the much vaunted (hur hur) drainage system needs to be looked at.
So, nothing can go wrong can it? Well, let's just say that things aren't as straightforward as they may appear above. It's difficult to articulately explain this, but, well, how shall I, er, put this? Basically the whole thing doesn't feel right. My gut feeling doesn't like this whole scenario one bit.
Actually, I'll get right to it - the whole thing could be a disaster for AFCW, and I'd never thought saying that a move back to Merton would be wrong would EVER happen. But it has, and I think a lot of people are thinking the same way. What's bought this all about? Basically, there are three major bones of contention : (1) It's somebody else's ground. (2) It's owned by Ron Noades. (3) It's being plugged as "temporary" and people are having a hard job believing it. In other words, it's 1991 mark 2.
Am I being unfair? Well, maybe, but I really do get the feeling that AFCW thought that it being Merton people would jump with open arms at it. Except that they haven't - in fact, uneasyness (severe in parts) is the order of the day. The whole thing has left more questions than answers - why is Ks suddenly not good enough? Are we going to be at T&M for the next three years or longer? Temporarily? Permanently? How much is it going to cost us? Why haven't other grounds like Sutton and Carshalton been considered? What's Merton Council's role in this? Who's going to get the money from the bar etc? All these questions except the last one (answer: Uncle Ron) have yet to be answered, and given that this whole thing seems to be in very advanced stages is fast becoming a situation akin to WFC and Dublin under Hammam or MK under Rent Boy.
The biggest bone of contention of all seems to be the lack of consultation the fans (ie the club's "owners") have got over this. Comments have been made - not by me before I get slagged off for it - that having this open day, then an open meeting all before the Ryman's deadline stinks of a fait accompli. That is not a good state of affairs if true - if there's one thing that AFCW was not supposed to have happen is for the same mistakes over communication as the old club had. Once again, people are having to wrangle leaks from sources just to find out what is going on. As it stands at the moment, we really are no further forward in open-ness than we were under Hammam and Koppout : wonder how long it will be before (a) questions about AFCW's motives are raised and (b) resignations are called for? Remember what we've been through in the past.
I haven't mentioned yet about what I've heard about T&M chairman John Buffoni - probably best not to, unless I want to get sued, but what I can probably say is that he's changed his tune about us pretty damn quick. Hmm.
So, what ways can this be resolved? Firstly, and certainly most desirably, the owners of the club should be allowed not only to have their say in a meeting but in a proper vote, with all options explored and explained. That's what the DT was set up for, wasn't it? The results may not quite be what everyone desired or indeed expected, but then that's the chance you take with democracy. I've heard either us buying out T&M or indeed Ks - personally, I'd go for Ks, I just like it better, and even buying it out wouldn't prohibit us from returning to our own Merton ground. Hell, T&M sold Sandy Lane and what's to stop us selling it to Ks? It could well be out of our hands anyway - today, some locals were worried about car parking, and permission has not yet been granted by Merton. Have AFCW put too many eggs in one basket?
Couple of other thoughts : people really aren't trusting Merton Council again, the general concensus seems to be that they will abandon us if we move to T&M. Having seen first hand at SW19 Towers what Richard Rawes can do (no Mr Rawes, memories are long around these parts), his involvement on T&M press releases should cause one to stop and think. Now that MK and the local elections have gone, we seem to be surplus to their requirements. Merton itself badly needs another T&M type complex, from memory the last two major leisure facilities built in the last 25 years within SM4/SW19/SW20 have been the Canons and Imperial Fields - both in Mitcham (I'm not cynical enough to suggest that Mitcham is where Merton get most of their councillors from). The baths at Morden are from the 1960s or so and as for Wimbledon Leisure Centre.......
One final thing about all this - if you think I'm not playing ball over this whole thing, if you think I'm being somewhat self-centred about this, I'll just mention that the stubborn-ness many are showing over certain situations was a major catalyst for the setup of AFCW in the first place.
4 January 2003
New
year, same old problem, and it's fast turning into a rather nasty habit :
Curry House 2 Dirty Cheating Gits 2 it finished, and I am sorry but
I am now seriously concerned about our defensive prowless, or lack
of thereof. What was that comment made about Dave Boyle in women's clothing
being better in defence some while ago? Hmm. Yes, I know we came back, and
we should have been two up by half-time in both senses of the word (anyone
see that stamp the #9 did?) but really, we are not even going to finish third
at this rate. It's exciting and guaranteed to blow your blood pressure, but
please...
Quick match summary, as I'm in that kind of mood : put loads of pressure on, they kicked us a bit. Not getting anywhere. They kicked us some more. We got frustrated and they kicked us some more. Then they scored and kicked us. We sort of lost our way, then they kicked us. They went 2-0 up and inbetween kicking us, they kicked us some more. We got back into the game with a penalty, which came because they kicked us. Coops scored to make it 2-1. They kicked us. I think inbetween kicking us we scored and they got a man sent off. I lost track after this point as they were doing more than their fair share of kicking us. Put on some more pressure and they kicked us. Then they kicked us. No more really needs to be said, except that they did kick us a bit.
Meanwhile....
Plus points: Coming from 2-0 down. Good attacking.
Minus points: Defence - nuff zed.
The referee's a....... : Well, he was announced in the rehashed Y&B that he was TBC, though your definition of the "B" will probably vary between "bloody" and "bald". He, er, "waddled like a pregnant duck" which I thought was a bit unfair. On the duck. At least the webbed feet animal got a shag, which is more than I bet that blind cockstain of a ref ever got in his life. Perhaps that explained why he looked really frustrated, either that or he was just plain shite, shocking and should never be allowed to referee another of our games ever again (and I didn't call him a cun.... oops)
Them: Had a Sunderland era kit circa 1974. Looked pretty much like it was made in 1974 as well. They as predicted attempted to wind us up chronically. Sadly for them, it backfired. I am not laughing.
Chants would be a fine thing: Nice to see the Champagne Song get its usual un-PC and ironic airing. Meanwhile, inbetween Southall kicking us, there was a nice bit of a contretemps going on between one of our heroes and a glove-wearing Southall animal. Suffice to say, "Who's the wanker in the gloves?" echoed from the West Bank...
Womble aggro: (1) The Main Stand were not their usual meek, god-fearing, mild mannered selves today. Indeed, it was a bit of a cauldron of hate. Anyway, after we scored our second, at least one of our number reportedly went to the perspexed away dugout and banged on it very hard. Leading nice Mr Policeman to have strong words with said individual and indeed kept an eye on the hardcore Womble firm that had manifested itself in the Main Stand. And I don't mean the Batsford Boys either
(2) Now, in general, I tend to like our stewards. Even my own personal designated one. But there is IMO creeping up a little bit of, well, Selhurstisation of one or two orange bibbed wazzocks. Point today : in the second half, up the Athletics End, I was being hugely entertained by two kids. Hell, it was far better than some of what went on the pitch. Towards the end, a senior steward came up to the father and told him to - gasp - "stop gesticulating, there are kids about". Now, I'm not a parent (and a collective sigh went up everywhere) but I always remembered when I was a kid that swearing never bothered me, nor do I imagine it affected most kids. So, why did the steward think he was in SE25? If nobody complained, I would start to worry about stewarding and if indeed there is a diktat from on high about this sort of stuff. I know there have been complaints about some chants, but suggesting to a referee that he masturbates is hardly the stuff to incite riots is it? If somebody DID complain, I would instead turn my attention away from the steward and politely suggest to the complainer that this is a football match. There will be swearing, a couple of hand signals etc. Not a WI meeting. Not the Labour Party. Not a Franchise match. A proper football match. Kindly get a life.
Weather with you: Cold. Bloody cold. So cold in fact that even the family of polar bears taking up residence in the athletic track behind the ground were complaining of frostbite
Point to ponder: Mentioned it before but worth mentioning again. Southall entertained us very well off the pitch but on it they turn into something the cat dragged in. Why?
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The look on the physio of Southall's face after receiving abuse from the crowd. No, I don't know why either. (2) Haven't got today's programme to hand, but did the Batsford Boys really use the term "humanitarian" to describe themselves? What kind of kind hearted work anyway - keeping bar owners the world over in business? (3) Your humble and esteemed if somewhat predictive-accuracy challenged editor proudly proclaiming that Coops would miss the penalty. I would subsequently wish Sam Hammam a safe journey home tonight.
Franchise watch: They won 3-0.
Hello Mum: Did a well known Womble really spend New Years Eve "with my pants down trying to shag a light"?
Anything else? Yeah, didn't Southall beat us 5-1 this season as well? Bastards, I knew I hated them.
So, was it worth it? Yes, if you're the sort of person who likes watching things like cock-fighting
In a nutshell: Unless we tighten up at the back, we ain't going anywhere.....