NEWS

28 September 2002

Well we were due to give somebody a good arse whipping one of these days, and Frim 0 Prim and Proper 5 might be it. Good thing is, it wasn't even our best performance of the season. Whether it was because they couldn't cope with our travelling support, switching grounds or whether they were just shite and we were good is irrelevant. As for who scored, Joe Sheerin finally lived up to his job description and netted twice. Second goal was the result of a miskick which found Coops, which was quite funny. Danny Oakins (I think) also netted twice. No idea who got our other one though, I'm still not that hot on the names of our players.

Enough of that boring shit, here goes....

Plus points: A win. 5-0 one at that. Away from home. Excellent performance. Everything gelled. Defence looked solid. Joe Sheerin scoring twice. And Danny Oakins.

Minus points: Doesn't KC look a little bit short of confidence?

The referee's a .......... : Weren't bad at all.

Help the Aged: The Frimley goalie and the linesmen. No truth that they are to star in the next edition of "Last Of The Summer Wine"

AWOL: Simmo. Where did he go? Did it involve headless corspes? Swimming pools? Mountain goats? Charles Koppout? Who knows...

Frimley Green: Whether it was just nerves playing a massive club like ourselves or just sheer shiteness I don't know, but they really weren't that good. Had zero shots on target, if that. They were lucky to get nil. Coincidentally, saw the two FG fans beside me. One was wearing a Man U piece of merchandise and was referring to one of their players at "number 10". Hmm.

This is my song and I'll sing to you: Boy, did the keeper get it today. He was spared whether he liked receiving anal penetration from another male, but as he was ancient (well, 35 is ancient for a bloke AFAIAC anyway) he got "Old Man" quite a bit. Along with a quizzical assertion of "Does your grandson know you're here?". We also showed knowledge of the political hot potato of retirement schemes with "Where's your pension gone?", a question I'm sure the Prudential will have to answer in the next mis-selling scandal. More vindictively, when we went 5-0 up, "Keeper keeper give us a save" was maybe rubbing it in a bit too much. Meanwhile, "Same Old Wombles Taking The Piss" and the CS got much welcomed airings.

Point to ponder: Was the Frimley goalie wearing a Dons Trust baseball cap? Didn't half look like one. I am fully expecting in future to hear that no opposing player entering the field at Ks will be allowed to play until they have joined the Dons Trust.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Those buses to/from the ground from the station. Who paid for them? (2) The yellow shirted AFCW 12 year old who did a rather long (at least 20 min) foetal position in the bushes by the station. Didn't exactly look healthy when he finally got up. Drunk too much orange juice did we? (3) Sheerin scoring. (4) Didn't Frimley's kit look like our temporary one from the pre-season? (5) Sheerin scoring again. (6) Was there only 1089 there? Looked much more. (7) Nice tea. Seriously, it was nice tea. (8) Going the whole game without a sniff of Hawaii 5-0 anywhere.

Plus ca change: Rather like Franchise, we too seem to have an ability not to score more than 5 goals in a competitive fixture. Who said we're not the real Wimbledon? Speaking of the imposters who pretend too hard that they're really from MK....

Franchise FC watch: Lost 1-0. Haha. Below Palace and Millwall now, which is something we NEVER had happening all the while MKFC was WFC. No idea of how they played or indeed how many gimps were there - and funnily enough I don't really care much these days - but I wonder if Mark Williams is still acting as AFCW's double agent?

Hello mum: New (ir)regular feature. Purely for people who want to be mentioned in SW19 reports, so here goes : one person I know spent most of the time hiding from people. Funny, this person is normally so outgoing. Can't think why. Oh, and did somebody I know who is quite respectable (compared to your editor, certainly) really suggest I take up stewarding? And I was checking for crossed fingers as well.....

Anything else? Yeah, isn't it quite nice that the players are going for hat-tricks every time they get two goals in a game? Committment, that's all we want. Well, apart from skill, and excitement. And goals. And a few hard challenges. And some alcohol.

So, was it worth it? Let me take a deep breath and lie back. This was reminding me of years gone past. This was a nice feeling. Not a false feeling, not a pretend state of mind where everything was alright when it wasn't. This was a nice feeling. The nice feeling I had in 1989, and 1990, coming back from QPR at Loftus Road. The nice feeling I had at Spurz 88. The nice feeling I had when I saw us beat the Arse at PL then coming back home to find the World Cup draw was a total cock up. That kind of feeling. Worth it? Nah......

In a nutshell: One, two, one, two, three, one, two, three, four, five nil.

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OK then, all together now ......... 3-1 down and 4-3 up, doo dah, doo dah. Ahem. For the second game in a row, South of Heaven 4 North of Greenford 3 had it all - comebacks, sendings off, moments of skill, excitement and on occasions excrement. As I now officially have the attention span of a dead ant and the short term memory of a goldfish, I won't bore you with the details of who scored or anything boring like that. So instead, I will marvel at the way we fought back, especially after their bloke got sent off. Our defense, though, really is something else. How many holes did they find? Against a better team, we'd struggle.

Still, not to worry. Once again, that was a pure emotional rush. Who says that non-league football is dull?

Inwards and upwards....

Plus points: We won. After being 3-1 down (and 4-3 up, doo dah doo dah..... ahem). Picked up well after going 3-1 down (and 4-3 up, do..... all right, that's enough) when all seemed lost. Guts. Fighting spirit.

Minus points: Defence is shite. Giving ourselves too much to do

The referee's a ...................... : Best described as a "tosser" by somebody infinitely more respectable than me.

Idle thought: Did this whole thing have a Wednesday hangover feel about it? Would explain a lot. Thankfully, we found the Alka-Seltzer in time.

Quotes: (1) "Sign him up" - cry from our lot whenever North Greenford scored. At this rate we'll have more players than fans. (2) "Come on Shipps" - CUNW, in perhaps a moment of not thinking straight. Either that or he has let slip a secret that he dare not reveal. (3) "Aston Fucking Villa" - CUNW again, after the 4th went in. For the uninitated, look up the first game that Oyvind Leonhardsen played for WFC (when WFC was WFC and not MKFC). (4) "That was a shite corner" - your humble, esteemed and appaulingly bad at predicting editor before we scored the first goal (from a corner, natch). Given my obvious skill (?) at ESP, I would like to wish Sam Hammam all the best.

Kewl: JD academy. Looked well attended and all the kids loved it.

Not so kewl: Me losing on the raffle. I swear it's fixed.

Song sung blue: Some people are still getting a little hacked off by the anti-homosexual chants towards opposition goalkeepers, though IMO I hardly heard any of it today. This despite the goalkeeper dressing in pink ("What's it like to play in pink?"). Heard "Do you sleep with Barrymore?" as well, but that was about it. Wonder if it will die off soon? Looks like it will. Thought it was a bit subdued today as it goes, looks like Wednesday caught up with people. Even the comeback seemed just a tinsy winsy bit flat. Have we got a game this week? Better not, those batteries need recharging.

Wanker: Bobby Watson, aka their #10. Yes, you. Don't try and act all clever by doing the "hero worship" position. Otherwise you will get your fucking head kicked in. Shame you went off, eh? Tosser.

Anything else? Let me see, we're 4th aren't we? Oh yeah, and Raynes Park Vile lost in the FA Vase. Ha.

Franchise FC watch: Today against Coventry, they got 2077. Their lowest attendance this season. We will doubtless see a few more pics of empty stands, including some papers that get sold in Milton Keynes. Hardly a ringing endorsement is it? We got 3158 or so today, 1081 more fans. Chronic. Incidentally, Franchise also did (allegedly) a kids thing today apparently. No rats smelt there.

And speaking of rats to be smelt, Koppout was apparently going to meet the remaining gimps who cling to that club to sort out how to get travel to MK. Now, I wonder if (a) anyone popped in IYSWIM and (b) if Koppout did the utter dirty on them? And am I the only person cynical enough to believe that Koppout is deliberately trying to get attendances as low as possible at SP so he can claim bigger percentage increases at MK?

Oh, and for the second week in a row at least, they didn't get mentioned on BBC Radio 5's roundup.

So, was it worth it? What do you think?

In a nutshell : Oh no, here it comes...... 3-1 down and 4-3 up, doo dah, doo dah. 3-1 down and 4-3 up, doo dah doo dah day. Doo dah doo dah day, doo dah doo dah day, 3-1 down and 4-3 up, doo dah doo dah day. Look what this club has done to me.

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19 September 2002

Bloody hell. Was On Celsi's Doorstep 3 On Spurz's Doorstep 3 [AET, On Celsi's Doorstep win 5-4 in a nailbiting penalty shootout] nervewracking or what? I'm exhausted even now (my typing's gone up shit creek certainly). Anyway, where shall we start? OK, it was actually quite shit for the first half. On second thoughts, it was very shit. Comparisons between this and just about every second round League Cup game are coincidental. Honest. Second half, we only really started getting going after their second goal - after that, oh boy. Typically, I missed the first goal (queuing for grub), the second goal was almost predictable, given how we'd been playing

Now, extra time and penalties was NOT on the agenda, and we looked shattered. But despite going 3-2 down, we knew we were going to claw back. And we did. And it went to penalties. And we won. And I'm still too mentally drained to expand any more, so...

Plus points: The whole thing after the second goal. Comeback Central. Playing with 10 men

Minus points: Our defence is shit

The referee's a .............. : Oh boy. Does giving an offside from a backpass give you an idea of what he was like?

Explanation needed : Just HOW did we miss from 6 yards out in the final minute?

Quotes: (1) "We all know how good we are as a big club" - CUNW, on our newly found status as the Juventus of the CCL. (2) "If you'd told me a year ago that we would be biting our nails in the London Senior Cup...." - Womble in front of me, not exact quote but then my mind was occupied on other things. Penalty shootouts, for starters.

Did you know? Brimsdown Rovers play in B&W because they were formed by a load of ex-pat Geordies? Nothing changes - Newcastle lost last night as well

The West Bank Tenors : Now, I know that homophobic chanting isn't everyone's cup of tea, but please remember that this is a football match and not the fucking Labour Party Conference. "Does he take it up the arse", "Does your boyfriend know you're here?" and "He loves his vaseline" may send your average PC Womble into appoplexy but their goalie did let in three goals. Mission accomplished. We all know that if the goalkeeper was openly gay that "You're straight AAAAA" and "Does your missus know you're here?" would be the chants. Anyway, usual chants. And "you're going to get your fucking head kicked in" in a pleasant form of nostalgia. Aaah...

Hmmm : Did that really only look 1500 odd last night?

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Our first ever win under floodlights at home? Must be. (2) We have been unbeaten in the London Senior Cup since 1976. (3) Lot of reserve teamers playing last night for us, which makes the result even more satisfying. (4) Us giving it to the Brimsdown players, them giving some back during the penalty shootouts and afterwards applauding us off. Go figure.

Anything else? Yeah, my report doesn't do the sheer emotion of this game justice. With luck there's a video available of it, if so get it. Having people openly chanting AFCW songs and being legitimately happy after a London Senior Cup preliminary is a sight to behold.

Franchise FC Watch: Yeah, they got permission for their Plough Lane size stadium on the MK Bowl site, despite lots of residents objections. Wankelmann was there, and needless to say he avoided every difficult question. The guy is living reason why marijuana should never be legalised. Looks like the councillors involved in this acted all predicably spineless. If you know my views on councillors and politicians in general, you'll know what I think. If you don't, I think that all councillors and politicians are two-faced lying pieces of horse shit and should all be hung with piano wire in public, and their remains fed to the starving in Ethiopia. Let's face it, they only pretend to care what you're doing, they love raising YOUR taxes to fund their little drug deals (all right, how else do they come out with the crap they do?) and they all are part of the criminal fraternity who they claim to abhor. Needless to say, their capitulation surprises me not. Just think, if it wasn't for a few bribes and a bit of principle, we could have triple celebrated last night with Franchises' imminent bankrupcy. Oh well, some people still think they do a good job, probably the same sort of idiots who still think that MK is a good idea, or follow Franchise. Still, Koppout's happy and that's all that matters, right?

So, was it worth it? Ask me when I've calmed down

In a nutshell: This is retro. This is good.

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14 September 2002

Sorry about last week. Shit happens. Speaking of which - wasn't Writing 2 Reading 0 kewl? Much better than last week, though I gather that playing with two semi-fit strikers up front rather than one unfit striker up front normally does help you win games. Anyway, I can't remember if Reading Town had a shot on goal. It was a bit of a comprehensive performance, and a couple of goals more wouldn't have looked out of place. Still, a win is a win, and given last week's debacle, it was nice to see a good game

 

The SP....

Plus points: A win. Clean sheet. Good defensive performance all round. Finding spaces up front and carving them open. Good subbing (were they the two Keith Curlesque new guys?).

Minus points: I didn't win Golden Goal.

The referee's a ......... : Wasn't bad at all actually. Let the game flow

Slow: Joe Sheerin. Still. OK, so he's moving quicker these days, but then so is Christopher Reeves.

Quotes: (1) "That team we don't talk about" - dad to son, as overheard in the carpark before the game. Team in question isn't Man U BTW. (2) "Do you want to feel my furry bits?" - 1970s Drummer Womble on the now officially seductive SI logo felt patch on the shirts. Rumours that the said material is to be sold in sex shops as an erotic aid are as yet unfounded.

Music to watch girls by: I need the following explained. Just why do we come out to and go off to the theme tune to Hawaii 5-0? And why did we get a blast of Kenny G during a break in the second half???

Sing Hosanna: The Reading goalie got a bit of abuse today. Took it well though. Standard fayre, though the bandana wearing physio for Reading did get a rather lovingly chorus of "He's got a tea towel on his head". Somebody was also reported to "take it up the bum" though I imagine that could be happening to somebody later tonite.

Question: Was I the only person unable to read the shirt numbers on Reading's kit?

Truth is stranger than fiction : I realised today that this time last year, we were playing in a huge stadium, watching very highly paid professionals yet not giving a shit. A year later, we are now playing in a smaller stadium, to pro rata bigger crowds, eight divisions lower and yet we're happier than we have been for eons. It's not just me who has noticed this, surely?

Anything else? Yeah, another nice ruck on the pitch, third in a row. Love it. Course, it's all handbags ATM but wait until the first proper fight on the pitch occurs - blood, broken jaws etc. Wonder if the problems at Ash and at Southall woke up the pugilistic side of our squad?

So, was it worth it? I would say so.

In a nutshell : Where the fuck is Brimsdown?

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Ruby Tuesday. Aka Sold Ground for housing 0 Sold Ground for, erm... 0. And actually, it was pretty non descript. Except for the fact that the pitch wasn't very good.

In fact, I'm struggling about this one, it wasn't like the othergames at all. Cooper had a 1-on-1 with the goalkeeper (or something like a 1-on-1 anyway) and managed to shoot at him, and, er, that was it. Oh yeah, couple of punch ups. Yeah, that got the pulse racing. Dirty fuckers are Southall. Still, wasn't it like old times with a guaranteed ruck on the pitch every game? Love it.

Anyhow, if I must...

Plus points: We didn't lose. Keeping a clean sheet for the first time in our history (and doesn't that sound good?). Solid in defence.

Minus points: We didn't win. Crap game.

The referee's a ......... : If the Ash one deserves to die for sheer bias, the one last night deserves to die simply because he didn't know how to handle it. Gutless, spineless. Any other adjectives which won't get me done under slander laws? If you've got any, insert them here.

The most important factor of all : Yes, the curry. Three different delicacies, the obligatory chicken tikka masala which was very edible. Chicken was tender and not too dry. Rice was steamed, not pilau, which added to it. Nice naan bread as well (or was it chapati?), even though I don't really eat that sort of stuff. The other dishes on display (one lamb, one veg) were also reportedly very nice. Samosas were OK, not the best I've ever tasted but not the worst either. The kebab roll was delicious though, right amount of spicyness in it. Filling, too. Washed down with some gorgeous and authentic bottled Highland Spring. The caterers for this occasion were one of the top four Indian restaurants in Southall, who also specialise in Indian weddings. Much recommended.

Point to ponder: If we ever get our own ground, do you think we could have similar? Tooting (Islamic Republic of) is near us, and there are a couple of Southall type ventures around. Chinese? Turkish? Get some "theme" days going, or even better have them as permanent fixtures. Also, wasn't it nice to have something other than junk food at a game?

Quote: "Why can't we win at night? Do we need to photosynthesise?" - horticulturally clued up Womble on our inability to win night games

Truth is stranger than fiction : (1) Curry. Sorry, needed to be said. (2) Almost having the game held up because of the curry queue. (3) Seeing more asians at a football game than ever before. A telling sign of football race relations, though I'm not sure in what way. (4) First ever 0-0 in the history of AFCW. (5) First ever 0-0 in the CCL this season.

Anything else? Yeah, did our esteemed chairman, Mr K Stewart, really hold back some irate Wombles?

So was it worth it? Catering - yes. Game - pass.

In a nutshell: I feel like tikka tonight