NEWS
27 December 2003
And
after the first game at KM since the ice age, normality was restored,
namely Pride of Merton 7 Pus of Merton 0. Yup, today was
the Merton Derby, and in traditional fashion we came, we saw, we
whipped their arses. We opened the scoring on 2 minutes, scramble
by Everard. Insert joke here. Despite Vile trying to come back in
it (we nearly came a cropper through a free kick of theirs, but
thankfully their shooting was as wayward as a drunk driver), we
doubled the lead with Lee Sidwell doing the honours. From then on,
it was mostly us : a rocket by Harvey made it 3-0, delighting us
and MC himself, judging by his celebration. No idea why, unless
he's seen So Solid Crew's latest sales figures and sees an alternative
career.
While you're working that last sentence out, we made it 4-0 through hat-trick hero (cliche alert) Kevin Cooper. Forget what the goal was like but it was a bit easy anyway. HT came and went quicker than it took the tea bar queue to die down, by which time KC crossed majestically on the byline for Ryan Gray to net. Boy, was their keeper sick. More goals were forthcoming, namely KC again with his head for 6-0. WUP still have the "Kevin Cooper Head" t-shirts BTW. Finally, to complete Vile's ritual humiliation, KC netted again for 7-0. The strange sight of (a) the Vile goalie celebrating when he thought SW20's finest (?) had a penalty, and (b) Harvey's jump for glee at the final whistle notwithstanding, a professional performance was definitely one for the record books.
Inwards and upwards...
Plus points: Win. Again. Clean sheet. Again. Kept pressing and pressing. Again. Etc.
Minus points: Should have got more.
The referee's a..... : Damn, he had a reasonably good game, only missing a couple of tackles. This means I can't do my planned soliloquy about how it's Xmas and we should be giving time and help to those less fortunate to ourselves, like referees who have lost their white stick
Them: It was their cup final and they blew it. OK, they did at least try, they were a bit more up for it than most teams and they could have equalised a couple of times when it was 1-0. After 3-0, they decided to put it about a little bit. Didn't quite work though.. Oh, and last season, there were about 30 Vile fans at the game : this year, I don't think I saw any. Perhaps the lot who turned up last year were all Dobo's mates?
The PA: Don't know what acid Phillo takes, but a couple of those Xmas songs were a bit on the iffy side to say the least. The Selhurst Park retro "Boys Are Back In Town" was described by somebody high up in WISA as "cheesy". Won't say who though, she'd kill me (oops).
End to End action: Because of the big crowd we were told not to swap ends at HT. Despite the protestations that it was "professionalism killing the family spirit" - quite - a couple of anarchic minded Wombles did stick two fingers up at police advice. Being the festive spirit, I will not name those who did, but you all deserve a jolly good whipping. Anyway, you took up space down the hardcore Athletics End....
Point to ponder: Can anyone see Paul Scott staying that long? Put it this way, if he'd showed any more ball to the opposition he'd be arrested for indecent exposure.
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Next game, on no account anyone say "At least it's not raining", because you can guess what was said before the heavens opened. (2) The faded furry bit on Everard's shirt (and somebody else's shirt come to think of it). I know that when similiar happens to replica shirts, it's because too many people enjoy stroking said furry patch. What's the excuse of certain members of our first team? On second thoughts, do we really want to know? (3) I was told that Kris Stewart was helping behind the bar before the game. Either he's hands on or he's trying to save money on bar staff. (4) The crowd. Good, wasn't it? OK, I was slightly disappointed that it was below 4k....
Anything else? Urm, not really. WUP was good though.
So, was it worth it? Bragging rights in the Merton Derby? Is the Pope unlikely to be needing a 2005 calendar?
In a nutshell: One team in Merton.
17 December 2003
Yes, I'm back, jetlagged, tired (you wouldn't believe how close I am to falling asleep again - and I woke up at 3pm this afternoon), and believe it or not I have a quick report on Horley below. Anyone who complains about it being late can suck my dick. Few things first : one, thanks to everyone who filled in for me. Second, expect an article in the next day or two. Thirdly, various things need updating, you know what they are.
Fourthly, and most importantly of all, although it's been a week since the fallout of the DT AGM, I have to add my $0.02 : how the hell can an organisation with as many accountants in it as the defence counsel for Enron totally fuck up on the accounts not only for the DT but the club as well? I understand there was HUGE ructions over this, and I don't blame anyone who may now feel they are being a little bit put off with the way the DT is operating. Of all people, we should know as much as anyone that being less than forthright with money is a recipe for disaster. Yes, this may be an accident, but accidents are habit forming if not checked, and we could hardly have got off on a more wrong foot. I shudder to think what damage will happen to goodwill if it's repeated : remember that this isn't sponsorship money, or transfer money. This is our money. Cast doubts in our minds about the way we run things and it's curtains for the club. No bullshit. You can replace sponsorship dough, you can't replace fans dough
Looks like we have a new(ish) DT board, and now there is no excuse for sloppyness. I await to see what difference they make. If any.
All
that aside, let's get onto Gatwick 2 LAX 4 shall we? Oh go
on, I flew in especially for this game, which was bloody cold. The
frost was forming on the pitch, and inbetween wondering why I'd
tried prostituting my body begging around so hard to get
here (thanks to Flying Pig for the lift - extremely appreciated)
when I should have been in bed, I was left wondering how we would
cope trying to maintain such a run. I needn't have worried, as we
went 1-0 down to a complete fuck up in defence. Cue much cursing
and swearing. We woke up and put some pressure on, before making
it 1-1 via a good KC strike. Then a 30 yard screamer by our #7 -
Seb wasn't it? - to restore parity in our favour
We kept pressing - 3-1 thanks to Harvey drilling AK47 like through a crowd of players. Hey, wonder if those people who like to think they're hard through listening to So Solid Crew would be interested in a trip to South Central LA? I can show them places in Watts, like the first restaurant built there in 30 years because they were so shit scared of building anything lest it got done, or the house I passed where only last Saturday 7 people got shot, three fatally..... Anyway, it was 3-1 at HT and normal service was resumed. As the fog and frost came down, so did Horley's chances of coming back, as we netted a fourth by some guy called Clinton somebody. I assume he's a new guy. Oh, and they pulled it back to 4-2 after we gave it to them. Never mind
Onwards...
Plus points: Still top. Still coming away winning.
Minus points: Our defence is shit
The referee's a...... : Well, he did OK I suppose, even though he missed one of our players swing a punch. The lino looked like a cross between John Major aged 30 and Teach from the Bash Street Kids.
Them: Nice ground, nice and new, even if they did charge us £15 to use their bar. Saw some of our lot watching the whole game from there, looking like the corporate whore prawn sandwich brigade. I thought one of the pre-requisites of being an AFCW fan was to live in shit, mud and cold in true Workers Revolutionary style, and shun all executive like comforts which have alienated the common man from the peoples game, leaving it for people called Jeremy and Theresa? Obviously not. Wankers, one and all, and come the revolution they will all suffer the same fate as Saddam Hussein when the Iraqi people get their collective hands on him.
As for the Sussex team, there were quite a few of them, coming to see what the fuss about us was about. When they scored, there was - gasp - a bit of a cheer. Soon shut up though when our arses got into gear. Their fans sung - once - though their PA was doing intermittent fits involving rather loud burst of feedback and static.
One final thing, they charged £2 for the collection of adverts and out-of-date AFCW info. Until half time anyway, when they slashed the price to £1. See what happens when you try to be greedy?
Quote: "We're doing OK" - your humble and esteemed editor after the game, commenting on us getting maximum points this season. No point being optimistic until we win the league...
Point to ponder: Do you think Feltham fans sing to Horley fans "You've only got one runway"?
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The frost coming down on the pitch. Legitimately eery. (2) Womble coming in from Cyprus for this game, and looked far more healthier and with it than me. Bastard
Anything else? Dunno.
So, was it worth it? Yeah, guess so.
In a nutshell: Could have been worse....
Are you asleep? Sort of. Can't you tell?
13 December
2003
WARNING: THIS REPORT CONTAINS LOTS OF SWEARING
by Leamington Pete
Well, my tenure as BAT SPORTS vs AFCWIMBLEDON match reporter came to an abrupt end, a day before it started. So I guess I should report on the other Vase match going on this weekend. Leamington 2 Durham City AFC 1 (sorry for the lack of pun,... but you may have no idea what im on about)
With 4 AFCWimbledon supporters in attendance we (I say 'we' but I support Leamington AND AFCWimbledon) almost out-numbered the travelling Durham followers for this FA Vase Third round tie. A bumper crowd of 711 saw underdogs from pyramid level 9 beat FAVase 6th favourites; Durham City AFC. In fact, it was quite comfortable at times and the levels were not really apparent in this game. Leamington, my home town team, were massive underdogs and we witnessed a glorious giantkilling. Having become slightly bitter towards Durham before the game, having found out that no money would be made from a large crowd, due to having to pay for THEIR night in the Ramada Hotel in Solihull, I was determined to see the Brakes stop Durham. And they did.
Without boring you with details, the second Leamington goal was awesome. A speedy full back called David Care pounced on a loose ball in the Durham half and sped past a couple of lumbering Durham centre backs, nutmegged the fullback and smashed a beauty over the advancing keeper from around 15 metres. Cue grown men falling over on a muddy North Bank and an inflatable sheep attached to a stick waved aggressively at the Yellow and Blue fans of Durham from the 'Sheepsiders'. A late strike couldnt stop the celebrations. Players, all local and unpaid, embraced fans. Since reformation in 2000 after a 12 year limbo this was the greatest victory so far. I must say, I had a few tears. Something that Charles Koppel and Peter Winkelman will never be able to engage with their franchised cockfest of a club to evoke from the 70 brainwashed prick ' supporters'.
Plus points: Possible scenario of my two precious clubs meeting. | Realisation that Northern clubs arent that good | Another Midlands AFCW fan met (Oldwarwickidon) | AFCW Vase game now on a Saturday | Great game of football, played in a really good spirit.
Minus points: Possible scenario of my two precious clubs meeting (how can I cheer any goals... FUCK!) | Racist cunt in the Leamington home end. Sadly Leamington 'fan'. I shall keep an eye out for this fat racist dogshit in the future, and when I pluck up the courage, I will launch a verbal assault at him. Hes a Wolves fan usually. I hope he fucks off back there. I despise scum like that and it tarnished the day for me.
The refereeıs a ... total homer. He did a good job and gave us most things in the first half. Small and bald.
Them: Good solid side, no weapons. Leam have pace going forward, a sturdy defence (Andy Gregory is always being watched by Northampton Town, but he has turned them down) but a naff midfield.
Song sung blue: No swearing allowed at the New Windmill Ground
Quotes of the day: (1) "Bring on the Wombles" Fat Leam fans (2) "Bring on AFCWimbledon in Round 4" Manager Jason Cadden on BBC WM (3) "I hope we dont get the Dons, as I cant celebrate any goals from either side" Me thinking about the possibility
Point to ponder: Why cant fat racist fucks die badly with rancid diseased forks in the eyes when they utter racist shite from their fat greasy cunt shaped mouths?
Franchise watch: They lost 0-1 at home to Walsall. The gate -- 3,315 -- is STILL less than their claimed season ticket sales, and taking into account likely away fan attendance of 500-600, + cheap tickets means Franchise's hard core must be around 2,000. They got the go ahead from their gutless thieving council to build a stupidly large stadium and other wank things on the Denbigh site. When they go down they are going to be totally fucked as clubs like Walsall and Rotherham make up Div 2. Big crowds coming from Sheffield Wednesday and possibly Oxford and Luton. And with the latter two, lots of trouble.. not forgetting Swindon... and Donny Rovers...hahaha... I mean seriously, what is the interest going to be. The people of MK want West Ham, Chelsea and the BIG BOYS. They arent interested in crap like franchise in their poxy lego stadium playing other perceived non entities. I watch Level 9 and Level 8 football. Its not about the big teams. Its about clubs I have emotional attachment to. I have suffered with my football clubs so Im celebrating whenever I can. Thats why I cried at the Sutton game and the same today. Call me a big girl, but I bet there was no freaks crying at Franchise vs Burnley at the National Crappo stadium.
Was it worth it? Yes. Yes YES YES,, this is REAL football. I just selfishly could have seen a double header of both of my clubs... Well that would have been greedy!
In a nutshell: Roll on next Saturday for the rescheduled game. [... looks like Bashley FC's ground... but check the official sources for travel details... may be a chance to grab a seat on a bus. Lets really make it special. Ive had another taste of the VASE today and want more. ]
7 December 2003
This was always going to be a big grudge game. And with Wednesdayıs cup tie such a close-run thing, there was only one question hovering on everyoneıs lips as we turned up at Youngıs Drive: would the weather freeze our bits off? In the end, Pie and MAsh 3 Steak Well Don 5 was enough to warm the cockles of anyoneıs heart, but as per usual, we were put through the wringer first.
Like Wednesday, we started the better team, lobbing the ball behind their defence for Giggsy and Co to work their magic. Unfortunately, each time the ball got anywhere near their goal, Ash defended stoutly (literally), clearing shots off the line as if their eight pies a day diet depended on it. When the goal came, though, it was beautifully worked -- a mazy run up midfield from Dobbo Junior, a sweet through ball to Joe, then squared to Ryan, who slotted it into the net.
Ten minutes later, disaster. Naturally enough, your esteemed correspondent was checking her watch for half-time, and only realised something was wrong when she looked up to see the ball dribbling into the goal at the far end. Apparently, Carroll had kicked it out, only for an Ash player to kick it back past him.
Still, it was all square for the second half. Cooper got our second, then Gibbo (apparently) gave away a penalty, which Ash put away efficiently to equalise again.
At this point, widespread musing started as to whether a 19-game unbeaten run was the same as 100 per cent record. It isn't. But it was all academic anyway after Ash scored again, this time a decent goal. We were 3-2 down! By this time the bar had emptied, as Ash fans scented a historic victory in the making, while our lot sheepishly came out to give token support to the (now) underdogs.
Then Harvey collected the ball, ran down the left wing and aimed at the net. The ball slid in and we all went mental. I didnıt even see Danny kick the ball from 40 yards out -- just saw the thing bounce off the keeperıs hands and trickle beautifully into the corner. After that, the penalty was the icing on the cake.
Plus points: We won. Came back from 3-2 down. Harvey's first goal -- the crucial equaliser to make it 3-3. Shows he's a footballer, not just a celeb addition to the team. Two other quality goals. Their goalie, a real gent. With a name like Jez Jukes, he has a glittering future in Hollywood when they remake Dynasty. Oh, and free cheese rolls for those who hung around long enough. Not quite on the Merstham scale, but enough for an honourable mention.
Minus points: The ruck. Too far away to see it properly. No atmosphere. Except for the Mad Ash fan, of course.
The refereeıs a ... quite anonymous really, which has to be good. By CCL standards, sprightly.
Them: Their game plan was for the Number 4 to follow Everard like a limpet, while the rest defended deep (they were good in the air) and hoofed the ball up midfield. All they needed then was to be gifted three goals at the other end. Frightening thing is, it nearly worked.
Song sung blue: Or red and green, in this case. Has to be "Ash, Ash, Ash United" at foghorn volume.
Quotes of the day: (1) "Why donıt they make Malibu-flavoured condoms and other girly flavours?" Red-blooded male AFC volunteer trying to improve his pulling chances. Hm, thatıs the last time I go into Jasperıs claiming I need a stiff drink, then. (2) "I'm glad to see weıre actually winning ugly" -- unknown Dons fan at 2-1. Shortly afterwards, Ash equalised. (3) "The mind is the most important part of the body" -- sports guru Nicky English. Iım sure that piece of information comes as a big surprise to the vast majority of the posters on Dons chatsites. But at least Mr English has a successful track record to back up his views.
Point to ponder: OK, it was dark, it was cold, it was Ash ... but even so, how the hell can one opposition fan outsing the entire Womble massive for virtually the whole of the game? We came alive for a bit after we fell behind, but our chanting leaves much to be desired. Blimey, weıll have to hand out MK-stylee songsheets the way weıre going ...
Franchise watch: They lost 2-1 at home to the Millers. The gate -- 3,061 -- is less than their claimed season ticket sales, and taking into account likely away fan attendance and freebies, means Franchiseıs hard core must be under 2,000. This coming week is a massive one for them. Wednesday sees the meeting at which MK councillors will hear Wankermanıs planning application. If they give it the thumbs down, itıs curtains. Even a delay could be hugely damaging. Rumour has it the Highways Agency are not satisfied with the arrangements for extra traffic, and could object. Question is though, why does it take the roads regulator to put Franchise on the road to oblivion, when the spineless FA could have done so ages ago?
Was it worth it? Always worth trashing the Ash.
In a nutshell: Roll on next Sunday!
5 December 2003
If we could score as Jordan on a bad night out we would muller some of these sides, we won...just, and it finished a mighty leslie ASH 0 DONna air 1 (that took me ages to think of and it isn't funny). Impressively 850 odd turned up for an away tie in our fifth competition of the season tie to brave the ice biting cold(and Labour think they can 'spin' well).
Within 5 minutes we could have had 2 goals with Ash and Gav both missing the preverbial (big word) sitters, on that I though Gav looked pretty good up front - despite his finishing. He also provided one of the many comedy bookings of the night for, well I dont know what for. The ref was dreadful...truly dreadful - he booked Seb for having the nerve to be tripped up by an Ash player and gave us a corner after a Danny shot that went no where near an Ash player, the ref was son bad that he was referred to as "a testicles testicle" by the Ash manager.
Anyway the cold soon set in and I have forgotten everything else that happened in the first half except for thinking why does Seb have to call every player by sirname "Bolger..Bolger..behind you".
Second half now and I can barely feel my fingers so I spend a few minutes being a WBA fan and being served tea by the new teaboy Ivor, also that new kid thing in the corner is a f~*!ing awful idea, why put it right where all the 'rowdier' people go and have gone for a season and a bit and ever stupider why leave it when there are no kids in it - Wankleman type thinking that (come to think of it Kris has being growing his hair long, curly and greasy recently, mmmm. We missed f*!K loads of chances until Ryan Gray popped up with a nice finish after good work by Coops down the left.
To sum up my hands are cold, Im cold and Im going to Leicester - Arsenal on Saturday so wont have to see that cr*p again, ha-ha as Nelson would say. Dunno, when Rob is back but until then a low standard of journalism continues, see ya!