13 September 2003

Right, before I begin : it is quite possible that by Monday SW19 could go bellyup again. Basically speaking, I'm very close to getting my account suspended because too many people are reading the site. I'm likely to have to do an upgrade again (at yet more bloody cost) because of something like bandwidth at 87% of usage for September and only 2 days left before it falls over. With luck I can avoid any downtime, though typically with technology you can never tell. Remember the good old days under Gash.Net?

Speaking of going belly-up, watching Champions At Christmas 4 Crisis At Christmas 1 had a rather un-settling edge to it. Attack wise, we get in there as usual, generally look sharp (despite a rather strange penchant for shooting at an acute angle), but defence wise, considering that Farnham aren't one of the challengers, they didn't half get in on occasions. Well, they scored, certainly. Is complacency threatening to set in? I really hate to say it, but I think a loss (and a heavy one at that) might be a welcoming crash to earth. The signs were showing a little bit, namely how we let them come back into it almost effortlessly, before going into second gear and netting again and again

Description of the goals? Go to Stickra's site when he does the animations, though the goals themselves were well taken. And did KC really score that hat-trick?

Anyway...

Plus points: Yet another win. Yet another win at home. Yet another four goals. Yet another couple for KC. Yet another good showing by our forward line. Yet another good game for Dobbo. Yet another decent display on the wings. Yet another ability to move up a gear when necessary.

Minus points: Yet another inability to keep a clean sheet. Yet another trouser-soiling defensive performance

The referee's a ........ : And lo and behold, he was actually quite good. In fact, I didn't know he was on the pitch in the first half. Second half was only noticable for a couple of things that weren't anything to do with him. In fact, the only real soil on his copybook was not telling Farnham to move back 10 yards in the 90th minute. Linesman wasn't quite so hot, but then he did look about 60

Them: Fortunately for them this time, they didn't have about 30 Millwall Bushwackers calling them "bastards". Not the worst side to play at der Volkstadion this season, their goal was quite good. Their kit did look like Palace's after it went through the wash a couple of times too many. Reportedly about 20 of their fans there.

Saturday Fight Night: A pulsating pugalistic contest was witnessed this afternoon, between the Farnham #2 and one of the AFCW players. The contest started in earnest when a challenge for a ball resulted in a messy tangling of the legs of both players. In Ultimate Fighting style, the Farnham contestant used his legs to full effect on the AFCW players ankles. Changing fighting style to a more street-brawl and robust manner, the two contestants squared up, with the Farnham player swinging what appeared to be a Southpaw connection, though the boxing judges present (one from the Nevada State Athletic Commission, one from Mexico and one from New Jersey) would have failed to award points due to the non-connection of said punch. The street brawl style continued when the rest of the contestants decided to have their bouts all at the same time. As a result, the Farnham #2 was given his marching orders due to poor judgement and eye control.

Spotted: (1) Ex-WFC director Peter Miller. How come he's always spotted whenever there is an open meeting beforehand? (2) Three or so Chelski shirts, amazingly all of them were sufficiently advanced enough to walk semi-upright.

Song sung blue: So, which of you naughty boys have been calling the goalie a poofter? Oh, none of you. After the hoo-har of Tuesday, bit mundane. Coincidentally, and I wasn't there, if there are people who are self-righteous enough to want stuff like the CS elbowed, please desist now. This is a football match, not the Womens fucking Institute.

Hang the DJ: I am sure that Chris "Phillo" Phillips is losing it. Yes, he did very well with the "no homophobic or racist chanting" thing, but then things went awry. Firstly, he totally forgot his previous policy of playing hip-hop with some (gasp) metal, firstly by A then by AC-DC. He followed up with the late Johnny Cash. Perhaps worst of all, he announced that he didn't know who the scorer of the third goal was, so played "Oops Upside Your Head" whilst all the players ran over to Danny O. Losing it totally, he announced that KC was the scorer, leaving the hardcore Athletics End to sing "You don't know what you're doing". I sincerely hope that Mark and Lard or Tony Blackburn weren't listening, he could be drummed out of the DJ's union before long....

Point to ponder: Why was the Farnham goalie wearing tights?

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The celebrations of that kid who did the HT penalty shootout. He'll go far. (2) Did I see ballboys dotted about the place today? (3) Wigan getting a nice cheer when it was announced that some of them were in the crowd. Pretty nice cheer when it was found out they were stuffing Franchise. Speaking of which.....

Franchise FC watch: Their supposed last ever SP game. Maybe. Anyway, they lost 4-2 to Wigan, are now something like second from bottom, had 1045 or so there (half from Wigan, naturally). Interesting theory : they're planning on making Burnley the first game up there as they're worried that Burnley will be their lowest ever, so by making it first MK game it'll boost the crowd up. Yup....

Anything else? Yeah. Noticed that Farnham were sponsored by a golf shop? Only in non-league....

So, was it worth it? What? Another win? Nah...

In a nutshell: Still top.

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10 September 2003

Now it's getting quite boring. Sparks 4 Darts 0 was the order of last night. Their goalie had a broken part of his hand, apparently there was a good OG but by all accounts we laboured at times. Me, I decided to watch a lot of the second half in the bar, with Ireland vs Turkey on. Oh, and KC's penalty was shite.

I'm going to do a change of plan for this particular report, I don't normally like to deviate from the usual SW19 output which the vast majority of people like, but I feel obliged to at the moment : last night was one of those wretched times where the shit was about to hit the fans. And boy, did it. Confused? Read on

It appears that a well-known Womble was thrown out for spitting last night, which (apart from the associated health risk) is a pretty horrible thing to do. Hopefully said person has learnt lesson. However, the various shit-storms going around are a bit more serious.

Firstly, the age old complaint of abusing the goalkeeper rears its ugly tortoise head again. I hadn't seen the incident(s) in question but it looks like the abuse got really serious, and whether the goalkeeper said something or not is immaterial. Now, it has long been SW19's view that players must remember that what they can do on the pitch can effect what happens off the pitch. Conversely, we shouldn't be totally surprised if we abuse certain players and they respond in a none-too-friendly manner. Especially as these blokes very rarely play in front of such sized crowds. I presume that what happened last nite is a mixture of the two, with neither side willing to take the blame.

The thing is that I can now see more affirmative action being taken, much in the same way as what happened last year : a warning in the programme and over the PA shut most of it up. Abuse etc is, and has always been, designed to put the opposition off. Some of it obviously does stretch some people's patience, and the "You're gay" stuff just seems to lose its effectiveness each time it's used. However, it's becoming a problem for some, so I guess we'll have to expect a bit of pressure applied over this. IYSWIM.

The main alleged incident that has pissed many off is the coin throwing. What we do know is that a coin was found on the pitch, though whether or not it was thrown will be more difficult to determine. Obviously, the fallout from this could be very serious, especially if the CCL get the hump. However, some of the knee-jerk reactions I've heard from this depress me even more : I've heard at least one call for the West Bank end to be closed, and I'm sure you've all heard other things as well.

Let's get a few things straight : if you're that determined to throw something onto the pitch, you'll do it regardless. Hell, I know of an incident at an Oxford vs Ipswich game where somebody threw batteries from his radio onto the pitch. You stand less chance of doing it if you know you're going to get caught by either a steward or somebody willing to grass on you. It's called "self-policing", something that we can all do, which doesn't need CCTV, or closing stands, or extra (more tough-nosed) stewarding, etc etc. I certainly don't want to go to a non-league ground which acts like it's SP's little brother.

Now, I went down AFCW today and they were seriously POed at having to deal with the aftermath of yesterday. As one person said, "it's only ever down the WB end and it's only when we're attacking that it happens".

The worst thing of all is that I was writing similar stuff last season. One day we might end up learning the hard way.

Sorry for lack of proper reporting, normal service will be resumed next game. Just don't throw anything at me in the meantime.

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7 September 2003

Ah, now this is what I like to read. Q.E. 2 Seven Four 7 and our first trip into the FA Vase didn't produce the slip-up I so solemnly predicted before the game. Actually, it was so one-sided it was embarrassing at times, and to be honest I think any team playing us yesterday would have been taken apart. We went 3-0 up after 10 minutes, and had it not been for a rather shite comedic kick by our goalie, we would have gone in 5-0 up and ready to rack up a decent score. That said, I was getting a bit worried at 3-1 up : Westfield had got their tails up and were sniffing around for a comeback (well, they ventured into our half a couple of times). However, hat-trick hero Coops restored a more reflective scoreline. Second half? More of the same, they got a penalty but we still blasted them

Rest of it?

Plus points: Winning. Away. Potential banana skin overcome. Some of the best attacking seen for a while. Defence looked solid for once. Kept going. Looked like we could have scored more when the mood took us. Only Westfield goals came from our mistakes.

Minus points: Clean sheet, perhaps? Oh, and Danny O getting sent off.

The referee's a ..... : Do you remember those "You Are The Ref" things that people like Match and Shoot used to do? Well, get your thinking gear around this.

Q: A foul in the area is committed by a defending player on an attacking player. What is your course of action?

a: Give a penalty to the attacking team
b: Give a free kick to the attacking team
c: Give a penalty to the attacking team then immediately and for no apparent reason award a free kick to the defending team. You will also be required to book players from the attacking team who may be surrounding you questioning your parentage.

Now, anyone with more than 0.01% of refereeing ability would have awarded (a). I'll leave you to guess what the ref gave (clue: it wasn't the first two). Decided to send Danny O off for their penalty as well, which was the cause of much verbal gurgitation from your humble and esteemed editor. The chicken fucker made a name for himself, which was what he wanted.

Them: As is usual for Westfield, they supplied us with their rather nice pavillion, decent cups of tea and a nice view of where they usually play. If Chessington and Hook can hold games at Chalky Lane, surely Westfield could hold our games here? Never mind. The team themselves were embarrasingly shite, though I was given grief by a couple of people for attacking their goalie, who did make some good saves. Some reckon that despite letting in seven goals the goalie is quite good, which is a bit like saying the weather in Manchester is good despite the fact it rains all the time. Oh, and they tried to get our players sent off after 7-2 down, AND their penalty scorer tried the hard man act to us. Wouldn't try it if he was the other side of the barrier...

Deja vu: Their steep stand - very steep stand - was £2 to transfer and you had to queue up to buy a transfer ticket AND you had to show your stubs to the jobsworth at the entrances AND I'm surprised I wasn't told to sit down, shut up and watch the team more often. Corporate football, eh?

Song sung blue: Didn't hear many songs about winning the FA Vase. Guess we're trying to find something that rhymes with "Vase" and doesn't sound corny. CS gets a nice if ironic airing, along with the now traditional "Charlie Koppel sucks a penis, Charlie Koppel sucks a [insert noun here] penis". Face it, this song will still be sung 50 years from now, live with it. Sung quite melodically if I remember, though it will never compare to the beautiful rendition at Frenford.... Oh, and we really do only need 10 men.

Point to ponder: How young was that team yesterday? Apparently, the average age is something like 22 (open to correction). Now, if this team can keep in with each other the predictions of conference football in a few years time is NOT beyond the realms of possibility. We are a team and not a collection of individuals. How different to that first ever Sutton game.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The subtly and poetically named "Moaners Corner". Ought to have similar at KM I reckon : just think, the Main Stand could be the Flask of Tea stand, John Smith's Stand could be the Comatose area, the areas around the catering could be Chernobyl Corner, the West Bank could be the Garden Shed section and the hardcore Athletics End could simply be called Greenland. (2) Westfield's half time team talk. Come on, that HAS to be strange. Imagine that Rowan Atkinson sketch : "Right, this round white thing is called a "ball". And what do you do with this ball? You kick it, that's right". (3) Sky TV filming the game. Well, they need something to fill the Sunday schedules. (4) Crunched car in West Byfleet with an AFCW sticker in it. Nice, I don't think.

Anything else? Could mention about how we played, but instead I just found it rather nice driving home last night (inbetween trying to find out the Ireland score on Radio Dive Live) how many AFCW cars there were about. Seriously, I know there is about to be some sort of civil war ready to break out in certain quarters, but when you look at it from a less close-up point of view, we really don't have that much to fight about.

So, was it worth it? First time scoring more than six in a competitive fixture since doing Windsor and Eton all them years ago? Possibly not.....

In a nutshell: Anyone fancy some 7-Up?