NEWS
30 August 2004
Anyone expecting the R1 to be a continuation of the CCL got that out of their system today. True, it finished Leafe 0 Tree 1 and kept us unbeaten, but the days of us going 1-0 up and the opposition capitulating are long, long gone. This was a tense, ugly game, full of tough challenges, not much fancy stuff, and some right niggly stuff to boot. The game itself was scrappy, and if I'm being honest there's not a lot to write home about. Leafe hit the post in the first half, we seemed to leave our scoring boots at home. But in the second half, we got a corner, swung in for Matt E to head home. Although a draw would have been more of a fair reflection I guess. Wonder if the pressure of such a run is getting to the players?
For the record, we seemed to have sacrificed flair for pragmatism, and not everyone is happy. Here's my $0.02 : we could play 11 in defence and as long as we keep winning I couldn't give a shit. Only the most idealistic would expect us to slaughter each team we play with defence splitting 20 pass goals. As Leafe showed, they're going to dig into us, stop us playing and try and nab a goal on the break themselves. Horsham nearly did that to us as well, and therefore we're going to roll our sleeves up and get stuck in. Nope, it's not pretty. Nope, it's not going to sell many DVDs. But as any Chelski fan will gladly grunt, it's better to win and bore than excite and lose. As it stands, we have a 100% record, when we could have easily been two games in the "loss" column. While we will lose soon, and I don't fancy the fallout when we do, for now, we're doing the right thing. All else is bullshit.
And on that note...
Plus points: A win. Away. Clean sheet. Coping well with tough conditions.
Minus points: Crap game. Ursell and Woolner going off injured.
The referee's a.....: Didn't lose control as much as the ref last Saturday, though that wasn't difficult, and generally had an alright game. Didn't seem to want to book many players though. Not that he was totally silent : during one melee he kept blowing his whistle like he was in the Notting Hill carnival. Then again, with the pushing and shoving going on, he must have thought he was in Notting Hill the rest of the time. Also, quote of the year from the lino on hearing comments from the Leafe bench : "Who taught you language like that?".
Them: Nice hosts off it, organised well and it's one of my more favourite grounds. Their manager's teams are known as cloggers, and proved it today. So much so that when a sub came on he was being told to "try and keep within the laws of the game". If they could shoot better they would have caused us trouble. Special mention must go to former AFCW player Andrew Petty, who really did live up to his name. It all seemed to happen at the end of the game : basically, he took his shirt off, gave it a Craig Bellamy-esque flex of muscle, as in a "do you know who I am you little shits?" manner. Yup, we know who you are. You were a former player who most of us forgot ever played for us, such was your contribution to AFCW. Just think, with a bit more talent and a more advanced IQ Petty could have been loved by 3000 fans. Still, he can go back to pouting like an irrelevant little canary in front of 200 odd middle class Times readers too busy doing the crossword.
Bench warfare: Stood behind the dugout and it's really an experience. Firstly, every third word is "fucking". Secondly, the interaction of the two benches was worth a section in itself. The Whyteleafe bench won the war of the words with the "It's not all golden boots and backheels" comment and cemented it with a "Better than sitting at home having a barbeque" to a subbed player. Though one of their bench did call one of our fans an "irate poof" and did accuse the ref of playing to the crowd.
However, unfortunately DA let himself down with a rather stupid yet predictable comment to one of the Leafe bench - I know he's a NI Rangers fan, and Ulster is full of retards at the best of times, but calling somebody a "Fenian cunt" is not on. Seriously, it's fucking shit. Having experienced some stuff like that myself in Belfast, I can assure you it is not pleasant. The Leafe bench went spare, and TBH I don't blame them. I know I was uneasy and so were a couple of others around me (you know who you are). They shook hands warmly after an apology from DA, and it was probably heat of the moment stuff, but as they said, we don't need that Belfast shit here. Oh, and Nicky English asked me if I was a reporter...
Point to ponder (1): Why does Naisbitt have a phobia about catching the ball at corners? He seems to want to punch them away, causing a touch of the brown trousers. Note to Danny - you are a goalkeeper. You are not Amir Khan.
Spotted: Who were Newport IOW playing today? I'm sure I saw their coach on the way to the game.
Point to ponder (2): Are we turning up expecting to win games automatically? As said before, I really do not want to read the fallout when we do finally lose a game. It seems there are enough bitchy comments when we win, when we lose I fully expect Serbia and Croatia to offer joint peacekeeping forces to hold the warring AFCW fanbase apart.
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Didn't those gliders landing at the nearest aerodrome look flimsy? (2) Nice of the local Skoda dealership to have a couple of cars on display for our visit. Especially mine, as I'm actually looking for a new (or nearly new) car. Skodas are nice cars, being VW built, but I really don't think £12k for a car no bigger than my 12 year old Nissan Sunny is likely to entice my wallet. (3) Not noticing JS coming on in the first half. He sneaked on without me even noticing. Not only that, but he didn't die of exhaustion after 5 minutes. (4) Weather going hot/cold/sunny/raining/hot again. And this in a 10 munute spell the first half.
Franchise watch: Urgh. They won at the FrenzyDome, beating Torquay 1-0 in front of 3,015 football starved loyalists. Torquay is the team of Helen Chamberlain who co-presents the completely unfunny Sucker AM on Sky. Wouldn't surprise me if she went in, she looks like a seriously rough old slapper, and her Penthouse pics don't do her any favours...
Anything else? Yeah. I scalped a ticket for £5.
Hello mum: Firstly, hello to the two (or was it three?) readers who I met today. Salutations, even if I didn't know who you were :) Secondly, apologies to the person who thinks I'm on permanent heat. I have honestly no idea why they should think that of me...
So, was it worth it? Well, it was a nice day out.
In a nutshell: Welcome to the real world of football again.
28 August 2004
The run continues, though like last week Hurry Up Harry 3 Hersham Boys 1 was a little bit more laboured than necessary. While it wasn't nearly like Horsham, you could have been forgiven for thinking that the pressure of keeping the run going is getting to the players a bit. And it started off pretty badly when for reasons unknown, the ref gave a penalty to them. Duly dispatched, 1-0 to them, cue much gnashing of teeth. So, as sure as night follows day, we went up a gear. Using his strength, the not-so-much maligned Richard Butler rounded the goalie, and slotted home in a way that Terry Gibson could never do. 1-1 and that's how it stayed till half time. Second half? Well, after a fair bit of pressure, a cross into the box saw the not-so-much maligned Richard Butler bundled off ball. Even the stupid bint (see below) saw it and pointed to the spot.
To prove the confidence of Robert Ursell, he took the penalty. Goalkeeper saved it. Bounced back to RU, who trapped it, then slotted it home with as much effort as a British Olympian swimmer. 2-1 and from then, it was just ours. It was wrapped up with a sublime goal by the still puffing Joe Sheerin, who somehow lobbed from outside the box with three defenders on him. Not in the Ursell vs Barnet class but I bet plenty will be busting Dons Online's bandwidth to see it.
Got that? Good...
Plus points: A win. Three goals. Tenacity. Kept going forward even when the game was won. The much maligned Richard Butler being downgraded in the hatred stakes - even gets his own chant now.
Minus points: Richard Butler going off after being kicked. Kept giving the ball away. Conceding the goal.
The referee's a..... : She was female, and was a completely dumb bitch. OK, that's a bit unfair - probably - but she really didn't have that much control of the game, kept missing free kicks etc and even got the comatose Main Stand out of their slumber to chant "You don't know what you're doing". She also blew at inopportune moments, which at least makes going out on a date with her enjoyable if a little risky. More importantly, she was quite cute, bit of a stick insect with a sizeable arse though. She did rub their goalie a little bit when she gave our penalty. Of more concern was the fact that one of the linos was from Milton Keynes.....
Them: As a club, Wimbledon has a lot to be thankful for the very existance of W&H. Allan Batsford (guest of honour and quite rightly so), Dave Bassett, and quite a few others as well shaped the club's history. The current lot weren't bad I suppose. They had about 10 or so fans up from the rough bit of Surrey (so rough they only have 2 Mercedes in the drive) and made a noise when they scored. Bless them. Oh, and their shooting was shit.
Roast Pork: Haha, the Met lost. 3-0 I think it was. To Hastings. Victory is ours. Wonder if they'll be the Ryman equivalent of Paula Radcliffe? Oh, and one of the Met's finest's reason for not buying a WUP? Because he did our games at Plough Lane....
Spotted: Well, sort of. I was informed of two possible sightings of a certain mouthy two-faced Franchise fan (or ex-Franchise fan) who wears glasses and is about 4 ft tall. I think you guessed who it is. One of the WUP sellers was given some pretty choice words by him - "fuck off you cunt" was the exact phrase, without a hint of humour or irony - and somebody else pointed out his sighting. So, I wonder if he was recognised? More to the point, if he was identified correctly, wonder if he got out without much harm?
Point to ponder: Why does JS look so puffed out even with god knows how much fitness training?
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Finally, tea available before the game. Tastes good and cheap as well. Yes, it took me two years to realise that Fat Boys is open before the game. Fair Trade can kiss my capitalist arse (2) The chant of "You should have stayed on your line" from us to the W&H goalie after JS's lob was class. But not as class as "Where were you when Sheerin scored?". (3) Can I point out to WUP that Tooting and Mitcham has nothing whatsoever in common with Leipzig. The people in the old DDR city can speak better English for a start.
Franchise watch: Chortle. Tee hee. Lost 3-0 to Oldham AND only took 88 (if that) gimps. Reportedly played so poor that even Viking Greenford fans laugh at them in the street. Oh, and am I the only one who finds Talksport's freudian slip of "Milton Dons Keynes" funny?
Hello mum: So, who was it who said "Nothing wrong with him" to a W&H player before said player turned round to reveal a crimson mask? Clue : it wasn't me.....
Anything else? Yeah, for the second half I made a little visit to the West Bank to see what the fuss is about.. Two observations. Firstly, it proves that the hAE does need a roof, and if the club ever manages to clear its debt off (next projected date of settlement about 2011 at this rate) should be a priority. Secondly, it's really quite a crap view isn't it? Still, the singing wasn't too bad.
Oh, and one other thing that struck me today, from a conversation with somebody back from holiday and something on the PA - what is the current fascination with Cuba? OK, I know that Che Guevara film is out, their amateur boxing is pretty good, Castro's about to croak it and the Yanks have probably been in league with him for ages but........ Surely if you want to go anywhere hostile with miserable living conditions, a desolute population, a corrupt and subservient press and the place's dictator being a strange looking man with advanced delusion, you might as well go to Milton Keynes.
So, was it worth it? Guess so
In a nutshell: If the kids are united...
25 August 2004
Exciting. Invigorating. Edge-of-seat stuff. Just three expressions you couldn't use when describing Green 2 Amber 0. I have no idea about the first half, I spent it talking about North Eastern cities with somebody, which was far more interesting. In fact, the only thing I remember was the much maligned Richard Butler looping over and then kicking the post in frustration. Nearly broke it (and his foot). I was convinced that I had some mental condition that made me miss all the good stuff (my mum thinks I have ADD), though as the half time conversations in the bar/bog were about Amir Khan's first round KO, obviously I didn't. Second half I don't think had much more going for it. None the less, things did liven up when Robert Ursell did a nice bending free kick to make it 1-0. It followed with a good shot in the box by Martin Randall to make it 2-0. And apart from a good Naisbitt save, that really was that.
Moving on...
Plus points: A win. Competent. Good RU free kick. Bit easier than last Saturday.
Minus points: Dull. Defence looks panicky at times.
The referee's a.....: It must have been a dull game, I don't think anyone talked about him at all. I can't even use my "he was as reliable as an Olympic judge" soundbite.
Them: They certainly weren't a patch on last season. Either that or we're better (see "Point to ponder" below). Forced Naisbitt into making a good save but that was about it. Oh, and there's a Banstead fan in the road near me. Shall I stand outside his house and chant abuse?
Hang the DJ: Unusual voice on the PA last night. I thought somebody from Pathe News had taken over . Very plummy voice, almost Mr Cholmondeley-Warner like. I half expected him to call us the Association Football Club of Wimbledon, refer to the MoM as Matthew Everhard - "h" included - and ask the crowd's appreciation for a good competitive game. Anyway, the announcer in question was the club journo's old man, who I believe is a thespian of some sorts. Apparently stepped in at a late stage because nobody else was able to do the PAing*. At least he spared us some songs from a young American vocalist called Perry Como.
* - apparently, not everyone can do the PA, they have to be considered "broadcastable" enough to get people out in an emergency. Which not only destroys the moneymaking wheeze that they ought to raffle PA places, but also destroys the fun image I have of somebody with tourettes doing it.
Rod Steward: See that now we're in league game territory again they're being a bit more "professional", shall we say? Scabs. Incidentally, thanks to the many (OK, two) people who pointed out that for Horsham the AFCW were being employed in a more private capacity. Don't particularly like "stewards" and "private capacity" somehow - for those with long memories, wasn't that the cause of the problems we had at Portsmouth?
Point to ponder: Last season we played Banstead in whatever cup it was. We played well, in fact we played out of our skins that day. But we lost because they got two goals at the end. Last night, we looked the higher division side and more than deserved our win. Now, even now I still hear cries that we never gave last season's CCL team a chance to prove ourselves in the higher level. Well, the two performances I've just mentioned nailed it down for me : I'm glad we got rid of most of last season's squad as we wouldn't be 12 points from 12 if we'd kept them. We also have new heroes - Ursell, Naisbitt, and even the much maligned Richard Butler isn't quite so maligned (now that people have stopped blaming him for the temerity of replacing KC).
Truth is stranger than fiction: For some reason I wrote down 3-0 in my notes. The game wasn't that hallucinatingly bad was it?
Franchise watch: Arse, they won in the Fizzy Lager Cup against Peterborough. 3-0 as well. Doubtless we'll get the millions of Frenzied loyal supporters telling - no, lecturing - us that they're on the up again and they'll surely be in the Premiership next season. They remind me of England fans.
Anything else? Two things. One, I note that Jamie Taylor wasn't exactly being praised as he went off by many. Secondly, Jones B's absence has come about for a disiplinary reason. For those who can't be arsed to read the OS, he was given a one month suspension for - I quote - "an off-the-ball incident with a member of the opposing team during a pre-season friendly". Hmm. He'll be back on September 20th, though with the way DA seems to operate, if somebody just as good and - just as important - reliable comes along, I get the feeling Jones B will be in the Andy Clarke/Gareth Ainsworth file of "Promising but....".
So, was it worth it? Urm...
In a nutshell: Ho hum. Suppose it beat watching Liverpool vs AK Graz.
And finally: Believe it or not, today is the 20th anniversary of my first ever Wimbledon game. Wimbledon vs Man Shitty it was, a bright sunny day, plenty of people and many Chelski outside wishing to discuss the weather with the Shitty fans. I'm not totally sure what to make of it all 20 years on, but this brought it home yesterday : there are plenty of people who started watching us in the Isthmian League, and somehow they feel happier watching us in the Isthmian League in 2004...
21 August 2004
Jesuz christ. Horse 2 Cart 3 was not only a Get Out Of Jail Free card, but a free house in the poshe part of town, a guaranteed income of Chelski's transfer budget, a knighthood in the Honours list and the phone number of the best French hookers in town wanting to practice their oral skills. OK, maybe it wasn't as melodramatic as that, but for a long period in the first half, it was probably the worst I have seen us play for eons. It was almost like the original Wimbledon Common team versus Brentford.
Needless to say, it all started off hunky dory. A nice playthrough by RU leaving the much maligned Richard Butler to net through the goalie's legs. 1-0 and yet another arsewhipping of cannon fodder was merely forthcoming. Except it wasn't, for Horsham not only got back into the game but the bastards even had the cheek to go ahead, a slow defence and a free kick thrust us towards our first defeat.
Second half started and we put them under the cosh so much it got inhumane. But no matter what we did, it wasn't going to go in. Shots that would have settled ties went wide, or hit a player, or got saved by the goalie. Sometimes all three. And when Bolger missed from about 3mm out, I was writing the obitiaries. Then came the drama. The much maligned Richard Butler got fouled in the box. Penalty. I expected the goalie to save it, but RU proved me wrong. Cue mass orgy. Then we pressed more and more. Two minutes later, a free kick. Whipped in, headed onto the post. Up followed Steve Butler to nab it in.3-2 to us and more mass orgy. I think that at least three of our fanbase are now pregnant as a result, whilst a couple will be nervously waiting for the test results from the VD clinic.
Anyway, shall we?
Plus points: Fantastic comeback. Gritty. Never gave up even when it was apparently obvious that we were doomed.
Minus points: Defence. Midfield. Attack. Most of the first half. Ginge limping off. Too much fancydanning when we needed to be direct, too much direct stuff when a bit of fancydanning might have been wise.
The referee's a.....: Oh dear. Kept getting called a "Nazi" in the second half. Presumably he likes listening to Skrewdriver in his spare time. His linesman was a bit, ahem, non league shall we say....
Them: Nice and cheap, £6.50 to get in is very reasonable. Quite pleasant as well. Their fans may have sung a lot (see below) but they weren't exactly threatening. Nice lady in the tea bar even gave me the last bottle of water. They did some crunching tackles (what is it about Horsham teams? YMCA next door weren't exactly shrinking violets) and they looked POed at the end. There there.
Song sung blue: For once, they outsung us. Some of their stuff was dead weird though, and probably not for us urbanites. They gave us "Is that all you take away" - quite - and they wittily retorted "Shall we drink a beer for you?" when the PA said there was no way AFCW fans could get to the bar at half time. At the end, they got treated to "Did you really think you'd win?" by us. And then there was this ditty. To which we replied with this. You don't get this at Premiership games.
Point to ponder: Read this theory on W&WW, although I don't think anyone played overly special. Were the CCL players (ie those we had last season) the worst on the pitch? I know I had to ask whether Matt E was playing, and he's one of the few I instantly recognise. JS was called onto the pitch by many though I don't think he had that much impact. I wonder if once you knuckle down in this division your frailties show? In other words, looking good at CCL level is a lot different to looking good at R1? If so, KC and Sully won't be the only ones out on their ear....
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The sight of Randall getting involved in an off-the-ball after 10 seconds of coming on. (2) Seeing some of our stewards, er, stewarding. Thought we weren't doing it anymore for our away games? (3) The relief after the FT whistle blew. (4) The PA. Half Heart FM, half crap local radio (yeah, I know Heart FM is the radio equivalent of constipation). Even played the cover version of Buck Fizz's "Land of Make Believe", the same cover version that even had the TOTP presenter taking the piss out of it.
Franchise watch: Trouble in Frenzyville. Firstly, they lost to Bournemouth at the NHS. Secondly, they do it in front of a WFC saving figure of 3230. But even better, it transpires that somebody confronted Stupid Murdick outside, told him to quit and got told "Is that what you want?". There are better things than being MK's manager, for example severing your testicles with rusty barbed wire, but if Murdick does get the hint, perhaps SW19 could have a little fun. Who fancies applying for their manager's job?
Anything else? Yeah. This has to be a wakeup call for AFCW. Not just the players but our fans as well. Had we lost, I think that many would have blamed the referee as a scapegoat. We will NOT walk this league. We will NOT turn this into a CCL mark two. Our fanbase is very arrogant at times*, and while we have a right to feel confident after our long, long unbeaten run, I really was wondering how we would react if we'd lost. I fear it wouldn't have shown us in a good light. We generally do expect things on a plate then moan like whinging shits when we don't get it. With luck, we learnt something today, a lesson that we won't get things our own way.
* - yes, I do sometimes refer to the opposition as cannon fodder but most people are aware I do it with a certain amount of tongue in facial area. Some of our fans however really do think that we're always right and beyond reproach.
So, was it worth it? If the players are forced to watch the performance from the first half again, then yes.
In a nutshell: Smash. Grab.
19 August 2004
It's
difficult to write about Athletic 1 Track and Field 3 without
mentioning how wet it was. And it's August. The game itself was I
suppose how much of this season is likely to go : the opposition being
far more up for it and more capable of getting a result, but us ultimately
coming out on top. It all started with Ursell making it 1-0 to us
fairly early on. Cue songs of "we are top of the league".
Then, following a nice cross into the box and a nice bit of control,
it was, urm, hold on.... [checks Official Site] .... Ursell again
to put the game slightly beyond reach. Then I headed to the bar. Came
back out and while CAFC were huffing and puffing a bit more, it was
Jamie Taylor (with a bit of help from JS) which made the scoreline
CCL level. Needless to say, a defensive lapse made it 3-1.
The rest of it? I was watching the rain. Very pretty it was too.
Moving forward...
Plus points: Another vintage Wimbledon performance. Probably harder than Ashford on Saturday. Generally solid display.
Minus points: Defence not concentrating for 90 minutes. The weather sucked.
The referee's a.....: It seems like nobody liked the short arsed one, it appeared even DA had a couple of words with him at the end.
Them: Now, this is the sort of thing that makes me glad we went up. Nice little ground - even if the roof wasn't special - and CAFC are extremely organised, even if they did have to use Palace stewards. Attempts at a beer tent weren't overly successful, the amount of times they put it out that it existed over the PA wasn't a good sign. It was wet (really?) and all they sold was Fosters, Fosters and more Fosters. And I hate Fosters. Fortunately, I managed eventually to get into their rather nice bar, with lovely Guinness (better than the KM shite anyway) and even the Wales vs Latvia game. They then stopped showing the football and put England vs Ukraine on instead.
Copper nickus: Plenty of police about, but then considering the area, it's just as well. Put it this way - put a load of white chavs and black chavs together and forget to clean the place up and you'll understand where I'm coming from. Some of the best traffic policing afterwards which got people away from the place quite quickly.
Did you know?: CAFC's ground is actually as close as dammit to the Merton border. Serious. If you decide to use your half price voucher (which I think a couple of people might, I know I'm tempted), just walk through the park by the main car park entrance, and you'll spot the street sign in glorious Merton colours. Perhaps there's some spiritual thing about Merton that made the vibes here good. Needless to say, the more Croydon-esque areas should be flattened immediately, preferably with most of the inhabitants still in there.
Point to ponder: How come that teams like CAFC can get a reasonable ground together for relatively not much money, and yet Franchise claimed they couldn't do anything in Merton? It is rather strange that a R1 club can put a good new stand up, spend £150k on the pitch, and make a bid to buy the surrounding pitches yet a professional club was somehow so incapable of doing likewise that they just had to so desperately move 70 miles northward. Sorry to rant, I think that going to a place that was on the way to Selhurst just brought back the old prejudices. And did we really put up with that sort of shit for 12 years?
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Being trapped at half time by the mad CAFC fan who talked about hurricanes - don't ask - and gave me a free programme for listening to him. I can feign interest in the most tedious of things, with the exception of Dons Trust meetings (2) Christ, we were loud in the second half. I wonder if the level of expectation has lifted us beyond last season's lethargy?
Anything else? Ooh, who's relationship is based on "electronic items"? If you don't know, don't ask...
So, was it worth it? Yeah.
In a nutshell: Champions by Christmas, surely?
15 August 2004
Oh well, it happens to the best of us. Looks like the heat got to me last night and I got my wires crossed about Ivor's company in relation to the programme being printed. Unless somebody emails me to the contary, he didn't have anything to do with the programme at all. It was the first time in two years I've picked up an AFCW proggy, and was a bit intrigued by who printed it. I DO know that Ivor's company did some printing for AFCW in the beginning. I know this because I saw it with my own eyes (leaflets, in case you must know). So in case more people at AFCW get the right arse with me over the comment, I'll check a little bit more thoroughly before I put things in print. I normally get things right though ;)
Speaking of getting the right arse, I read with interest the new Soapbox and the Outside Write colums. The OW I would hope is like the old "Other View" or whatever it was called in the programmes from the 1980s. For those who don't know, it was when a guest writer from somewhere like the Daily Mirror would write an article not necessarily relating to matters in SW19. As for Soapbox, why does free speech for the dumb spring to mind? I will be polite and assume that she wrote it before the Barnet game. If not, it will confirm that we have some right fucking idiots following us.....
14 August 2004
The first day always brings excitement, anticipation and a few nerve jangling moments along the way. And today was no exception. I am of course talking about the Olympic boxing. Despite some iffy refereeing, it seems like the Cubans, Russians and Khazakstanis will be collecting the metal disks at the end (keep an eye out for a Khaszak called Shumenov Beibut who outclassed the Polish guy in the light heavyweight today. He'll be the one who loses in the next round now I've jinxed him). Two things strike me : one, why do boxers always shake hands and hug each other when they've just spent the last half an hour beating the shit out of each other? And secondly, why do two of the strongest boxing nations going - UK and Ireland - have a mere four boxers competing? Cuba on their own have double that. You can't tell me that some of the dossholes around London or Dublin don't have the next world class champion or Audley Harrison in their gyms....
The football? Oh, that. Well, it was a case of carrying on where we left off, and Spanners 5 Nuts and Bolts 1 had a definite feel of CCLness about it. It certainly had a CCL crowd of 3095, which down the hAE was pretty claustrophobic. And I'm sure Phillo and the police told you not to change ends at HT. You naughty people. The game. We started off pretty brightly, coming close on a couple of occasions. However, this is Ryman 1, not the CCL. A free kick to them, some slack defending and bam. 0-1. Cue much gnashing of teeth, more than a few shouts of "he was fucking offside you cunt" and me trying to think of how I was going to write a defeat up without people killing themselves.
What I did write down on the SW19 notepad (swiped from Hilton Los Angeles Airport, for you fact fans) was "Good wake up call". And so it proved, for two minutes later, a bit of a scramble and up popped the much maligned Richard Butler. 1-1, and the PA tune of hallejuha never quite felt so apt. This spured us on in a giant spuring type manner, and came the storm. Another attack, ball bounced to Jamie Taylor who sweetly volleyed it. 2-1. More pressure, and a corner. Swung in, header back and bam. Steve Butler making it 3-1. It felt CCL like again, as though we'd somehow got relegated back without us knowing. Half time came and went, and soon it was 4-1, with about 3 of our players deciding whether to take a shot or not. Up popped the much maligned Richard Butler. Do you think that it will now stop the professional moaners about him and comparing him to KC? No, neither do I. Finally, the best till last : outside the area, Jamie Taylor, nice curve and 5-1. Already on the next end of season DVD, and they've only just bought out the last one.
And that, as they say, was that....
Plus points: Win. 5 goals. Almost embarrasing. Good performances by all. Good to see the much maligned Richard Butler get goals and a good reception when he went off. And for JS coming on, and looking like he's putting it about a bit more. Looking as dominant in R1S as we did in the CCL.
Minus points: Conceding.
The referee's a......: They told us it would be different. They told us it would be fairer. They told us that in the land of the bigger boys the teachers would be more just, truthful and integral. They told us that in the Ryman, the referees would be better. They were wrong. Very wrong. Too wrong...
Them: About 30 of them came down, in scarves and shirts. As somebody said to me before the game, it's clear we've gone up a level as our opponents sell merchandise. Lovely kit, I don't think. Unsure if they're one of the better teams in the R1S, but they're probably on a par with the best CCL club. One thing for sure, I doubt if it'll be as easy as this each week.
We are the goon squad and we're coming to town, beep beep: Something strikes me about our coppers. They seem interested in the football. The two near me were talking about Chessington and Hove (sic) last season, with the mini riot and something about changing rooms. In fact, one was overheard saying "Even I saw that" in response to an over-zealous challenge. Makes a change*
* - OK, cheap shot. The police generally do a good job, and as Richie Rich said in Filthy, Rich and Catflap, next time you get in trouble, call an alternative comedian.
Bang, bang, bang on the door, baby: Drums usually suck at games, they're the sort of thing that Sucker AM find funny. And there are plenty of things funnier than Sucker AM, like constipation. Well, today, two known persons bought these instruments in, and started playing them. Started off much in the way intended, then the chants went "stick your fucking drum up your arse". Then, comes something that should go in Truth... but deserves its own section. The West Bank, for once being vocal, did a rendition of Little Drummer Boy. And it went on for quite a while. In fact, it started taking on a life of its own, with pro-AFCW lyrics being created on the fly. And they say there's no humour in football anymore.
Song Sung Blue: As said before, the West Bank were in good voice for once. A nice set of anti-Kent/Ashford/pikey references not seen this side of Gillingham. "Wheels on your house go round and round" is still class even to this day. I understand the "We are going up" ditties. After all, we've only got nine more months to go
Point to ponder: Why didn't Steve Butler have the SI logo on his shirt?
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) I will never listen to Little Drummer Boy in quite the same way again. (2) Extraordinary amount of wasps about. What use is a wasp anyway? They don't produce honey, they don't eat other creatures that might annoy us, like spiders do. They just sort of meander about menacingly, getting in your way for no reason at all and drone like hell. Like a Franchise fan in fact. (3) Signs up at the hAE toilets for male, female and disabled. At least if Bryan Robson ever found himself at KM he'd finally know which one was the ladies* (4) Why are Ashford called Nuts and Bolts? (5) Sub boards. Finally.
* - for the uninitiated, Bryan Robson was arrested in the 1980s for being caught in a ladies toilet in a nightclub, trousers down his ankles etc etc. Not the only time he got injured in the tackle.
Franchise watch: And more back to where we were a couple of months ago. Lost 2-1 to Swindon. No idea how many gimps went down to Wiltshire, but here's a rough guestimate : if the amount of their fans turning up today were in the Olympic opening cermony, waving their Republic of Milton Keynes flag, the Solomon Isles contingent would be pissing themselves at how small their turnout was.
Anything else? Yeah, noticed that Ivor's company isn't doing the programme printing anymore...
So, was it worth it? New season, new division, same old results? Nah...
In a nutshell: We are going up.
10 August 2004 (again, no photos. They'll be back Saturday)
So, what can I say about Oval 3 Lords 0? Well, firstly I could say that we had a goaline clearance after about 30 seconds. I could say that I was writing something down when Bolger made it 1-0 (I am told that it was a throw-in and a flick on by Butler). I could say we were a bit lethargic in defence at times. I could say that we made it 2-0 thanks to the much maligned Richard Butler netting. I could also say how ironic it was that he did that with KC in the stand watching, apparently making a comment that they were the ones drawing the crowds in or something. Hope that's a joke, his reported comment on Saturday that he was playing us off against Carshalton for a contract is fast putting him in the "snidey ex-hero" column. What is it with our ex-players? Funny how he keeps turning up to our games, he probably wants to come back, a la SSK. Anyway, I could say that we made it 3-0 at the end with the ever-increasingly-confident JS netting a rather sweet volley. Even the other players looked please for him. But what I'd really like to say was that it was bloody wet and Monday is a stupid time for a PSF.
Anyway...
Plus points: Another win. Another clean sheet. Good boosts for Butler and JS. In fact, Butler getting in there a couple of times. Quite sharp up front. Jones B looking livelier than Lee Hughes in the prison showers this morning
Minus points: Passing a bit shit.
The referee's a.....: He was a bit on the slow side giving decisions, but on the whole he was OK. Incidentally, well known Dons fan (and the guy who got called Ashley Cole on Fantasy Football League 2004) Godfrey was doing lino duties last night. Just one thing that bothered me, next time he wants to be impartial and flag whenever there's an offside, can he not do it when we're attacking? Thank you.
Them: Wasn't their kit horrible? No idea what level they are, about the same as ours I'm told. They weren't too bad I suppose, despite the scoreline. Their goalie suffered a nasty concussion though.
Point to ponder: Reported ugly scenes from Saturday when a couple of our new players were basically acting arsey in the bar (not Ursell I hasten to add, who is described as a nice guy). I won't mention names, in case it's mistaken identity, but it was interesting that they were the same ones who didn't exactly set the place alight last night. It really makes me a bit puzzled - and more than a little POed - how some players can throw all sense of goodwill away. After all, KC is going from hero to zero in quite a few people's eyes, mine included, and these new lot aren't even having the decency to leave the club before they do that. A sharp word or two might suffice, though somehow I get the feeling that they may not have the necessary nous or attitude to make their AFCW careers a long and successful one...
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) I don't think I've seen certain bar staff so desperate for trade at half time. The pleads of "can I help you please?" sounded more concerned than Peter Winkelmann's monthly meeting with the creditors. (2) So much so that I got a nice hologram of a shovel on my Guinness. The barman was keen to do a typical Dublin scene for me, but didn't know how to draw depictions of traffic jams, extortionate prices and violent locals*
* - OK, despite being a bit Cork biased, I don't mind Dublin. But every time I go to that part of Ireland I see glassings, fights, policemen getting knocked off motorcycles, often within a 20 yard area. And this when Shamrock Rovers AREN'T playing.
Anything
else? Yeah. Caught a glimpse of the new club shop kiosk
with its shutters open. And it does look pretty nice. With luck they'll
call it the Don's Shop. In all seriousness, it would be nice to have
something a bit more permanent and moorish than the back bar. One
day they may even have something I like in there.
So, was it worth it? Suppose so.
In a nutshell: Watch us lose on Saturday
7 August 2004 (sorry, no pictures, I couldn't be arsed to carry my camera)
As somebody
outside said after the game, they can't wait for the new season to
start. And after Toilet 3 Bog 0 it's probably not
that surprising. Think about it, they're two divisions higher than
us and we managed to do what teams like Man U do - soak up the pressure,
then hit them at the end. Anyway, in the beginning we had a corner,
and like a welcome repeat of your favourite TV programme, up popped
Matt E for a trademark header. 1-0. It sort of degenerated a little
bit the game, because of the heat (we certainly didn't go into everything
110%), though we did do some long balls defence splitting passes
quite well.
Second half, it was more of the same until the last five minutes. I made the comment that we needed a second goal urgently as they were attacking quite hard. So, a breakout of defence, cross into Ryan Gray who effortly slotted home. 2-0 and my reputation as Nostradamus was intact.
Like Ks, we seemed to go up a gear afterwards, and it was no surprise that the ever impressive Ursell got the ball in the box, took his time, picked his spot and slided it past their loud goalie. 3-0. Who said that we're a pub team?
Anyway...
Plus points: A win. Against higher opposition. Without conceding. Fitness the best I have seen from a Wimbledon team in eons. Seemed to go up a gear after scoring. Paying £6 entry most agreeable, and should be de rigeur for all AFCW games (although surely with the club's ethical stance, they shouldn't be charging entry at all?)
Minus points: Dear Mr Naisbitt. Please don't try and dribble around oppo players. It's scary and will lead to doom. Yours sincerely, SW19.
The referee's a...: Well, he was a little bit picknitty, though he did start giving us some decisions later on.
Them: Many around me thought that they did look a division or two above us at times, and they didn't exactly look like CCL cannon fodder. No idea on the strength of their team though, but I bet it weren't bad. A load of their fans - well, four anyway - turned up and gave a 10 second chant and that was about it. Nice that their #2 was replacing divots for us, obviously they too know what happens when our secretary finds out his pitch has been violated. And their #5 looks like a certain geriatric Glesga Rangers fan of my aquaintance....
If you can't stand the heat: Fucking hell, it was hot. I think the weather at Horley last season - which got so cold I literally could not write anything - was infinitely more preferable than being stuck in a furnace. Will say it again - anyone who purports to like this sort of weather is either mentally imbalanced or one of those airheaded slappers who present the weather who really think that those who have their health suffer in baking temperatures regard it as "lovely".
Spotted: A certain chrome domed individual who had a bit of, ahem, trouble after Coney Hall. Presumably allowed back now, and would be advised to keep a low profile. Incidentally, if every AFCW fan who had found themselves in bother last season had been banned from games for a season, there could have been a couple of interesting absentees
Point to ponder: I note the Bognor manager has been there 32 years. So, let's have a competition : how many photos of previous Bognor Regis Town chairman in compromising positions does the manager have?
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Wasn't that many there, plenty of regulars missing. Indeed, quote from behind the bar said "I've never seen the bars so quiet". (2) Plenty of Rick "Superfreak" James over the PA system. If playing music from recently deceased music stars is going to happen often, I will hope that Mick Hucknall finds the secret of eternal life. (3) The sewage from Berrylands STUNK. What do they put in there? More to the point, do I really want to know? (4) Nice professionally printed tickets, even if they do look like boarding cards that Ryanair airports give you. (5) A 31 year old mascot. Surely the application wasn't held up that long in the post?
Franchise
watch: Bloody hell, has the new season started already? Twenty
years ago, when I watched my first ever proper game (Wimbledon vs
Man City for those who care), it started on the 25th August. Now,
we may as well not have a close season, the way the second division
first division Championship works out these days. Anyway. Franchise
started off in div 3, er, div 2, er, League One, and drew 1-1 vs Barnsley.
About 4700, or 2000 Barnsley, which is basically par for the course
as last season. So they practically have a loyal (sic) fanbase of
2700. Remember kids, this was saving Wimbledon Football Club, as the
club were going to die with crowds of 6000 at SP, and don't you forget
it. The Great Leader Pete Win Kel Man said that, and anyone who doubts
him is evil, a liar and will find that Damon Le Gite will slit your
families throat and steal your money for Inter MK.
Also, in more Nazi style history re-writing, they wanted to change the engraving of the 88 Cup win. Presumably the FA bods had far more important things to think about this week, like how they can get Ms Alam to swallow.
Anything else? Yeah, on Crapital Old coming back, the two presenters started going on about our rivals next season. No, not T&M but the loveable Met Police. They talked about going down to a game, asked if they sold merchandise, and whether anyone singing "We are the Met" in the style of "We are Leeds" would get done for impersonating a copper. Trouble is, it was a bit condescending, not in a BBC-style lack of respect more a commercial radio one. Nice to see that when it comes to treating all areas of football with a just amount of deference, the meeja as usual fail miserably...
So, was it worth it? Guess so, even if only to see Joe Sheerin last 45 consecutive minutes.
In a nutshell: There's nothing better than a good session on the Bog. Oh, and buy the September issue of 442, out now. And read page 144.
4 August 2004
Last
season we wouldn't have had a result like Tenants 1 Landlords
4, and especially one that could have gone either way before
the last 10 minutes. But this season, with a mixture of new blood
and last year's decent talent, we came to their home ground and certainly
matched them. And this is what's pleased me about the PSFs thus far
- they've mostly been against better opposition and we have yet to
be comprehensively stuffed by any of them. As for the game, we went
ahead thanks to Jamie Taylor following a rebound (at least I think
it was) after 2 minutes. They got back into it on 26 minutes thanks
to a bit of a defensive lapse.
Their 12 men - think about it - piled the pressure on a bit and got
a penalty. Which they duly didn't score. Ha. From then on, we went
up a gear and up popped Matt E to score a trademark. I was photographing
the goal (see above), so I didn't see all of it. I did see Jamie Taylor
capitalise on a defensive mix up to make it 3-1. And I deffo saw JS
get his confidence back by slotting home a volley from an Ursell flick.
4-1. Nice.
Plus points: Winning. Away (stop laughing). Superior fitness in the last 10 mins. Ursell and Butler could be a good partnership. Don't think our goalie had that much to do. JS coming back and looking a bit better than he has done for a while.
Minus points: Conceding. Giving the ball away far too readily.
The referee's a......: A survey of Dons fans at various parts of the game yielded the following comments : "He's ruined the game". "He's a muppet". "He's a homer". "He looks a bit overwhelmed at the size of the audience". "The referee looked like a girl - like Mia Farrow". I think you get the idea. Even the PA guy joined in - "This is tempting fate, but if it's a draw it will go to a penalty shootout", as publicly announced over the tannoy. Presumably to help the referee what the rules were.
Them: Bugger all Ks fans, considering it was their home game (sic). They have really slumped in both attendances and stature, and if this new takeover doesn't work out for them, who knows what will happen? Going bust or merging with us would become quite a realistic option. Whatever happens to them though, it's bound to be our fault. Usually is. Anyway, they apparently haven't got a settled team, about 5 regulars and the rest unknowns. Let's hope that they finally pay the rent this time*.
* - OK I admit it, I'm not the biggest Ks fan in the world, and I do get a little bit fed up with some people expecting us to go easy on them. Truth is, they've had FA Trophy successes in the last 5 years and have basically thrown it away. Ultimately, it's their fault that they're in the shit they're in. Not ours. They may be nice enough people but TBH we've got enough of our own financial worries than constantly being altruistic towards other teams. We done them a helluva favour with this friendly and the last one, which they didn't pay us for. If the glove was on the other foot we wouldn't be let off so easily. Rant over.
Sing Hosanna: Ks fans - all 50 of them - were in good voice, at least in their anti-Sutton vitriol. Us on the other hand were a little bit quiet, though "You're not singing any more" to them as we went 3-1 up was welcomed. And somebody (not me) did try and start a chant of "We've got money haven't you" to them. Didn't work for some reason.
Spotted: Tony "Ex-Franchise Employee" White, talking to people. Clearly not doing any Halifax adverts at the moment.
Point to ponder: Is it me or have we come together so quickly at a rate of knots? I'm pleasantly surprised that the new guys have slotted in almost effortlessly with the older players. Ursell looks like he's been here all the time, and I don't panic when I hear Naisbitt on the team sheet.
Truth
is stranger than fiction: (1) Isn't it weird playing an away
game at home? Now we know how Crystal Palace - or Chrystal Palace
as their new shirts say - felt all these years. (2) In fact, even
now I still can't quite get used to the fact I occasionally watched
Ks in our Prem days and thinking that I didn't really like KM. (3)
I don't care what it is, it's always nice to lift a trophy. Think
our lot looked quite pleased as well. Wonder if the ground fund will
stretch to a trophy cabinet from Ikea? (4) Main stand/AFCW office
(delete according to source) struck by lightning before game. (5)
Burnt out car in car park. Wonder if it's AFCW's new method of telling
people not to park there? Cheaper than buying clamps I suppose
Anything
else? Urm, not really. Back bar wasn't open. 1101 people there
wasn't that bad. Oh, and the world's crappiest rendition of a Joe
Jackson song, which I shall withold identity of singer for fear
of being beaten up embarrasment purposes.
So, was it worth it? Of course.
In a nutshell: I love beating the squatters