30 October 2004

They say that a championship winning team is one that can scrape out results despite playing awfully, especially if S&M 2 T&M 2 was anything to go by. However, that theory only works towards the end of the season, and quite simply, we should have lost. Our defence was shit, our midfield play was shit, our striking was shit, at least for the first 75 minutes. It started off badly, with Naisbitt kicking errantly and T&M returning the favour. Our defence especially looked like it had thought the game was at Imperial Fields instead.

Parity was somehow restored on 29 minutes. We got a corner (no, we didn't do a lap of honour), and up popped Martin Randall to put the mouthy wankers in their place. You would then think we would go up a gear, right? Er, not quite. T&M kept the running going, our defence looked more brain dead than a Florida voter and thwack. 2-1 to them. This didn't look like the team that was slaughtering all before them earlier on.

Half time came - thankfully. We really should have been 4-1 down. Second half started and it felt more of the same. Half a yard too slow. Then suddenly, out of the blue..... a penalty. Penalty to Wimbledon. Surely this was the turning point? Sure, the T&M players had a whinge about it but this was our chance to get back. Up stepped Ursell to save the day, to claim blood for the forces of good against the Evil Empire from the wrong bit of SM4. It was a magical strike to delight people of all ages. It would have been even better had the T&M goalie not saved it.

Rather strangely, this seemed to galvanise us - players and crowd. OK, I had a feeling it was going to be one of those days, and I was ready to hand out suicide instructions on here in the event of us losing. But when Ursell got the ball, took it to the edge of the goaline, and crossed in for Martin Randall to slot home, I knew that our luck was in. From then on, it was us, with the occasional T&M foray that caused a few hearts to stop. We could have won it, and had our scoring boots been put on today, perhaps we would have repeated the scoreline from 1963 (the last time we played them in a proper game). But we didn't. The game was over. We departed to the bar, the T&M fans fucked off back to the Phipps Bridge estate to do their usual Saturday night recreational activities, like car stealing and stabbing people in pubs. And that, as they say, was that.

So...

Plus points: We didn't lose. Thank fuck for Martin Randall

Minus points: The defence. The midfield. The strikeforce. The first 75 minutes. Certain players looked seriously not up for it. Matt E returning and not exactly at the peak of physical fitness.

The referee's a......: Well, he did OK considering he was reffing a local derby. Seemed to let a few attempts at ABH tackles go. The reaction of the lino to various offside decisions made our defence look quick.

Them: At least there were 100 less ASBO candidates in either Mitcham or Tooting this afternoon. Mitcham especially is one of the shittiest places known to humankind, and if Pope John Paul 2 took a visit there, he would drop all opposition to contraception. Did some anti-Plough Lane stuff, about burning it down etc, though weren't so keen on singing it near Wombles. Funny that. One of them when they scored was apparently pushing/punching down the hAE when they scored. Needless to say, you couldn't hear too much out of them when we scored. Oh, and a couple of ICF chants thrown in for good measure....

Oh what an atmosphere: Quite good, and buoyant. The last 15 minutes were the best I've experienced since Dover. I think this was an event, certainly in league terms. We've had bigger games, like AFC Wallingford, the CCL cup final etc, and they didn't quite have the same buzz. Wonder if this now counts as a proper local rivalry?

Point to ponder: Just why was the T&M goalie sitting down when we were taking a corner?

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) As said above, it really has been 41 years since we last played them in a competitive (ie not Lanes Cup) fixture. Doesn't time fly? (2) Seeing about 4 or 5 T&M fans trying to, erm, steam into the hAE in the second half, despite being told not to. They did however go down the WB end.... (3) Your humble/esteemed editor stood next to our Chairman for about 10 minutes today. What got me was that he has to wear a name tag with "Chairman" on it. Only at AFCW.

Anything else? Yeah - I would not like to see what KM is like when it's full to capacity.

So, was it worth it? Urm.

In a nutshell: Derby days. Can't beat them.

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16 October 2004

Did somebody say wake-up call? If there was a measure of how much further we really have to go - and not self-delusion that we can get into the Conference without more wholesale changes - then Arndale 0 Lakeside 2 would be it. This was our cup final and we lost it.

Let's be honest here. Conroy going off, referee not giving us the rub of the green, the weather, whatever the excuse, is irrelevant : today, our naivety showed up. It's all very well stuffing the likes of Met Police and Ashford, but today we played a Conference South team. A good one at that, top six they are, and they have a good away record. We needed to be on top of our game today and we weren't. When you get about a dozen corners in a row and don't come close to converting any of them, it reaffirms the school of thought that we ain't nearly there yet. I don't doubt we're a Ryman Premier team, but if we were a Conf South team, we wouldn't be in the top 12.

I suppose we didn't play too badly, we didn't disgrace ourselves totally. And yes, forcing god knows how many corners shows we weren't always on the defensive. Would have been interesting to see how well we would have done if we'd scored first. But we didn't - their first goal was exactly the same as what Matt E did to CCL defences last year. What goes around, and all that. Second goal came about 5 minutes after HT and practically killed it for us - a good lob and you couldn't say it wasn't coming.

Anyway....

Plus points: Wasn't a humiliation. Did press forward even at 2-0 down. I don't have to use the Magic Of The Cup TM cliche for another season

Minus points: Losing. At home. Not scoring. Out of the FA Cup. Centre back position fast becoming like the drummer in Spinal Tap. Far too many high balls. Even a Suzuki (or was it Isuzu?) jeep could have taken a corner better than us.

The referee's a.......: At least he blew the full time whistle before the rain started again. I wouldn't say the Main Stand were unhappy with him, but I think Boris Johnson would be safer in Liverpool than the referee in the posh bit.

Them: As said previously, top six in the Conf South and you can see why. They looked sharper up front, certainly capable on the break, but probably most importantly of all, they were professional. They knew how to break the game up, knew the little professional tricks. In short, they had seen it all before. Stood next to a Thurrock fan who basically agreed with the above sentiments expressed - quite a few of them as well (took one coach, approx 75 there) and made a loud noise when they scored...

Weather Channel: Rain. This sucked. Even I gave up on the hAE and stood in the JS stand for about 30 seconds before getting fed up with the crush. It eventually stopped raining about 10 minutes before the end, though we did get treated to a nice rainbow behind the WB end.

Point to ponder: Anyone else think that us going out of the FA Cup is not exactly a major catastrophe? I'm not one of those people who wants to sacrifice any and all cups for the league - you need a bit of a fillup otherwise it gets tedious - but I would rather us get promotion and make a damn good go of the FAT. I think we can forget the LSC and the Bryco Cup, they're nice to win but I doubt if there'll be many suicides if we lose in both of them.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Your humble/esteemed editor saying before Thurrock's first goal, "they'll score from that". Ladbrokes have since banned me from their stores. (2) How bad was the water on that pitch? I was almost hoping that the game would be abandoned. (3) Me having to buy a programme and forgetting to take one despite paying for it. Don't ask, it was that sort of day.

Anything else? Yup, whoever was doing the "He used to have grey hair" chants in the JS stand, please take a bow for the biggest laugh all day. And some Just For Men for the subject of said chant.

So, was it worth it? Piss off.

In a nutshell: We can concentrate on the league

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9 October 2004

Few things before I start. Firstly, I should be writing on a regular basis for the Non League Paper (more than likely their midweek games not involving AFCW). I already have Woking vs Forest Green under my belt, and should have a few more in the pipeline. It's possible I may do an occasional Saturday match if I ask nicely, so if you come on here one Saturday evening and find nothing is there, I'm elsewhere.

Secondly, and talking of being elsewhere, I have a vacancy for a report or two - I won't be at either Met Police (Kill Bill 2) or Flackwell Heath in the Bryco tin pot. I'm abroad again - back to Warsaw, this time in the cold - and naturally I won't be there.

And with luck, the Met Police game on the 23rd will be a helluva lot more exciting than Lamb 2 Pork 0. I don't know whether it was because it was a 1pm kickoff, or whether it's because it was an anti-climax after the recent FA Cup wins, or apathy, or the cold, or some crappy game involving two teams afterwards. But this sucked. No, this sucked and then some. With the exception of the goals, I really can remember very little of it. Even my notes weren't that plentiful. But I will endeavour to tell you that we went ahead with an own goal from a corner in the first half. They managed to hit the post and a backpass/shot/something required Naisbitt to scurry back and clear off his line. Second half? Not too much really, except that we managed to net in about the 91st minute thanks to Chris Gell following a good cross by Ryan Gray. And that, as they say, was that.

Now move along please, there's nothing to see here....

Plus points: At least we won without conceding a goal

Minus points: The rest of it.

The referee's a........ Copper. Well, that's what people were trying to sing around me.

Them: Not a bad side, as it goes. Certainly up for it, though their tackles were a bit, ahem, heavy handed. Insert jibe about police brutality here. Mind you, the last time a copper went down so quickly, it ended up with Winston Silcott being convicted. Also, was I the only one who found their sponsorship of "Copleys" a tad on the ironic side?

Song Sung (Boys In) Blue: So, where were the anti-cop chants? Bloody liberals. The Old Bailey is noiser. I think Phillo's choice of music beforehand seemed to go over a lot of peoples' heads - I know I had to ask about some of the stuff being played (although everyone got the Laughing Policeman one). And I'm under 30. Did get a couple of "You're nicked AAAAHHHH" though. A "Chief Wiggum" chant do you? And right at the end, after the second goal, we got "We are the Old Bill haters". Now that's more like it....

Point to ponder: Yesterday, there was a BBC programme about us, and they came up with the statistic that we are only three (now two) games away from at least equalling the British senior football for unbeaten runs. Looking at today, why can't I help thinking that this will be an albatross around our necks?

Truth is stranger than fiction: Or rather, the ACAB special. Your humble/esteemed editor actually asked a copper the time, who I think wanted to nick me for being cheeky. Anyway, in true journo fashion, I got him to admit that he was supporting AFCW because "there are hardly any coppers in the Met Police team". Grand total of four proper coppers, it transpires. I presume the rest are pretend policemen, like traffic wardens, CSOs and anyone who works for the West Midlands Police. Needless to say, I was taken in for further questioning when they asked me "How many players for AFCW actually come from Wimbledon?". I referred them to my duty solicitor and then was released without charge. Incidentally, some other coppers were having banter thrown at them in the WB in the first half, somehow I don't think they were too impressed.....

Franchise watch: So, they move their game to Friday night, somehow persuade 4k football starved locals to come and watch them and they're rewarded with a 2-1 defeat to Bradford in the last minute. Stop laughing. Back in the relegation zone I do believe...

Anything else? Yes, I was reliably told during the game that it would have gone to extra time. Usually, if you're in the lead you don't want extra time as it is a punishment for bad defending at the wrong time. Today, I don't think anyone wanted extra time as it would have sent people into a coma.

So, was it worth it? Listen sunshine, don't question the law, OK? You're going to Hendon....

In a nutshell: Oink.

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2 October 2004

Now look, some may claim I've sold out by being a bit less pessimistic about things recently, but when the Magic Of The Cup TM gives you Brown Stable 0 Brown Shirts 3, it's really hard to be narky, petty and above all else angst-filled.

So. I managed to miss most of the first half, but I had quite a legit reason. See below. I did manage to see RU's first two goals though. Just. First goal was a shot that the goalie appeared to fumble. Second goal was a cross with a far post header. Will that do? If not, it'll have to.

Second half, I found a far better vantage point, for me to see RU's hat trick goal, which looked like a 40 yard screamer. Though it's probably really a 2 yard tap in. And that, really was that.

Now...

Plus points: Win. Again. Away. Again. Clean sheet. Again. Robert Ursell hat-trick. Again (or has he got one before?)

Minus points: JS lasting about 20 minutes.

The referee's a......: Well, he didn't exactly do many favours by totally failing to let any of our injured players back onto the field. HINT - When people are waving at you during a game, it's unlikely it's somebody telling you that you've left your car lights on

Them: Dunstable FC have to be the most under-organised team we've ever played. Try waiting for a cup of tea for 30 minutes in the first half because the two urns they had weren't heating up quick enough. Now you know why I missed the first half. Don't get me wrong, they were nice people, but I was warned before the game that Dunstable wouldn't be able to cope. And they didn't - the toilets were blocked up even before the game started. As for their team, they decided to get physical early on. Didn't exactly work. Oh, and their kit looked like Brighton.

As for Dunstable itself, any place that has Cash Converters as one of the bigger shops is not a place I'd want an evening game at. Half the shops appeared closed, and it's only thanks to an entreprenerial Turkish guy (and I for one will willingly back Turkey to join the EU) that I got some grub. It's Chav City and then some, but then again, any town halfway between Luton and MK isn't going to be full of intellectuals, high flyers and gentry.

Spotted: Somebody else from that Coney Hall game who got a little, ahem, over-excited. Seen coming out of taxi, avec alcoholic drink in mitt...

Point to ponder: Today was totally different to Dover, and, dare I say it, not so much fun. Why? Because it was pretty dormant crowd wise. I really think most of the problem is that we're too spread out. Today, we took the place over and we all hung around in our cozy little groups. We're pretty quiet most of the time TBH - answers on how to make us sound more like Fernebache than Franchise on a postcard please.

Truth is stranger than fiction: Only one story could justify this section. The streaker. Yup, he came on, butt nekked, towards the end of the game and decided to run about - unchallenged. Perhaps that's just as well. He ran to the Dunstable goalie, and jumped on him. He then ran off the pitch and decided to slide tackle (sorry) the lino. Who actually got felled, everyone was pissing themselves extremely concerned. To sum up, I saw a nude man jumping on a guy wearing shorts. He then slid in behind another man in uniform, and they both ended up on the floor smiling. He then was put in handcuffs and got taken away by a big butch guy in cop uniform to be punished. I've always wondered what's in gay porn. Coincidentally, it was suggested that next time we could have a female streaker, though the two women near me weren't quite so keen on volunteering.....

Franchise watch: Before the game, there was a couple of hardnut posts on the internet that some of their mongs were going to come down to our game. Needless to say, they were going to outsing us, show us how it's done and generally act the arse. So, how many did you spot? I spotted the grand total of, er, none. As in nowt. Nothing. Not a sausage. Nil. Nul. Zero. Presumably they all got stuck on the A5. Or maybe they did go, and sort of kept quiet, just in case Winky spotted them if you see what I mean. There's more chance of Christopher Reeve walking the walk than any Franchise fan.

Anything else? Yeah. Didn't the PA guy just sound so frenzied?

So, was it worth it? Of course.

In a nutshell: Two games from Franchise.