30 September 2004

I don't know what it was about Corinthians 0 Sao Paulo 3 but there was a distinctive CCLness about the game. An eerily quiet atmosphere (are we saving our vocal chords for Saturday?), a bit of a run through the motions at times, a comprehensive victory and a willing opposition to boot as well. And their kit was bloody horrible.

The game? Well, it was the sublime Robert Ursell who opened proceedings. Basically, he had a shot on the edge of the area which bounced off a defender. Ball came to him again, and whether he volleyed I don't know but he lined up a shot and sent it crashing into the net. 1-0 and from then you just knew that victory was ours (told you there was CCLness about the game). Soon after that, we put the game beyond any sort of reach by making it 2-0. Much maligned Richard Butler again tested the water (so to speak) from outside the box, and what do you know? Bet it looked good on the DVD.

Second half really wasn't much to write home about. Even that smelly dead horse at the Labour party conference (no, not Cherie Blair, I mean the one the pro-hunt people left) showed a bit more life. Mind you, those who could see the game would have seen Robert Ursell netting a third. Good strike as well, apparently. Me, I was listening to the rather drunk Wombles attempting to sing Ursell's name to the groundbreaking (?) 2 Unlimited track "No Limits".

Meanwhile, back in the real world...

Plus points: A win. Away. Clean sheet. Robert Ursell is God/Allah/Satan.

Minus points: Bit dull.

The referee's a: Didn't exactly wind the crowd up last night. Then again, I don't think an anthrax attack would have had much of an effect. Somebody saw the lino do what looked suspiciously like a wanker sign. Hardly in the Corinthian spirit, but at least it beats waving his flag when there's an infringement.

Them: Corinthian Casuals are one of those sort of teams who have a book of their history in places like Sportspages. Their bar has big pictures of them in places like Brazil (I think Corinthians have something to do with our opponents last night) and South Africa. In other words, anyone who knows about football in this country knows the name CC. As for the 2004 incarnation, nice enough hosts, reasonably priced (although there were no concessions in the stand) and even gave me a pint of Guinness for £2. Don't ask. Their goalie looked like a 19 year old who had just started work in an insurance company. Played like one as well.

Point to ponder: What's the betting that Robert Ursell won't be an AFCW player come the end of the season? Think it will be inevitable - and not to mention a valuable re-education to AFCW fans - that he will depart if he shows this vein of form. As long as we've got in on some sort of deal that we get money for him, I can cope with that. Remember, we ARE a lowly non-league club...

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Not getting to find out whether the old CC diktat of missing penalties for "unsportingness" still existed. (2) JS playing more than 60 minutes without dying. (3) JS playing more than 60 seconds without dying. (4) Was our goalie really made to take his cycling shorts off for not being regulation coloured?

Anything else? I realised just how near SW19 Towers is to CC's ground. It's quite amazing how near a lot of these grounds are. For example, I used to pass CC's ground (and Croydon Athletic's ground as well) on a regular basis without knowing, and I'm sure others have their own particular grounds as well. I'm going to be bold and suggest that I much prefer this level to the CCL...

So, was it worth it? Yup

In a nutshell: What a shame we didn't play this game at the Oval. Think about it...

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25 September 2004

If Saxons 3 Normans 1 is anything to go by, it's likely that we'll be plying our trade in the division above us next season. Not because of a level of football that far surpasses anything in the division - though to an extent I think we're the best team in R1 - but because we can handle these tough games with conviction. When AFCW were WFC, we would have probably lost this sort of game. In fact, AFCW in our first year wouldn't have had the mettle for these sort of games. And yet, today, we didn't really look second best.

Actually, we started off pretty well, Ursell having a 1-on-1 (sort of) in the first three minutes then having another save two minutes after that showed we were out for the attack. I was admittedly distracted quite a bit during the first half, as somebody had collapsed in the John Smiths stand (the nan of one of the Hastings players apparently). From others, I think the phrases "looking like they've got hangovers" and "Hastings are nothing special" were used to devastating effect.

Second half, I went down the WB end. I fancied a change of scenery and I didn't really want to stand with the away fans. I basically saw jack shit. However, Richard Butler netted the first with what appeared to be a nice bit of running, dribbling and shooting. Two minutes later, it was 2-0. It was a ball passed through, and whoever it was tangled with their goalie, who came rushing out head down. Just as well, last time somebody from Hastings looked up when he shouldn't have, they immortalised it in the Bayeux Tapestry. The ball bounced outside the area, along came JS to lift a nifty lob over everyone and into the back of the net.

Standing near a friendly steward, he commented that as long as we don't do a Leatherhead style fuck up, we'd be OK. Suffice to say, it became 2-1 as soon as he said that. Defensive lapse, basically. While I thought we were going to win it, it still looked a bit hairy whenever they went forward. So, imagine my relief when a breakaway, followed by a cross then header from about 4 inches off the floor made it 3-1. Martin Randall, take a bow (just get up off the floor beforehand, could be a nasty head wound otherwise). And that, as they say, was that.

Anyway...

Plus points: Another win. Good performance all round. JS looking better than he has done for a while. Could have had 5 or 6.

Minus points: Them scoring. It pissed down.

The referee's a......: Described as "present", whatever that means. Lino had a nice haircut, whatever hair he had to style.

Them: 100 or so of them came down - is that a record for away fan turnout? They looked up for it, especially their goalie who made some blinding saves. Their fans started a very clear chant of "United".......

Three's a crowd: About 15 minutes before kickoff, it looked very quiet. Honestly thought we were going to have a sub 2.5k crowd, so 2873 is pretty good. Coincidentally, the club announced this week that KM has increased its capacity to 4500 from 4262, the extra capacity coming at the hAE. Now, I'd like to know how this is calculated, because to my untrained eye the hAE looks the same size as it did last time. I presume that the capacity has always been 4500, but to make doubly sure in the past the safety certificate puts it lower. Still, we can now safely house 300 extra people, though whether I'd feel comfortable is another matter.

Spotted: Man in Nationwide coat in the Main Stand, with presumably his wife, avec notepad. Scouting?

Point to ponder: I wonder how long it will be before a side really do us over? Hopefully, it won't be Dunstable.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Glad to see that we didn't have a Brian Clough minute silence, I think they're far too readily held. I would hope that a round of applause would be de rigeur in future for this sort of stuff, where the person concerned didn't have a tie-up with us. (2) The ambulance again coming into the main stand entrance (not literally) at the end of the game. Some people did look a bit agitated (or glum faced) - anyone know who it was? (3) Joe Sheerin actually lasting for 85 minutes without looking like he was going to die of exhaustion. One day he may even complete 90 and not need lying down in a dark room afterwards.

Anything else? Yeah, I don't think I've seen such a lack of enthusiasm for a Man Of The Match award as Anthony Howard's award today.

So, was it worth it? Yup

In a nutshell: They came, they saw, we conquered.

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19 September 2004

The Magic Of The CupTM continues, this time Dover 0 Sangatte 1.Who said romance was dead? This could have been a tricky one for us, them being a division above us, heavily in debt and wanting to teach us cockneys a lesson.

Things started off concernedly (?) before the game, when it transpired that we were only playing with one player up front. Doubtless this was a cynical attempt to get a moneyspinning replay at KM tactical manoever caused by our current injury problems. Still, the game started (with the two Palace loanees playing together, though not in that manner) and we actually looked quite solid. Trouble was, Dover's gameplan was quite obvious - they'd gone through all the teams we'd played, studied all the effective moves against us and then decided that they'd go for Southall. And so it came to pass that 10 minutes in, the first heavy tackle came in....

Come to think of it, it was surprising that it didn't manage to kick off so much. It was niggly, for sure. Actually, we were playing quite well, though our shooting wasn't much. So, I headed off to the tea bar. I think you can gather what happened - suffice to say, you'll have to ask the OS who scored. Anyway, we were 1-0 up and we deserved it. Couldn't exactly say I deserved the "ha ha" I got when I returned to my vantage point....

Second half? Well, as a spectacle it wasn't much. The ref (see below) assisted matters in this. Mind you, a lot of people were comparing it to the pre-seasons, I suppose it's not so much whupping their arses, it's more to the effectiveness of the play. I don't think Dover had one decent chance to speak of, whilst we could have actually had a couple. And whoever put it over the bar towards the end, hang your head in shame. And their goalie handled outside the area in the 90th minute. Still, it was fun, especially after the game when DA saw the massed Womble ranks outside the dressing room.....

Moving forward

Plus points: A win. Away. Clean sheet. Decent enough performance. Two CPFC loanees look good for this month. Hard fought. Snuffing out Dover.

Minus points: Shooting.

The referee's a......: Some quotes from the Womble faithful : "Total dickhead". "We'd been better wthout one". "Wanker". "He won't be happy until somebody goes off on a stretcher". And something on my trusty Olympus by somebody who clearly didn't like me interrogating them :) So, basically he missed practically everything, and if I'm being polite didn't quite have control of the game. If I'm being impolite I'd like to call him a complete shitlicking cuntflap who masturbates to "specialist" animal porn. His linos weren't much better, one prime example being when the lino flagged us for offside about 10 minutes late. Needless to say, he went off smiling at half time, until he got nearer then started to show signs of abject fear.

Them: Despite being from a shit part of Kent (what do you mean, all of Kent is shit?), no remote hint of Herne Bay unpleasantness. Without being Willy Large Gonads, they deserved to draw us, especially given their debt problems. Fair few of them turned up, about 5-600. Their team was up for it, running more determinedly than an illegal immigrant running for a Channel Tunnel train. Sometimes, their enthusiasm went a bit further than that. Oh, and their goalie went off injured, though it was unclear whether this was before or after he attempted to kick our player.

Song sung blue: And as though we'd been storing our creative juices up all this time, some top draw stuff. Try - "You're French and you know you are". "We can see you sneaking in". "Your mum's a Kosovan". I fully expect a couple of letters of disquiet to the New Statesman for those ones. Elsewhere, "Small town near Margate" or "Small town near Calais". "What time does your ferry leave?". At the end, "Three games till Franchise". There, if that doesn't motivate you, nothing will

Spotted: The non-playing players, including Matt E (wearing some nice sandals), Simon Bassey and Ginge. Nobody smoking.

Song sung blue - bonus edition: Deserves a category on its own. During the game, a rather serious sounding PA announcement said that somebody in the Dover end had lost their mobile. Bless. We started to chant "Pikeys stole your mobile" or something like that. Then, just imagine this bellowing out of the terraces.... "Can you hear the mobile ring, no, no. Can you hear the mobile ring, no, no. Can you hear the mobile ring? I can't hear a fucking thing....."

Point to ponder: The atmosphere yesterday was superb. The chants were fresh and sharp, the players responded (in fact, when DA stepped out onto the pitch, he looked round and mouthed something to the effect of "fuck me"), and I would say that went a long way to netting us the win. I wonder if the fact that this is an event, ie something to actually play for? You see, the problem with our CCL success, and if I'm being honest the R1 to a degree (along with half the other trophies we're in, FA Trophy probably an exception) was that we were practically a dead cert to win them. And it did get boring. This on the other hand was part of the real hope we could get a club-defining draw. Don't tell me it didn't show, and don't give me the old Hammam line that we must sacrifice all else for a league position. A decent cup draw could stamp this club on the map, and a level of exposure we'd only partly get in the Conference. Yesterday, people were happy.

And if you need further proof of this theory, when you watch the Ryder Cup look at how otherwise content professionals seem to go for the win.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The buzz around the place. Probably as good as the CCL final. (2) Dover players having "DAFC" on their shorts (backside areas). Female interest in DAFC kit increased by 220% for some reason. (3) The area around their ground was so hilly they use it to train professional mountaineers. (4) Distinct lack of seagulls, which surprised me. Maybe they've all headed over to Calais to visit relatives and pick up some cheap vin rouge.

Anything else? Yeah. Dover apparently play (or used to play) Calais once a year as a sort of friendly. Hoverspeed Cup I think it was. Can't find anything on Google about it though. Anyway, the question is, what do Calais fans sing to Dover fans? Apologies for awful French, but I can imagine "Notre vin est tres bon marche" (our wine is very cheap). "Nous avons moins Kosovanes que vous" (We've got less Kosovans than you). And a special namecheck to anyone who can translate this into French: "We go to Flunch, to have our lunch, we've got white wine on our breath. Your cheese don't smell, your beer is hell, and you all drive on the left"

ATTENTION: For anyone who doesn't know what Flunch is, clickez ici. And SW19 recommends the steak hauche.

So, was it worth it? Maybe.

In a nutshell: There'll be (yellow and) bluebirds over, the white cliffs of Dover....

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15 September 2004

Few things before I start. Firstly, don't forget the SW19 competition to win a 1988 FA Cup final DVD, click here. Secondly, I've decided to pull the poll section as quite simply I haven't had time/inclination to do it properly. And yes, I know the front page is horribly outdated. Thirdly, I've got a new article up which explains why there wasn't a Croydon report. Though from the two eyewitness accounts I got I didn't miss much.

The same could sadly not be said for AFCW Anus 2 Leatherhead Lip 2. This was a Sandhurst style how to throw away a perfectly good lead and nearly lose it. For the first 70 minutes, it was more or less as you were for most games. While Leatherhead were up for it, and after a pretty shite first half, on 70 minutes Jamie Taylor netted home from 1 yard out, following a corner and flick on. Normal service seemed to continue when a shot on the edge of the area by - who else? - Robert Ursell made it 2-0. Another easy win, you may think. Except Leatherhead didn't think so. Helped by our defence looking as vulnerable as Mark Hughes' days as Wales manager, and Matt E going off, we proceeded to let them get back into it. 2-1, and I thought that it would at least be an interesting finish.

Unfortunately, I was proved right. Suddenly, it became 2-2, and if I'm being honest we would have deserved to lose. I couldn't say that I would have been upset had we lost our unbeaten run. I do think that these sort of runs eventually get to the stage that it becomes a hinderance, and we are due a good thumping. What makes me think it'll be Dover on Saturday?

While you wait for that, here's....

Plus points: The first 70 minutes

Minus points: The last 20 minutes.

The referee's a......: Managed to miss some rather, ahem, hefty challenges on our players in the first half. The sarcastic cheers when he gave a free kick said it all.

Them: For the first time, a team came and made me doubt if we're quite as good as we like to think we are. They certainly didn't respect our reputation and they proved that we do live off that a fair bit. Quite a few of their fans turned up and made some noise, though the spirit of Chris Kelly lives on....

White noise: The away fans sung, but we seem to be as quiet as Peter Winkelmann on a coke charge. Presumably lethargy stretches off the field...

Point to ponder: A lot of people thought we were going to lose before the game last night.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Seeing a well known PISA boy getting birthday bumps. On the hardcore Athletics End, no less. (2) Corinthian Casuals selling tickets for their game against us in the back bar. Still, they seem nice enough people.

Anything else? Yup. £2.60 for a pint of Guinness. I could write a lot about the dangers of rising prices by stealth, especially in a vital area such as the bar, but I don't want to have tedious lectures about complex economic matters. So instead, I'll quote you Senator Shane Ross - "patriotism starts in our hearts and ends in our pockets"

So, was it worth it? Urm...

In a nutshell: The game lasts for 90 minutes.

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4 September 2004

After an absence of two years, I am morally and legally bound by the Official Guidelines of Sports Journalism, Section 2 Clause 21.9 : Cliches, Hackneyed Phraseology and Whimsical Flattery to state that the magic of the cup is well and truely upon us. And so, it came to pass that 1988 Winners 3 Didn't reach the first round in 1988 0 was the order of the day. The romance, the drama, the excitement of the cup - have I mentioned magic yet? - was there in full effect for our big day.... Oh fuck it, I can't keep sounding like a MOTD presenter much longer. It was a trouncing of sorts against a team that we had played a mere couple of weeks earlier. And we stuffed them then.

The game? Well, we went 1-0 up following a good cross into the box, for the much maligned Richard Butler who scored with either his head or his feet. There then followed some good impressions of Jonny Wilkinson with regards to shooting - obviously AFCW signed Sir Clive Woodward without anyone noticing. Second half, we deffo went up a gear, hitting the bar in the first 30 seconds of the restart, rounding and then missing the post before Ursell got a penalty. Serious handball, a la Terry Phelan vs Palace all them years ago (remember that?). Shame he only got a booking. Towards the end, it was Ursell again, running into the box, finding space, taking his time to place the shot, phone his mum, book his holidays to Cyprus and make a cup of tea, and made it 3-0. And our name was in the hat for the next round (ahem...)

Had enough? Me too. So...

Plus points: A win. In t'cup. Pretty one-sided. Clean sheet.

Minus points: Too much poncing about at times.

The referee's a....: Well, didn't make many notes on him so I suppose he was all right. Others may disagree.

Them: They must really hate us. Their goalie deserved MoM, with a couple of blinding stops at shots aimed point blank at him saves and despite JS bundling into him. Naughty boy. Bet they're pissed off with missing out on the Eurostar derby next round.

Weather with you: Christ, was it bloody hot or what? It felt like July rather than September. Didn't help that the hAE tea bar ran out of cold drinks midway through the second half.

Spotted: Sky Sports camera. Reported sighting of a Spurz shirt (probably explains the "We hate Tottenham" from the West Bank), two deffo sightings of QPR shirts. One Wycombe shirt with "Oxford United Are Shit" on the back. Charming. Oh, and some wayward AFC Wallingford fan turned up to see what a place that has constant electricity is like.

Point to ponder: The reaction of the crowd when the attendance was 2696 was a level of exhasperation (?) I don't think I've ever seen at a game for a while. At least not since Duncan Jupp's name was announced on the tannoy. I couldn't go in the hAE because it was too full and claustrophobic, and it did seem a little bit on the low side. Assuming the figure is right, could it be that the ground capacity is simply overstated at 4k?

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Phillo returning on the PA, so at least the tannoy will sound something a little bit more contemporary than the BBC Home Service (2) The amount of people coming up to programme sellers with £2.50 despite it still being £2. It looks like people will still buy it, though I wonder if in the long term it won't damage sales?

Franchise watch: Oh dear. Managed to draw 2-2 despite being 2-0 down. And they were away to Chesterfield. On a more pleasing note, looks like the WinkieDome is being delayed. And best of all, Asda don't seem to want to comment much...

Anything else? Yeah. It didn't half feel like a pre season friendly, what with the weather and all that.

So, was it worth it? What, and mess with the magic of the FA Cup? Oh, pur-lease

In a nutshell: Que sera sera, whatever will be will be, we're going to, er, Cardiff....

And finally: Right, I'm not going to be at Croydon next week or indeed the 1988 replay. I'm heading off abroad again, Dusseldorf to be precise. Plus MSV Duisburg (local derby with Rot-Weiss Essen, natually an SW19 article will be written) and if I've got time a brief trip into the Netherlands as well. So, I'm looking for reports on Croydon and/or the 1988 replay game. Usual address please. Just don't start complaining when people attack you for writing too much on the game....