25 March 2006

Humble apologies for this being 24 hours later than I hoped it would. I'll give my considered (?) opinions later in the week. For now, enjoy..

 

Well, REPD couldn't be bothered to attend the first half of Stones 1 Big Boulders 5 prior to witnessing Harlequins stuffing by Leeds in the Northern oval ball game, so it is left to a drunken stand-in with no notes to try and inform the SW19 readership of Saturday's events.

Heading to the "quaint" stretch of North London commuter belt that houses Northwood FC's ground, a spread of allotments and a nicely appointed cemetery (we could have been in Croydon Athletic's ground given the view) the talk was of how we would screw up against lower table opposition as always happens after some promising results.

Surprisingly we were wrong. Very wrong. Off the scale wrong. This was an arse-whipping of such major proportions that frankly the 5-1 scoreline flattered Wealdstone - they would have been hard-pressed to
complain if we had racked up double figures.

So what went right? New boy Barney sure knows where the goal is and would have finished ahead of any member of England's Commonwealth sprint squad in a foot race; Smeltz took the piss and looked like an international playing with boys; the midfield battled and supplied the front pair with copious good balls; the defence was solid and Andy Little is a goalkeeper who inspires confidence rather than panic.

In summary, the team is gelling at the right time and the strength in depth provided by our last 4 signings is awesome. All we need to do now is get into and win the play-offs to keep the squad together to have a chance of Conference South glory next year .... oh how we know something is going to go spectacularly wrong now !!!

On with the show ...

Plus points: A big win; finally that stuffing that we've threatened has been handed out. Paul Barnes' pace and finishing ability - although there was some ironic moaning that he only took 3 of his 6 chances ...

Minus points: A small element of the crowd.

The referee's an.......: anonymous soul. Which is just how I like them.

Them: Has to be said that the vast majority of Wealdstone supporters were friendly and the club put on a welcoming reception; shame that a small minority seemed rooted in maintaining their reputation from the 70's and 80's of being the non-league Millwall. It seems that the fairly minor skirmishes at the end of the game were as much the fault of one or two idiotic Dons fans, but how long do we need to put up with unsegregated away games and drinking on the terraces before people put two and two together and realise that is the catalyst for all the trouble that we have had on our travels? I won't go into this anymore on the basis that I didn't see much of this in person (despite REPD's well known like for some malicious gossip ;)), but rest assured we haven't heard the last of it. As for their team, Hendon's incompetence is probably the only thing between them and Ryman 1 next season.

Spotted: Lawrie "I only score important goals" Sanchez. Again. Can't keep away these days ... are we close to getting players called up for Northern Ireland or is DA in line for a coaching job? :)

Point to ponder: The much-maligned Dwayne Plummer's continued resurrection. He not only looked a happy part of the team, but was positively beaming when the "... he'll come and fix your taps" chant echoed around the ground as he came off to let Brennan get a chance to get some game time. Does cheering for players actually help more than criticising them every week? You decide.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Watching a burial no more than 60 yards behind the goal in the first half ... a Simon Bassey penalty (do you remember Coney Hall at GGL?) could have taken out several mourners. (2) Lee ("number 1 as long as I'm in charge" - Terry Eames) Carroll in goal for Wealdstone ... relying on 3 goal line clearances to keep the score down. His kicking hasn't got any better either.

Anything else? The crowd was fairly quiet but the performance was so good that it was more of a "bloody hell, that was a good move" appreciation type of day rather than a cheer the lads on event. Having Steve Butler on the bench and Les Battersby, Gelly and Lil' Butts to return from illness/injury certainly give the impression that this could be a more usual state of affairs than has been the case since New Year. The acid test will be if we can repeat this form at KM ... roll on H&R ...

So, was it worth it? Yes. It's always nice to know that REPD has missed a classic ;)

In a nutshell: Get in!

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22 March 2006

After watching Harrow 1 Eton 2, a bastardised quote from Alex Ferguson when he signed Andy Cole springs to mind : we've got the players to win it this year. If we don't, we've definitely got the players to win it next year.

In case you're wondering why I've used a misery guts comment, it's a reflection of the effect Les Battersby and Curley Watts have. Yesterday, when I read that we'd signed the two, I had a bit of a John Fashanu moment. No, we haven't started giving away dubious penalties against Sheff Utd, I'm referring to when he signed for us to make that extra push towards the top flight.

Last night, I saw a team who could do a Braintree next season. It had the feel of last season where we knew we could just go up a gear. Whether it's too late for this campaign or not I don't know : we certainly aren't going to catch Braintree, unless they collapse quicker than India's cricketers. The teams above us - on paper anyway - have the games and points advantage. Mind you, a couple do have to play us. And maybe each other.

So, am I saying that we aren't going to make it this season? Despite the fact that our new signings are giving the collective horn? More or less, yes. I won't believe we're in the playoffs until it's mathematically impossible to dislodge us. And the playoffs themselves, while exciting, are too much of a lottery to predict. One bad game, and it's back to Maldon Town next season (actually, Maldon isn't a bad ground, but you get the idea). And although I did say to somebody last night that if we were in the playoffs, we'd win, I didn't entirely mean it :)

Of course, the real other reason I'm writing us off this year is so that I don't tempt the football gods. I don't think we've ever been in a playoff situation ever, be it as WFC or AFCW. Whether that would work in our favour or not, only time will tell. But one thing I will say - if Wealdstone beat us on Saturday, all this talk and optimism will be a waste of time.

As for last night, ignore the scoreline. It wasn't even a close contest. Had Wes Daly's shooting not been as effective as Birmingham City's defence, had SS been just a little bit more selfish, it would have been about 4-0. The fact that we let a goal in straight after our second still shows the Best Defence In The League™ has a lot to learn. I don't know how we're going to sort out the concentration aspect : perhaps lock our defence in with a randy homosexual prisoner in a Turkish jail? That will sharpen their reflexes up no end.

Needless to say, the new signings get all the attention right now. When RB comes back, he may find it difficult to get back in. Funny what a month can make - when he got injured, some of our less stable fans had to be coaxed down from high buildings. Now? Let's just say that SS and Les fit together like a married couple. Hopefully without the one-shag-a-year-on-your-birthday thing. Once Les gets fully fit, this partnership could do things. And with Barnesy on the bench, who knows?

Anyway, it's a win, and even I can't be miserable at such a thing. Well, maybe... ;)

Plus points: A win. Away. The new guys. Pissing all over them. Looking hungry for the playoffs. Ability to go up a gear.

Minus points: The 71st minute. Wes Daly's "tackling".

The referee's a.....: Did he do anything wrong?

Them: Cheap and nice tasting Guinness, filthy looking minxes as barmaids, quite cosy as well. I ought to come here more often. Last time I saw a function room like they had, it was at Altenburg airport near Leipzig. As for their team, considering they'd lost only one game in six, they really weren't much at all. They knew they'd got lucky with their goal. And their goalie didn't half look like Garth Crooks..

Point to ponder: Would we have lost these sort of games a couple of months ago? I remember when we kind of struggled in a PSF against HB, so anyone still convinced that we've gone backwards should be suitably ignored.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The police CCTV camera outside the ground. Over-reaction or just a cheap way of filming the game for the end of season DVD? (2) Attendance figure 611. For some reason, when I read that my chin started to itch a lot. Strange, that. (3) Seeing Mr T Walgaar at a ground for the first time in two years. Let's hope he's learnt his lesson..

Anything else? Not really. Just to comment again that we do look like we're getting it right at the business end of the season. One thing is sure, get the valium in, your nerves will be fully tested for the next six weeks.

So, was it worth it: Possibly. Be more worth it if we go up.

In a nutshell: Can I make a joke about shooting an Harrow?

---

19 March 2006

(Before I start - yes, there wasn't a Guildford report. Shoot me)

Of course, we knew all along, didn't we? Starlings 1 Swifts 0, and the push for the playoffs is back on. This was an absolutely massive game, and we massived (?) it well. If last week was the pus-filled zit, this was the squeezing and TCP application.

It wasn't the best of games TBH. Swifts should really have gone ahead after a minute, but they fucked up. You just couldn't help thinking that it was going to be another humiliation at KM by that stage. If you were writing our playoff chances off, join the club. I was having visions of "Anderson out" cries by more than a few, season tickets being thrown on the pitch, that kind of thing.

We got back into it quite a bit though, and it seemed inevitable that somehow we'd score. And when the increasingly-not-maligned Dwayne Plummer netted, all seemed well. Mind you, am I the only one who thought he was going to miss?

That said, we still look a bit out of confidence at home (Swifts had two goal-line clearances). At times, you really did think that once another ball was given away in midfield, and they went on a sprint that this would be it. Another two points thrown away. Or maybe three, given our ability to take a golden lead and flush it down the bog.

Mind you, we could have got a couple more ourselves. The move that sticks in my mind is just after the restart, when Barnes ran onto a ball that he shouldn't really have reached. He crossed it for RU who just, just, just went wide with it. Had it gone in, the eulogies would be far warmer. Then again, knowing us, had it gone in we would have sat back, relaxed and drawn 2-2.

Incidentally, speaking of Barnes - he is by far the quickest player I've seen at AFCW. Quick to the point that he forces corners where there shouldn't be corners. Seems quite skillful as well, and he does appear to like it here. What concerns me is if he gets injured and loses his pace as a result. Look at Jon Goodman...

So, we won, and what now? Well, there's no point in saying that the next two games are must-winners. They all are now. The jury is still out on games against run-of-the-mill teams, especially at home (no disrespect like, you know what I mean). ETU and Harrow (both games) are more likely to decide our playoff hopes than Rickay and H&R.

That said, looking at the league table, you just know that we're going to lose out to W&H. The thought of their Easy-chanting, Franchise loving Walton-till-full-time support lording it over us should cause even the most placid of us to commit ABH. Mind you, if Chelski are on at the same time as our game down there, there won't be any need for segregation.

Anyway, we've still to face Harrow and Wealdstone, and I don't mean the tube station, so by this time next week we could be planning our trips to Chelmsford again. Be warned.

Plus points: A win. At KM. Clean sheet. Massive debuts for Barnes and Garrard. SB looking solid at the back - John Scales revisited?

Minus points: Couldn't keep the ball for longer than 5 seconds at times. Defence still shits me up. Wes Daly.

The referee's a.......: As you know, six people were recently taken ill with very nasty side effects following a medical trial. While such accidents are extremely rare, the official had suffered himself with such a trial. Side effects included disorientation, cognitive nurone failure and early signs of chronic mental retardation. One assumes he found his way back to Kingston hospital after the game, hopefully he wasn't unaided.

Them: Well, let's face it - they ain't exactly Braintree. In fact, despite having more confidence in certain times of the game, I thought we more than matched them. Which does make their coach's (alleged) claims that we were shit even more Man City-esque*. Does seem to be a theme ATM - play a moneybags side, beat them then hear that really, we're not very good. Margate springs to mind. Must depress them that we're only average spenders yet beat them. And unlike Heybridge, I think we can improve, and at the right time of the season as well. Oh, and they're the only side we haven't needed to segregate since segregation was bought in. QED.

* - Man City fans are sometimes called Berties, ie Bertie McGoo = Bitter Blue. In other words, more concerned with rival teams doing badly than their own side. Excessively so.

Spotted: John Terry and Lawrie "I only score important goals" Sanchez. Seems like Terry was with Barney, with luck a few ears may be bent for a nice little PSF with Abramovic's security blanket. As for Sanch, he really can't park....

Point to ponder: I mentioned Dwayne Plummer's resurrection in recent weeks above. I wonder if this has anything to do with a certain Mr M Harvey leaving? Reports that the copper slapper had a major half time barney with DA a couple of weeks before he left seem to tie up with recent improvements all round. Chelmsford last week notwithstanding.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) When was the last time that neither sides were able to pass the ball for long periods? And remember, these are two playoff contenders... (2) Those naughty West Bank types hiding the ball after it went in there during the second half. Shame the referee decided to add on time for it. (3) Nice to see the two new guys leaving the pitch last of all, taking (and giving) applause to our own fans.

Anything else? Yeah. It does seem our crowd took the general miserable malase at KM and did something about it yesterday. Practically non-stop singing, mostly pro-AFCW and very few anti-Chelski songs as well. I stood in Moaning Cunt Alley, aka the JS stand and even that was quite positive. I've heard that DA doesn't get so animated in the second half, that he just sits there. He didn't yesterday, and neither did Bassey. In short, everyone raised their game. And that's why we won our first game since Boxing Day.

If there's one thing I hope we've learnt, even if we don't get into the playoffs, it's this. Thinking and acting like we're totally shit when we're not fucks our chances up. I can understand recent attitudes if we were heading for R1. I can't understand it when we're in the playoff hunt. While there are some people not going to KM because of the standard, there are others who aren't going because they're pissed off with the unwarranted negativity. One is harder to get back than the other.

Yesterday, you could sense the relief - not just for on-pitch matters but off-pitch ones as well. As said earlier, we're starting to come good at the right time, and I for one don't want to fuck this opportunity up. Or put another way, I'd rather be in AFCW's shoes than Heybridge's for the next few weeks.

So, was it worth it? Yes, apart from knowing I'll have to change my front page now.

In a nutshell: Swift retribution.

---

12 March 2006

And as soon as night follows day, as soon as light follows dark and as soon as a peerage follows a secret donation to the Labour party, we get "treated" to Merlot 0 Clarets 1. This sucked. Actually, it more than sucked. More or less the same sets of players that played against Fisher, Braintree and Margate and we put in a performance that even a SSL level side would be embarrased about.

The most annoying thing about this was that a mere few days earlier things felt a helluva lot different. Have we really become a bunch of invalids in such a short space of time? I don't think we mustered one shot on target and the way we were outplayed at times frightens the shit out of me.

I think we're all agreed that there is something wrong when it comes to KM games. The big problem is, we're not quite sure what that "something" is. What is obvious is that there isn't the element of fun at KM that you get at away games. Everyone is a little bit too tense, everyone's a bit too serious. In short, everyone expects blood and feels mortally wounded when they don't get it. We seem as uptight as your average Independent reader.

And I do think it does affect on-field matters. I can't help noticing that our best performances have been away this season, especially ones where people are relaxed, having a good time, that kind of thing. Despite of - or even because of - the Margate weather, our trip down to the Kent coast was one of the better feelings I've had at a game for some time. At KM, the negative energy seems directed at our players. It's as though they're scared to perform in case they get it wrong. Yesterday, you could sense the straightjackets being put on again.

Away teams seem to know this. It's a non Willy Enlarged Scrotum attitude fact that teams do raise their games against us, and for that we should feel honoured. However, as we ourselves should know, whenever you play a "big" club and their fans are not fully behind them, it makes life ten times easier. Don't believe me? Remember such games against Spurz and Man Shitty at their places?

I suppose style of play is going to get a mention here. Yes, when people aren't inspired by on the field stuff they don't feel inspired elsewhere. Unfortuately, it's a very crippling Catch 22. Are we playing badly because we're being pressured to play well? Or is it because we're playing badly that we're pressuring them to do well? It's probably a bit of both, but as said elsewhere, amazing how much better we play when the expectancy is off. And I've seen how well we can play with my own eyes this season...

It appears the bottom line at KM is expectancy. It's the oft-mentioned comedown from the high speed ride of the last couple of years. We can safely say that our fanbase hasn't quite adapted fully to "normality" in a football sense. We tried to re-adjust in the CCL/R1, and as soon as we started to get the hang of it, we found ourselves in the RP. It really seems hard to accept that we can play poorly at home. It does happen of course, let me quote you something from a fanzine:

"While playing games away from [our home ground] has always been fun, this season it's been the only pleasure".

So, where was this from? WUP? This website? A post on Big Tissue? Nope, it was from an Arsenil fanzine in the pre-Wenger era. It's quite common in football matches, which is why I won't join in the mass suicide pacts that follow every single fucking poor performance. I could mention that we're still in the playoff hunt, and we're nowhere near going down, but TBH it's boring for me to write it again. God knows how boring it is for you to read it.

So what to do? Fuck knows. Perhaps it will take another season or two in the RP to slap us about a bit? A couple more years to shave off the worst excessives of our intensity with this club? Perhaps it might not be a bad idea if crowds dropped - and wouldn't that cause strokes in the AFCW boardroom? Not to mention serious questions about our collective loyalty. Of course, when we beat Heybridge 3-0 next week, the playoffs will be a mere formality again.

And no, I refuse to mention any more about the game or the Barclays loan saga....

---

8 March 2006

If we get into the playoffs, if we pull out a stonking 3-2 victory against Fi$her and book our place in the CS, we can look at Margate 0 Benidorm 1 and at what could be our turning point of the season.

In a season which has seen plenty of reverses back to the old Wimbledon (Braintree at KM, fucking up the next game etc), this was yet another one. Remember the tricky ties we used to get through in ye good olde days? We weren't that special in the first half, but in the second I think you could say it was a tad of an arse whipping.

Some neutrals and people trying to be objective will try and convince you that really, the game should have been a draw. Bollocks. Even without RB, we got behind them enough times to have doubled the lead, and it was only their goalie who denied the tap fixer and SS (I think). Some Margate fans will go one step further and claim that we weren't really that good and slag us off. Ignore them, they're only pissed off because their first team went out of the Champions League...

So how come we've become quite good all of a sudden? I think it's something I wrote last month about players stepping up to the plate. Dwayne Plummer is starting to do that, but the whole team has been lifted. Whether it's because RB's injured and they know they have to do it themselves I don't know, but I ain't complaining. While we'll probably lose on Saturday now, we are just starting to hit form at the right time.

I'm going to try and write a report in the usual style, but there was a slight problem. Basically, the weather was a bit on the nippy side and made writing nigh on impossible. I'm not kidding, the rain was horizontal and I've never seen people go for a piss simply to get warm from urinal steam..

Plus points: We won. Clean sheet. Banana skin avoided. Dwayne Plummer's goal.

Minus points: Weather. Shite journey

The referee's a.......: Thought he gave far too many free kicks for them. Got called a "sadist" by more than a couple of Wombles, but that was because he was playing too much injury time for our body temperatures.

Them: Nice to see that they were so determined to stage our game at their place, they didn't worry about little things like building the stadium. Seriously, they had two sides built and the other two sides were presumably in the planning stages. Dressing rooms as portacabins, that kind of thing. Didn't meet many Margate fans due to the segregation in order, though if their messageboards are anything to go by, it's just as well. Had a drum and an airhorn in operation, though presumably that was to keep warm.

Daaaaaaahhhhnnnn to Margit: If you want a good reason why people go abroad for their holidays, just look at Margate sea front. Basically, it's grubby 60s style amusement arcades, bingo populated by night shift cleaners, couple of chippies (some closed) and an air of grim decay. Margate's "Dreamland" complex has to be the most misnamed product since Reg Davis' Smart car. Some pikey looking locals as well, one of them threw an object at the kebab shop I was in. I know there's a romantic view of British seaside resorts in some quarters, but you now have to be seriously hard up to go to them. Were these places really the highlight of the working man's year.....?

Point to ponder: Are we better away from home at relatively low key games? I know playing at KM these days always seems to put us a man down before we start. But last night, we had a few hundred and the players seemed less frightened to fuck up. I think the time has come to re-evaluate KM, and put down the safety certificate as being 900.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The weather. No further comment necessary. (2) Not being able to use the bar, which did cause one or two Wombles to come close to a nervous breakdown. (3) Friendly stewards, well aware of the problems involving Ramsgate. Probably the least potential for trouble last night at a "big" away game (ie not your Cobham type games) for some time. (4) Dunno what our turnout was, but I'm not too sure whether it was disappointing or a miracle. Suppose we'll get slagged off for it not being 2000 though.

Anything else? Yup, DA's high fiving of seemingly the entire turnout afterwards. It says something that I can't explain at the moment.

So, was it worth it? Of course.

In a nutshell: Expect normal service to resume Saturday.