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NEWS
30 April 2005
Ah well, that's that then. Upcoming is a period of emptyness, of long drawn-out summer days. Silence, wearyness and the inevitable conclusion of deathly solitude. Purgatory is most definitely upon us
I am of course referring to Chelski's Premiershit win, and anyone who lives in South West London and their satellite towns are in for a rough few months. Ignore the fact that they bought the title like you would buy a tin of biccies. Ignore the fact that their victory will be less respected, remembered and celebrated than even Blackburn's was. Right now, the amount of muggings, stabbings in pubs, rapes, racial assaults, drug dealing and out and out illegal activity in these parts has skyrocketed. Make no mistake, not only is their victory damaging to our sensibilities but guaranteed to put our tax up to pay for the extra police needed when their fans have a couple of shandies.
The sooner Abramovich gets his Siberian jail-saving UK citizenship, and the sooner Chelski go back to mid-table obscurity, and the sooner their fans fuck off back to their bedrooms to wank over their pictures of Peter Osgood and Adolf Hitler the better. And I haven't even started on old SW19 favourite Graham Rix (nope, still have never forgotten his Gary Glitterness) or Clive "plucking the chicken" Walker....
Oh, and if anyone sees ex-Watford and now Chelski tosser Tim Lovejoy of Sucker AM tonight, or indeed any time in the future, please push him in front of an oncoming vehicle. On second thoughts, his death will ensure that Sky will show wall-to-wall Sucker AM as a tribute to his distinct lack of talent, so just kick his bollocks if you can find them. Thank you.
Anyway, as for BHT 1 BHS 3, it had an almost eery feeling of pre-season friendly about it. A very warm day (haven't felt so hot at a game since Harrow Boro PSF last year), not helped by my ill-advised wearing of my leather jacket. And yes, I did take it off. Eventually. Quiet enough game and quite a few fringe players on the pitch as well.
So, what happened in the game? Well, not a great deal actually. There was the first real effort on 28 minutes, their goalie saved well. Then we scored on 36 minutes. Couldn't see a fucking thing, but the OS kindly states "Another charge down the right flank saw Howard in acres of space to drive an accurate shot across keeper Sullivan into the net." Couldn't have written it better myself.
Second half? Well, I suppose not much more really. Randall scored on 50 minutes, netting after we'd hit the bar. Come to think of it, we hit the bar a lot. And I don't just mean off the pitch either. They got it back to 2-1 with an excellent, superb, magnificent goal. Shame nobody was watching (including our defence). Despite feelings that we could conceed a second, we made it 3-1 with Gavin Bolger. Everyone celebrated, and I mean, everyone. Cue all the subs, the coaching staff, Dennis the kitman and DA himself running to the corner to join in. Surrealism rules, but then it was that kind of day. Then again, it's been that kind of season.
And I won't mention the well known AFCW fan who said "let's have a goal" before we scored.
So...
Plus points: Ah hell, a nice win. Good performance by a reasonably understrength side. Didn't need to play hard but still a bit lively.
Minus points: Bloody warm. And conceding.
Them: Very hospitable, appeared very organised, deserved their record crowd of 2005 and their financial problems earlier this season must surely have helped matters. Even little things like directions to the (full) car park from the A2300 didn't go un-noticed. Horrible kit. Appear to wilt just a little bit in the heat when they went 2-0 down. Little bit of a pikey area though, couple of people worried about their wheels. Unconfirmed reports of some local scallies trying to lob eggs at the open top buses. Needless to say, they missed..
Song
sung blue: Only people bothering to sing today - apart from BHT's
bank manager - were the little group of BHT fans in the stand, all
nine of them. Armed with their voices and a sort of drum, they sung
pretty much pissed enthusiastically for much of the 90 minutes.
Cue such ditties as "Are you Kingston in disguise?", "We're
going to win 3-2", "We're going to win 4-3" when realism
set in. Oh and "What's it like to hear a crowd?". Dunno.
What's it like to see one?
Quote of the day: More accurately, quote of the entire season. A certain SW19 reader saying "Come on ref, blow up for full time". All very well and good, except this was at 3.06pm.
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) BHT win the award for best PA announcement ever, which went something like: "Security announcement : if you want a beer at half time, make sure you hold on to your glasses as we are running low". You never quite got that at SP... (2) What the hell was that "Uber Dons" banner about? Looked like something from a German regional division team. (3) Who were those three gentlemen openly rocking one of the portaloos during the second half? That sort of stuff was so 1980s. (4) Sight of steward drinking beer whilst in uniform. It really was that kind of day.
Anything else? Yes, the people who walked from KM to Burgess Hill completed their 45 miles trek. Many will applaud them for their endeavour. Me, I just think they're too tight to take the train....
So, was it worth it? Game? No. Occasion? Yes. Sight of topless 40something drunk male AFCW fans with less than flattering physiques doing congas? Pass.
In a nutshell: Right, let's sort out W&H on Tuesday....
24 April 2005
It feels like ages since I last did an SW19 writeup. It's certainly been a month since I've been able to see a full 90 minutes. At least I won't suffer so much of a close-season comedown as some of our fans :) Anyway, apologies for the relative brevity of this report, I promise to make Burgess Hill next week a bit of a better one. Assuming I go that is..
There's not
really much I can say about Play at Ks Ground 3 Play at Bromley's
Ground 0. We did what we needed, basically. As soon as Rob
Ursell was doing his impression of an olympic diver upended
in the box on seven minutes, and Ryan Gray slotted home, that really
was that. We had the most possession, seemed to be on top most of
the time and we even hit the post before some good work by Rob Ursell
again gave Shane Smeltz the chance to put us 2-0 ahead. Which he did.
The hAE was full of noise. Well, everyone was chatting amongst themselves anyway. Inbetween discussing the merits of teeline shorthand vs Pitman shorthand (SW19's notetaking is now being written in teeline, for the record) and whether Mayo is worth going to - doesn't really seem to be - we scored again. RB came on, had a sort of 1-on-1 with the goalie, shot and it bounced over him into the net. The excitement was all too much for me, and I went home soon after. Read the NLP's Sussex League roundup and say how good it is, it'll make me feel better :)
As for the rest of it...
Plus points: Win. Nobody played that badly. Didn't concede a goal
Minus points: We won't be back at KM until July at least.
The referee's a......: Nobody seem to say anything adverse about him. I'm sure one person even said how good he was. Things really must have been placid yesterday.
Them: Not really too sure what to make of them TBH. How the hell they ended our unbeaten record I will never fathom. They were all right but not much more. Certainly weren't able to keep the ball on the pitch on occasions. They are in the playoffs though, and now I've questioned their ability I expect them to stuff Horsham 3-0 in the playoff final. Oh, and they looked like Dundee United.
Point to ponder: I dunno what it was, and others will disagree on this - they usually do ;) - but I couldn't help feeling a bit of flatness that you shouldn't get at the last home game of a Championship season. I covered Barnet v Carlisle last Tuesday and the atmosphere and emotion was electric, something I haven't seen at any AFCW game. They were in the same boat insofar as they didn't need to win. Think that's the difference - Barnet are in league football again, and were subsequently motivitated, while we're still playing teams whose total attendances don't reach one game at KM.
OK, the bar did well - the amount of people in there when I left at 4.25pm was a bit on the staggering side - and there was a disco as well. Though why people still call them "discos" I dunno, the phrase reminds me of middle school parties and wedding receptions held in WMCs in Coventry. But there didn't seem to be the obvious jubilation of last year. Are we blase? Even a tad bored, collectively? Are we just simply waiting for that competitive big game that means as much to the opposition as it does to us?
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Richard Butler winning the POTY for WISA, WUP Young player, JD and Players Player as well. An impressive feat I'm sure you'll agree. Even more impressive when you consider he was called the much maligned RB earlier on this season with good reason. The campaign to call Danny Naisbitt the oft-criticised DN starts here. (2) Heard stories of a little, ahem, discussion between two Wombles in advanced stages of alcoholic beverage consumption last night. Appears that one was led away in handcuffs, and not by a passing dominatrix either. All further accounts on this incident welcomed. Anonyiminity guaranteed unless it's somebody I don't know :)
Franchise watch: Yes, we know what happened yesterday, don't worry. This is actually a bit of advice. If you're considering going to Peterborough or Colchester, one word of advice: don't. Openly talking about it is the surefire way of guaranteeing that Franchise will pull it off. The way that Franchise seem to get out of trouble is more than just sheer luck or coincidence. Even a postal vote for the Labour party doesn't smell quite as much...
Anything else? Yes, nice to see the U-18s getting onto the pitch. Maybe there'll be a rebirth of the famous Wimbledon youth policy? On a related subject - were there any pitch invasions?
So, was it worth it? Guess so.
In a nutshell: Have we really only got two games left?
10 April 2005
[note: to save seriously reducing webspace, bandwidth and the fact that nobody seems to like them, I'm trialling not putting many pics up on here, certainly not big ones. Let me know if you feel strongly about this]
RYMAN LEAGUE DIVISION ONE CHAMPIONS 2004/05
Now, doesn't that read nicely? In fact, while it's probably gone by now, there's a rather nice thing on the BBC website that proclaims us, in big fonts, as earning our second championship in a row.
Most of what I said after Dorking about us winning promotion still stands, and isn't worth repeating. Actually, yes it is:
"We will be playing Ryman Premier football next season. Looks good, doesn't it? Finally, we will get mentioned on Sky Sports Soccer Saturday. Finally, we'll be displayed on Sky Sports News and on their live scores service on the Internet. It seems right that we're going to be playing in a division that more people have heard of. It's now time we can justifiably get out the maps for next season. Where is Heybridge? What's the parking like at Wealdstone? How far is it to walk to Leyton FC from Leyton tube station? "
In all seriousness, I am really going to get a kick out of the first game of next season with the Sky Sports News streaming news type thingy displaying our name on it every Saturday. In fact, I'm going to set the SW19 DVD recorder just to hear Jeff Stelling announce our name and result. This may sound sad, but I don't think it is. Probably the thing I've missed from WFC days is recognition. Not in a sort of "fans united" way - getting props from people like the FSF is nice but not exactly earth shattering - but getting our name on regular media.
Be honest, since we went off the proverbial radar, how many sports pages of national newspapers have you bothered to read? How many times have you watched highlight shows of the Premiership or the Championship? In time, we'll be getting slightly more regular press. And never underestimate the power of seeing your team's name in lights - after all, your editor started supporting Wimbledon because he watched Grandstand, saw WFC's name on the results and thought "Hey, that's my local club"...
As for this year's championship, it hasn't been welcomed with the mass hysteria last year saw. It's obvious why everyone was so happy 12 months ago, but if anything winning this year was a far bigger achievement. It could have gone very wrong. Importing in DA was a big risk, but he's done his job and is probably our best manager of our brief history. Think about it - we have had almost a new squad, with the risks new signings entail - and yet still have lost only three times this season. OK, the football hasn't been the most pleasing to watch, but the means have justified the ends. One thing, if the CCL was the exception, the R1 is the rule...
Speaking of which, The Kids 1 Fascist Bully Boys 0 is a bit hard to write up in itself. Admittedly, missing the last 20 minutes didn't help me - read the NLP's Sussex League section today - but once we went in front after about four minutes it just seemed over as a contest. Don't know why.
It's easier just to mention what did happen. Shane Smeltz scored one, then the referee disallowed it for the most dubious offside decision since the infamous "second phase" goal that Wycombe scored against us (and no, I still haven't forgotten. Or forgiven). Shane Smeltz scored again, and amazing it did count. Though it did seem to happen in slow motion. Leon McD ran for everything, and got mostly everything. And could consider himself unlucky to not be on the scoresheet. The Met looked a bit more lively in the second half, but I don't really think that they were going to score. And you can fill in the rest of the details yourself :)
Oh, and Danny Naisbitt played. No further comment necessary.
So..
Plus points: Winning the Championship. Leon McD's bestest game in the whole wide world ever. Shane Smeltz scoring once. Shane Smeltz scoring again and this time having the goal counted.
Minus points: DN still scares me
The referee's a.....: Steven Cook. Now to be renamed Steven Cock. His performance at Sutton was apparently abysmal, his performance yesterday was definitely worse than that. He used to be so good at CCL level. But then, the CCL did make distinctively average performers look world class (no comment about Kevin Cooper). Suffice to say, Shane S' disallowed goal was given as offside, despite the Kiwi Womble passing to himself in the buildup.
Them: Insert all cop jokes. Let's see how many times Leon McD gets stopped and searched now. It was nice to see the away side come all coloured up, they even bought their own official team transport with them.
Womble reject: Yesterday saw Kevin Cooper return to AFCW. Can we finally lay the "Kevin Cooper should still be playing for AFCW" thing to rest now? Yesterday, he was anonymous - whether he felt uncomfortable playing at KM again is something only one person can answer - and indeed hasn't set the world alight in R1. Put it like this - if he was half as good as people think he was, he would have scored at least one against us. In short, he had his chance to stick it to us and didn't. And remember kids - he was the only player who felt the need for a contract even before DA saw him play....
Point to ponder: A lot of people don't rate Smeltz. Why? OK, he doesn't get stuck in, admittedly, but he does at least know where the goal is, as two of his three strikes yesterday proved. And as we've been told so many times, teams in R1 are more into kicking the man than the ball. To my mind, he's like Dean Holdsworth, you wonder why he's playing but his goals prove it to you. Remember that he is an international, and I don't subscribe to the logic some AFCW fans have that a player is automatically crap if they're not scoring 10 goals a game in R1.
Come to think of it, we might do all right next season up front. As it stands, we have the not-so-much-maligned Richard Butler. If his performance yesterday is a sign of things to come, then we'll be fighting off bids for Leon McD. And yes, Shane Smeltz will be a good asset if he's allowed to settle.
Truth
is stranger than fiction: (1) The sight of those yellow/blue
policemen helmets, as modelled to your left. Given out on the Walk
For Wimbledon II thing. My respectful nature prohibits me from making
any sort of comment whatsoever. (2) Speaking of WFW2, about 300 turned
up to do it. There is no truth in the rumour that 200 of them did
it because walking from Wimbledon to KM was quicker than the rail
replacement bus. (3) Dean Martin at half time. Why? I know that Tony
Christie is making a comeback, but still. Who next? Matt Monroe singing
"I'll walk with God"? (4) What was the tune that the Met
came out to? All I know is that the Clash covered it, when they weren't
ripping off paying homage to reggae music. Shame really it
wasn't that song by NWA.
Franchise watch: Haven't done one of these in ages, as their ability to draw games recently has put me off writing about it. Can't think why. Anyway, they lost 1-0 to Torquay yesterday and look in very lovely looking danger again. Their away support now has really increased. In fact, so big that Torquay gave over the away support section to, er, Gulls fans. Never mind. One thing - as funny as Franchise going down again would be, anyone else worry that they might do all right in League Two? The thought of Wankelmann, Scriven and that dumb bent bitch Dr syPhylis Starkey MP (what's she a doctor of anyway? Witchcraft?) larging it up after scraping a win past Leyton Orient next season isn't going to keep my dinner down..
Anything else? Yes. Call me a miserable bastard, but can we stop doing that Delia Smith drunken slobber thing please? It was mildly amusing when she first did it, and even then only because it was a "did she really just do that?" thing, but now it's quite tedious. The only people who can still find it justifiably funny are Ipswich fans. Other than that, it's the sort of thing that Tim Lovejoy and Soccer AM will fill their shite programme with for the next five years. And I'd rather wipe my arse and find blood on the toilet paper than listen to that....
So, was it worth it? Champions
In a nutshell: Champions
2 April 2005
Bloody typical. You hype a game up, you place expectancy upon expectancy, you make plans for the post-match Championship bash and what happens? Hersham Boys 4 West End Girls 0. And we were lucky to get nil.
Quite simply, this game was dog turd, mixed with rancid goat spunk, marinaded with llama phlegm. I don't think we had one shot on target. I don't even recall their goalkeeper having to do anything. He might as well have put his hands down his shorts and think of Sharon Davis instead.
So, what went wrong? Complacency? Possibly. The trouble is, we're a promoted side, and really we don't need to exhert ourselves any more. Half the players as we all know won't be starting in August, so really, why do they need a Championship medal? Or indeed, put in the necessary now? In many ways, it's after the Lord Mayor's Show.
Is it discipline? By all accounts, the players enjoyed a pissup on Monday evening. Which is fair enough I suppose. But you can't tell me that these sort of things don't affect players. In his autobiography, Roy Keane mentioned that they were given sandwiches two days before a game against Holland, and subsequently ran out of energy during the match. We can assume that hangovers were clearing on Wednesday at the earliest, meaning that they had just been match sharp by about 4pm today. Which is ironically the same time that we'd starting playing well.
Or is it something else entirely? I dunno. What pissed me off was the fact that over 2000 people turned up expecting something and we were let down. Unfortunately, at a club called Wimbledon, this tends to happen. Any FA/League cup semi final bar 1988 springs to mind. More recently, AFC Wallingford away in our first season was the last embarassing situation (and I'm not just referring to that press statement we put out after the Lee Bowyer/Kieron Dyer type discussion in the bar at half time).
Whatever, next week against the Met is quite vital. We'll probably see Kevin Cooper back, personally I hope he has a stinker, as I won't be able to take the caterwauling that he should still be an AFCW player if he nets a hat-trick. If we put even 10% more into the game than we did today (though that wouldn't be difficult) we should be too strong for the Pigs. Remember a couple of months ago I said that we were due to stuff somebody? Why do I get the feeling that we're due another one?
Still, shouldn't be too hard. These are the same players who got us promotion only on Monday, and they're allowed an off-day every so often. Perhaps it's lucky we are up, had we played like that needing the points I wouldn't be nearly so reserved in my vent spleening.
And no, I'm not writing what happened in the game. Download the highlights, tape over them with the latest Doctor Who and enjoy the recording again and again.
Anyway....
Plus points: Well, it does prove that we can win Championships outside Walton now.
Minus points: The period of play between 3pm and 4.50pm.
The referee's a.....: I can't even blame him for all our ills, though a lot of others are. OK, he did let a couple of injuries go, and he wasn't the best, but blaming him would be like farting during a minutes silence and pointing the finger at the guy next to you.
Them: Despite today, I want W&H to go up for two reasons. Firstly, we owe a lot of our history to them - Allen Batsford, Dave Donaldson, Billy Edwards and of course Harry - and it's quite ironic that we should have gone up into the bigger boys league there. Secondly, getting to their place is a helluva lot easier than getting to Horsham. They had quite a few there, some of them even turned up to last week's game against Newport. They did celebrate like they'd just won the World Cup though. Mind you, we would have celebrated had we managed to string more than three passes together.
Song sung blue: We got a "Are you Molesey in disguise?" from them today. I wouldn't think we were, somehow. They also sung "you've got no history". Neither have they. Well, actually, they have, but their history makers achieved it at Plough Lane.
Point to ponder: Or Conspiracy Theory Of The Year. We deliberately lost today because we want to win at KM so we get all the bar receipts to pay off the Ground Fund. Somehow, nobody is going to believe that...
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Last time we played there, we lost 5-0. Today, we lost 4-0. By my reckoning, we should get our first victory at Stompold Lane in 2009. (2) Apparently, a giant pizza turned up for the people in the programme hut... (3) Was that our worst ever loss in the league? (4) What was with those pirate hats that the boat people were wearing? Have our fans taken to nautical crime, preying on poor defensiveless people to fund their wanton avarice? That's Ken Livingstone's job. Incidentally, I believe it was followed by a police patrol boat....
Anything else? Yes, today we must think of the Pope and his frail nature. I am of course referring to Pope Richard 1 of Walthamstow diocese, who partook the holy water a bit too religiously*. As for Jana Pawla II himself, did you know he was a Fulham fan? Or at least he used to stand on the terraces at Craven Cottage during the 1930s (he was studying for a priesthood in Roehampton. A missed opportunity for us methinks). Perhaps some divine intervention on behalf of the Pontiff could fuck up Chelski's title hopes yet.
* - well, actually he appeared OK but I just had to put that in. Certainly more alive than most of our players. Then again, I think the real JP2 would have been more effective today
So, was it worth it? Actually, yes. Winning championships is over-rated. Buying a trophy cabinet is too pricy and it costs us a fortune in Brasso. Finishing second is the new first. We always like to brag about how AFCW is going to change things. Well, for once let's prove it. Next week, call for DA's head if we're not 5-0 down at half time....
In a nutshell: Still going up.
One more thing: Unless my work pattern changes, I won't be at the Sutton game. So if anyone wants to see their work in lights, please email me as per usual. Also, anyone who wants to write up the Tooting and Mitcham game as well, please let me know.