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NEWS
31 August 2002
And
after the debacle on Monday, along comes a nice consistant like performance
to warm thy cockles on a late, er, August afternoon. Yup, Celine Dion 3
Wintney Houston 1 was pretty comprehensible. Could have been about 6-1,
really should have been 4-1. Most professional performance of the season,
I reckon it's down to improved fitness. First half, it was the same sort of
stuff we have come to expect : lots of running, getting in there etc etc.
After having a goal disallowed (why?) we then received a penalty after what
appeared to be a HW player picking the ball up in the area. Shocking. So shocking
in fact that Coops decided to pass the ball back to their goalkeeper as recompense.
We kept going and indeed we scored. Who scored I still don't know, so you'll have to fill the blanks in yourself. 1-0 at HT, we came out again and performed much of the same sort of stuff. Due to years of excessive mental abuse due to heavy metal, hard core pornography and alcohol, I cannot remember what the second goal was like. The third goal I can remember though, it was a peach by Sim Johnston (hey, I remembered a player's name), took on two defenders and smacked it right into the goalies' top corner in Van Basten-like style (though on telly it probably looks more like Van Der Valke). And then really that was that, though of course we let in our obligatory goal in at the end. Overall, much happiness descended over the area.
Shall
we?
Plus points: We won. Again (fortress Kingsmeadow anyone?). Good defensive performance. New goalie looks good. Winning the ball a lot. Fitness looks far better.
Minus
points: Can we EVER keep a fucking clean sheet?
The referee's a ........ : Well, actually I didn't think he was that bad. Certainly compared to the ladyboy sucking twopenny whore on Monday anyway (and no, I still haven't forgotten. Or forgiven)
Slow: Joe Sheerin. Seen hobbling on Monday, reportedly though. I just think he's tortoise-like full stop.
Spotted: (1) A sign outside the Duke of Wellington pub on the way from Kingsmeadow to New Malden which proudly states "The Welly Welcomes New Dons". Don't remember quite the amount of affection at our last rented accomodation somehow. (2) David Barnard - quelle surprise - and Peter Miller. Who is still on the board at Franchise.......
Quote: "I'd like us to keep a clean sheet" - your humble and esteemed (if not particularly ESP friendly) editor just before the HW goal. I'd also like to wish Charles Koppel a healthy and prosperous life.
Them: Fair play to the HW mob, they turned up in numbers. Well, two coaches. Most vocal support seemed to be a foursome of teenage girls (calm down) who thought they were at a Steps* concert
* - the editor would like to point out that he does not know what sort of music teenage girls listen to and therefore the reference to Steps may offend people with some sort of taste in music
Song sung blue: Strangely quiet today for some reason. Maybe like West Ham we're better vocalising in the evening? Anyway, HW came out to "who are ya?", nice welcome. Champagne DID get an airing, I deffo heard it this time (twice as well). "We're Wimbledon FC" decided to update itself by the new lyric "we'll never be mastered by you Surrey bastards". Some young scamp who decided to act a bit lairy got treated to "Have you got a BMX?". Obviously not, judging by his silence afterwards. Finally, a good hearty rendition of "Sit down shut up" to the HW manager who got a bit too animated......
Point to ponder : Why DID Phillo play Hawaii 5-0 at the end?
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) New shirts actually look nice. (2) Did TE use not one, not two, but THREE subs? Amazing. (3) Losing 4 balls from the ground by 3.30pm, I gave up counting after that. It'll be the case soon that ball sponsorship will cost more than match sponsorship.
Blast from the past: As some of you may know, some of the old PL speakers are still being used. And it bought a nostalgic tear to the eye, especially the rather frayed earth-like feedback and the sound of the crowd clapping whenever a substitution took place
Franchise FC watch: Attendance at AFCW - 3476. Attendance at Franchise - 3223. This despite no real attempt at a boycott from Wolves. Nick Collins off Sky reckons no more than 250 gimps still there (5 in total in the main stand), though no doubt this will be fiddled so that 14000 people from Milton Keynes came down. Every single time now, Koppout gets humiliated. And best of all, there's fuck all he can do about it. I always say this, but it makes me feel better each time - Koppout thought we were going to crawl back to him with the lure of first division football. We haven't. He thought he would be able to waltz into Milton Keynes and get a heroic reception. He hasn't. I'm not too sure if they CAN go to the Hockey stadium up there despite planning permission being granted. An organisation that is now sending out the SAME season ticket offer to the SAME people who have constantly told him to politely go away is on its last throw of the dice. Don't let this slip, this will be OUR ultimate payback...
Anything else? Yeah, does anyone ever win anything on Golden Goal? Just wondering. Honest.
So, was it worth it? Suppose so
In a nutshell: Watch out, we're on the march
26 August 2002
Right, I wasn't actually going to report on Ash 3 Coldplay 2 but I feel compelled to say something. The referee molests farmyard animals in his spare time. The guy was a grade A, top draw spasmo. He was seen shaking the hands of the Ash players at half time. He sent off one of our players for a ball-to-hand incident, missed some pretty nasty challenges on our players and when he did finally send off one of their lot, he gave the resulting throw in to them. Jeezus
As for the game, it was us throwing it away basically. Going 2-0 up then throwing it away (again in the last 5 minutes) shows a distinct lack of fitness and dare I say tactical nous. Where were the fucking subs? The players were shagged out and boy did it show. Really, without Cooper we don't look anything like promotion contenders. Jeez
Anyway..
Plus points: Well, we did find the net a couple of times.
Minus points: Unable to run about for 90 mins. Defence shits me up. Throwing away a 2-0 lead and LOSING.
The referee's a ............. : See above
Mouthy: The Ash #5 who yelled "we've shut them up". And the guy who got sent off. And the other Ash players who clapped us sarcastically. Anyway, here's the SW19 Bountyhunter Challenge, starting today. The first person to nobble one of those on the blacklist will get £10 from me towards their legal fees. Serious. I don't care if it totally goes against our friendly approach, I don't want these mouthy cunts taking advantage of our good nature. I understand some people were waiting in the car park after the game....
Quote of the day: "We're the only club who needs a family swearing section" - somebody who should know better...
Anything else? Yeah, Ash is miles away from ANYWHERE.
So, was it worth it? The only good thing is that I've forgotten how events on the field can annoy me.
In a nutshell: Come the return fixture......
24 August 2002
Woo
hoo. Plough Lane 3 Squirrels Lane 2 was a game that had everything.
First half was pretty shocking. On the defensive for most of it, and your
humble and esteemed editor cursing anyone who wasn't #10 scoring in the 33rd
minute (Golden Goal, eh? Can't beat it), it was no real surprise when we went
1-0 down. I think my cup of tea showed more signs of life. A feeling of deja
vu was occuring yet again. Second half, it was Wimbledon FC circa 1984 or
so. We did have, as Wednesday, most of the possession. This time, we did get
our just deserts, but not before a subtle blend of good old fashioned fightback
and the more contemporary nuance of shite defending. Firstly, we got back
after some much needed pressure to make it 1-1 (no, I still don't know who
plays for us). Then came what can only be best described as the most shoddyest
piece of workmanship since Montague Koppel's contraceptive sheath split 35
years ago, when Cove went up the other end and scored about 10 seconds after
kick-off. Cue much swearing, nashing of teeth and at least one person yelling
"Get your cheque book out Stewart". Oh, all right, it was me.
None the less, that was the last attack that Cove had, and it was vintage Wimbledon style pressure from then on. Perhaps one of the best goals scored this season followed, again I forget who did it but we all went wild, bundled, hugged each other etc etc. That kind of thing. It was likely that the whole thing was petering out into a draw, until about 4 mins from time, when some more classic Wimbledon pressure gave us a nostalgic blast from the past : yup, a goal. Cue mass delerium, us going wild, bundled, hugging each other etc etc. In fact, I think this kind of male (and the occasional worried female) physical bonding shows the togetherness that has been sewn up through AFCW. Either that or we've got repressed sexual feelings for each other that need to be released, preferably at night in a layby. Ahem. Anyway, that was that. And I'm too drained yet again to expand on on-field proceedings. So....
Plus points: We won. Against a decent side. One of the best comebacks going. Knowing where the goal is. Terry Eames' reaction after the game. The players reaction after the game.
Minus points: Our defence is still shite.
Crowded house: Sadly, only 3330 turned up. I guess the problems on Wednesday put some people off.
The referee's a ........ : Again, nothing untowards. He did apparently send a Cove player off as well.
Quotes: "At least you've been finally put in a cage" - quite a few people to CUNW, who was turnstyling. Rumours that nice Mr Policeman was amongst them is totally unfair and incorrect.
Spotted: A rather quiet Yeovil Town fan in the main stand.........
All right guys, harmony now: As I think will be the norm this season, it was really up to us to do our own chants. And guess who got most praise? Brighton. "Seagulls" and "We love you Brighton" was given an airing, along with a "Still hate Crystal Palace clap your hands". Sorry, but why hate Palace? I don't share the antagonism, seriously. OK, some of their fans are pricks but then so are Derby's. Moving on, "We are going up" may be a bit premature but funny none the less. No Champagne Song though.
Every silver lining has a cloud: The evil scum down Grand Dive, aka Raynes Park Vile, are disturbingly sitting top of the CCL and staring down almost mockingly at us. This is a disgusting situation and I hope that when justice prevails, they will be begging for forgiveness. Honestly, some people really don't know their place..
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Guy getting done for selling unofficial merchandise. Blimey, we even have our own bootleggers now. No doubt like all such other instances, the unofficial stuff will be better quality than the over-priced official garb. (2) Did I see the first person getting slung out of an AFCW game after our second goal? (3) A fluffy dolphin found its way onto the pitch after its owner dropped it. Nothing untowards, except the dolphin has now been given a ban for the rest of the season for breaking ground regulations. (4) The rather, ahem, bizzare sight of a well known AFCW steward doing the Dambusters plane impression after our first. And we trust these people to get us out of an emergency situation
Franchise FC Watch: 3330 vs 2522, including about 600 gimps. Considering that BHA would be one of the biggest attendances that MKFC would expect, that is disasterous. Being beaten by a newly formed club no less than SIX divisions below them is the ultimate humiliation. There was talk of a funbus coming down from Bucks, though obviously they didn't trouble in the end. Anyway, here's a new game for you : pick what excuse Koppout is going to make for such a shite attendance. You may select from one of the following scenarios : it was raining, it was summer, the Test Match was on, the likely invasion of Iraq, Palace fans or a bank holiday weekend. Please note that telling the truth will regretfully get you disqualified.
Meanwhile, the next stage of the Good And Right vs Franchise FC is about to get a more sinister turn. A certain Franchise FC fan, who is Scottish and used to do away travel (and it is who you think it is) was shown a copy of Y&B and immediately snitched to MKFC about AFCW using the honours. To which Franchise replied "we know, and our solicitors are on the case". A mention of trying to bankrupt AFCW was also bandied about. Hmm, prepare for some nastyness, Rent Boy himself has made a passing comment over this. I am assured that AFCW have checked out using the honours, and it appears that no one entity can claim the history. Won't stop Koppout though, and IMO we need to try our damnest to make him look an even bigger cunt than before over this. Be prepared. And there is one Franchise FC fan who won't be welcomed anytime soon at AFCW...
Anything else? Yeah, what was that tune we came out to? Or rather, what was that distored analogue signal that we came out to?
Was it worth it? Hell, I enjoyed it.
In a nutshell: Watch Ash burn us
22 August 2002 [PM EDITION]
Hmm,
Mashed 1 Chips 2 wasn't exactly in the script, was it? A glorious return
to football, a carnival of fun, a cacophony of enjoyment, a ...... all right.
But for once, we were the party pooped. We did control the game for a great
deal of it. True, we went 1-0 down, but I still reckon our defence needs to
stop acting like one of Franchise's cardboard cutouts before we can justify
our big club tag. We did strike back, and Kevin Cooper (AFCW version) duly
obliged. Cue mass bundle, with me avoiding the pricks in front of me. Second
half, I swear we tired, though Saturday's exploits (both on the pitch and
allegedly in the curry house afterwards) took their toll.
The result didn't really matter, officially, though I think now is the time to get real over this. TE was apparently giving the players a major league testiclling afterwards, and once the novelty of this all begins to fade a bit, we may need some major attitude changes. All my opinion of course. For now, I'll stop doing my Roy Keane impression and instead.....
Plus points: Crowd. Excitement. Pulling back from a goal deficit.
Minus points: The defence. Fitness.
The referee's a ....... : I thought he did well, considering the niggles that were going on meself. One of the chief nigglers being.....
Cunt: Their #8, one Mike Berry. Goading little pile of horse mucus. Justly deserved his chants of "Number 8's a wanker". Should have got sent off, seemed to encourage the abuse and had the utter temerity to score their second goal and run over to us. Oh, if only we were allowed glass bottles in the ground......... I have no doubt BTW that he was whisked after the game in Koppout's limo, where Rent Boy seductively draped his pus-laden HIV positive cock over Berry's shit-filled rectal passage, before playing a game of "Yarpie Lawyers and Soweto Crack Whores". I will willingly pay £10 for somebody to end that little horsefucker's career in a violent and painful manner.
Chipstead: Bought a few hardy souls. Consistantly good side as well. Coincidentally, Chipstead play in green and white hoops, which are exactly like Glasgow Celtic's. There are also many other similarities between Chipstead and the Parkhead giants : they both play football, they both begin with "C", they both were likely to beat us yesterday, neither of them play at Selhurst Park, they.... (that's enough)
Quotes: (1) "It's got a nice golf course" - my dad, on Chipstead. Hmm. (2) "We've got too many fans" - Phillo over the PA (where the classical music intro was ruined by the horrible amount of analogue distortion). Hey, perhaps when Koppout has finished enjoying himself with Mike Berry, perhaps he'll stop and have a twinge of guilt about what could have been. No, I doubt it either. (3) "I haven't got a fucking seat" - our esteemed chairman, Mr K Stewart, on why he was slumming it with us ruffians on the terrace.
Speaking of our esteemed chairman, Mr K Stewart: I'm getting suspicious of his behaviour. Not only did he join us in the riff-raff section, but he was quoted in today's Wimbledon Post declaring "It now feels the baby is alive". When he starts wearing sheepskin coats, taking personal ownership of anything AFCW related and gets asked to look at alternative leagues for "big" non-league clubs, I suggest we all do to him what we should have done to the last Wimbledon owner who displayed such quirks
Question: Was there REALLY singing from the Main Stand last night? And was that singing from different parts of the ground almost like Highbury? I said almost......
Truth
is stranger than fiction: (1) The crowd outside the entrances 2 hours
before game start. The crowd outside the entrances 10 minutes after
game start. (2) Having 500 or so turned away will not only look good on paper
but will also facilitate extra work for the AFCW season ticket department.
(3) Having "Dambusters" playing after we scored. Is this 1996 or
what? (4) Seeing people who haven't been to a game since 1991 enjoying themselves
and getting all nostalgic. (5) Cheap(ish) Guinness. (6) Not having to worry
about going to a home game to protest, care more about what's happening off
the pitch than on it, etc, etc. You know the drill
Spotted: Terry Burton. David Barnard. Marcus Gayle. Roger Joseph. Jason Euell. Neal Ardley, the ginger-bearded ex-Palace chief steward. All of whom would have no doubt felt at home last night. Sharing a ground, goalkeeper can't kick to save his life, the Champagne Song making a welcome return, too much sideways passing, poor set pieces, people leaving early and a total inability to win a game in the evening. Who says that AFCW isn't the real Wimbledon?
Anything else? Yeah, the doors open at 12pm on Saturday, and the local coppers were praising about us.
So, was it worth it? Oh, all right, it was.
In a nutshell: The hard work starts here
So,
guess we'd best get down to the nitty gritty shall we? In our first competitive
game ever, it finished Army Training College 1 SW19's Army 2, we went
2-0 up in 90F+ temperatures. First goal ever by Kevin Cooper (AFCW version),
forget who scored our second but it was in a period where we bossed the game.
Actually, for much of the first half and a period in the beginning of the
second, we were doing lots of defending. Their goal BTW came after our goalie
(sorry, know hardly any players' names ATM) saved a shot, it rebounded off
the crossbar and their player followed up.
Second half, we did actually do quite well, and towards the end I thought
that we could have had at least a couple more. Sadly, it didn't happen, but
hey, we won.
All right, I wasn't taking THAT many notes about the game, you shouldn't be that surprised. I've never concentrated on writing what actually happens on the pitch before and I ain't going to start that boring shit now. But today, that didn't matter. Some of what I saw today was very non-league. Very non-league. I should expect that having spent most of my football watching in the professional game. However, I witnessed something that I haven't experienced for years, and a little thing that we'd all forgotten to an extent. We had fun. It was enjoyable. There was, how shall we say, less pressure. The players when they walked off loved it, in fact as I type this they're at a pub in deepest SW19 consuming vast quantities of ale. And I really think it shows. That "Blaydon Races" song, about all the lads and lasses with smiles upon wor faces could easily apply to us ATM. Seeing people I haven't met in ages, that kind of thing. Still having doubts about AFCW.......................?
Anyway..
Plus points: 100% unbeaten in the league this season. Good defensive performances. The spirit was in abundance. Knowing how to press forward. Sim Johnston marshalling in centre defence. Going up a gear after Sandhurst scored. Just being there
Minus points: Could have been about 30F cooler. Wobbled a bit between their goal and HT. Attack needs to learn where that big white inanimate object with a fishnet is.
Ugly points: One ballboy in his Sunderland-esque red/white striped shirt was being sponsored by something with the initials "CK"...
The referee's a........ : ..... OK, I don't know much about the standard of refereeing at this level, but he wasn't a goatfiddler like his pro counterparts. Let quite a bit go.
Causing trouble: Your humble and esteemed editor getting his first warning for swearing by a steward after 1 minute 34 seconds. This was followed at 4 mins 50 seconds by his second warning for swearing. I apologise, it was the heat.
Quotes: (1) "Stewarding you is a full time job" - above forementioned steward who does actually do a good job in trying conditions..... (2) "It's like a fete" - Mrs Dunford snr on seeing the newly-renamed Batsford Arms and surrounding group. No tombola though. (3) "It's like the Cup Final all over again" - Mrs Dunford snr, clearly on a nostalgia trip. (4) "He's got the Andy Clarke syndrome" - Mrs Dunford snr yet again, this time on our #10. Poor sod. (5) "Good old fashioned Wimbledon goal" - CUNW after our second. Somebody else getting nostalgic. Hmm, that kind of day I think.
One to watch: Our #2, who showed defensive skills and manoeuverability akin to John Scales. Shooting also akin to John Scales, though.
Sing Hosanna: This was a strange one, I don't think we really got going TBH today. We had some good uns - "Franchise are losing", "Are you watching Raynes Park Vale?", though sadly the Champagne Song seems to be buried, yet another sad victim of political correctness. Fuckers. Best chant of the day had to go to Sandhurst - " Oh Sandhurst Town is wonderful, oh Sandhurst Town is wonderful, it's got nothing but a burnt down Tescos, oh Sandhurst Town is wonderful". Should point out the nearest Tescos got burnt out a couple of weeks ago....
Point to ponder: This occured to me as we went 2-0 up. The sheer size of our support shitted the opposition up. Maybe all the times we pretended when we were the other club that size of support didn't matter were just us deluding ourselves? Especially as we are now probably one of the best supported clubs anywhere in non-league.
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) I'd never thought I'd go into the Batsford Arms ever again. (2) Breaking Sandhurst's attendance record AND the CCL record in our first ever game. (3) Seeing lots of cars down the A3 with AFCW garb on the windows. (4) The Sandhurst offside trap was utterly tedious. Typical small club, always trying to kick and scratch at us big clubs.
Question: What era is our kit based on? Mid 70s? Have to say, I just don't like that massive yellow stripe down the sides.
Franchise FC watch: Today, they played at Watford and lost 3-2. Funny in itself, but there were reportedly only 80 gimps willing to be prostituted by Koppout and a couple of cardboard cutouts as well. Perhaps the most pathetic bit of spin came from MKFC Prava, which made the proud boast that a "coachload" of MK residents made the journey. This is actually not something to boast about, as (a) the turnout was shit, and (b) one coachload at a very near ground to MK is even more indicative of the apathy up there as anything we've ever said. Really, how much longer can they keep it up?
Anything else? Yeah, nice one to Sandhurst who really milked the occasion. They made us all feel very welcome and deserved all praise.
So, was it worth it? When is seeing history in the making not worth it?
In a nutshell: Back.
The morning after the day before. As I sit here in SW19 Towers, I feel a strange sense even now of elation mixed heavily with deflation. Elation because this was without doubt THE best WISA protest ever done (nice one Si), deflation because I really felt that in a just world, we wouldn't have needed to do it. That and the fact that I really ought to stop drinking Guinness before it turns me into a grumpy old man...
Anyway, where shall I start? At the beginning, I suppose, and without the assistance of any note taking or camera...
Arriving there at 1115am or so (with about 2000 of those white leaflets you may have seen yesterday, bloody heavy there were as well), there was a smattering of people about. Overheard was "I'm really worried about the turnout". By the OWFF meeting at 12pm (which I left at about 1215pm, when they passed the two motions required, and I don't mean the ones you do in a WC either), some more people turned up. Then some more. Then some more again. Things were, as they probably say, building up nicely.
By 1250pm or so, I decided to wander up to where the players coach (the vehicle, not the employee) would be coming in. Aye, the Franchise decided that their precious players couldn't be trusted to come individually, so they bailed them out with a team coach. Wonder how much that cost then? Walking round, there were quite a few Gills fans, frankly as much as I would have liked to seen them boycott, they just aren't going to do it. And why should they? After all, it's not like anyone helped them when they were extremely close to going under.
I noted that some barriers had been erected by a van from Eve Construction. A company that used to be based at Plough Lane with now flattened HQ delivering crowd control barriers for a company that used to be based at Plough Lane with now flattened HQ. Truth is stranger than fiction. At 110pm a coach was seen pulling up to the increasing demonstrators (totally about 100 at this time), turned out it was Gills. Needless to say, everyone started chanting "Gillingham" to them. I guess they must have not known what to think. Hell, even now it's a situation I just can't quite get my head round. Cheering the opposition? Sorry, keep forgetting that these days, anyone who plays MKFC are our second favourite team. Even Palace.
(speaking of Palace, you know those aforementioned flyers? Well, I didn't know this until yesterday, but similar sort of leaflets are being sent out to Palace fans (I presume PISA members, and I don't mean the Stella-induced breakaway Womble faction either) which may explain at least one CPFC fan turning up yesterday).
Then, the big one. The MKFC team coach. Despite some attempts by the local coppers to keep us behind the hastily constructed barriers, some were on the other side of the pavement (those there will know what I mean), the team got treated to a rather passionate rendition of "SCUM". I really don't know what they made of it all TBH. I understand that they're all employees of the club, and I am fully aware why none of them will (publically) speak out, but how the fuck can they remain there? KC has gone (thank fuck), Neil Ardley is following TB around (guess he's still got the negatives of TB then) at Watford, I bet that David Connelly's taking his time whilst he's injured finding another club. What about the rest? More on that later.
Oh, and Steve Allen was caught smiling. Guess his private surgery is paying his mortgage....
After that, we basically had an hour to kill before the game started. I was first asked to man (sorry, I forgot - in AFCW speak this would be person) the turnstiles for any scragglers sheepishly entering the ground. After about 15 minutes or so, I would have had more joy at people spotting at the local Friends Of Charles Koppel society so I went for a bit of a wander. By then, I'd noticed the crowds outside the turnstile (on the pavement, natch) getting decidedly larger and larger. This was one helluva picket turnout, and it surpassed everyone's expectations. Including mine.
Some things I noticed inbetween this time and before the minutes silence. Every car - and I mean, every car going in - was being roundly booed and "scab"-ified. Now, a lot of these people were actually scouts for other clubs and were supportive of us. Everybody - and fuck, I mean everybody - going into the Holmesdale was getting the "scab" treatment. Even kids, which I thought maybe was going a little too far. Coincidentally, wasn't the idea yesterday to get people going in yesterday to get them to follow AFCW? Fat chance of that happening now. Interestingly enough, you may have seen that pic of those three gimps in 88 Cup final replica shirts looking like they were watching a porno between Bella Emberg and Russ Conway. Well, these aforementioned gimps were seen entering the ground, and decided to kiss their shirts as if to say "we're more loyal than you". Beaten wife syndrome, anyone? Hope they enjoy their pics in the papers. Cunts.
Also, I was doing my good deed for the day and did a bit of leaflet handing out, and I noted how generally supportive the Gills fans were. Guess hanging around the Clifton Arms works wonders. And spotted going in was one Mr S. Coppell - but that's another story..........
A few more scabs turned up, including a well-known caledonian travel co-ordinator who allegedly sneaked in through the barriers two minutes before the kick off. He won't watch non-league football, apparently. Get used to it. Then at 3'o clock, on the dot (time to cruise for 8th graders), the minute silence was signified by a blown whistle, and to my (pleasant) surprise, it was observed very well. So well in fact that as a coppers phone went off, he immediately turned it off.
The silence ended and the conga started. Well, actually, not everyone joined in. Instead, I decided to play the miserable git. This is when the whole situation hit me. During the minutes silence, I was fidgeting like fuck. By the end of it, I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. If you've ever seen a wasp sprayed with furniture polish act, that's basically how it was (seriously, next time you're doing pest control, spray your nearest flying thing with a little prick with some good old Mr Sheene and observe. It'll get your room smelling nice as well). Why did I feel like this? Well, in general I hate minute silences. I find them generally pointless and TBH over-used beyond belief. This one was different, it DID signify the end of of something that had swallowed my money and my time and my energy and all it did in return was expect me to swallow its muck. Everyone else felt jubilant, I just slumped down and pondered for a while. That fucking hurt, probably more than anything that has happened for a while bar the 5 minutes after hearing the Ryman told AFCW to fuck off. I hope anyone who saw me there will at least understand why.
Anyway, I bucked out of it (I guess seeing an Eircom shirt did it for me), and joined the rest of the (approx 2k) crowd. No conga though, I have some self respect. I even payed a fiver for one of the anti-franchise t-shirts (now lovingly stained with Guinness), and like everyone else made my merry way back to the "protest area", not before I harrassed a steward for asking him how many were in there.
By now, things were starting to get surreal. Firstly, we shut Sainsbury's, purely because of our numbers. Damn, I wanted some shopping. Secondly, we were frantically trying to find out the goings-on of what was occuring inside the ground. No, not the score, but the crowd. Rumours were flying about that only 500 Gills fans and 100 MKFC gimps were in the ground. Phone calls were made. Then came the ultimate of ultimate symbolic gestures. Up until then, it had been a bright sunny day. For the protest, conga etc, it had been pleasantly sunny. Even I got a bit sunburnt as per usual. By the time the game started, the heavens opened and everyone (bar one or two nutters) made for the canopy by Sainsburys. Actually, it was quite nice rain - all you people worried about getting wet obviously never heard of the times when I was in Belfast, or Drogheda, or Florida, or Washington DC. Weather was weather then, none of you would know what a rainstorm was if it hit you in your Dons Trust pac-a-mac. Ahem.
Thinking about it, if yesterday was your last time you would be in SE25, and you pissed off early to the pub or wherever, your last memory of SP would be an empty stadium in the pouring rain.
The waters subsided, and the bizzare practice of trying to find out how Gills were doing whilst not being in the ground took place. Doubly bizzare for me, because I could write a report at a game without mentioning the game itself with some legitimacy this time. Apparently. It was really strange with us listening out for whenever Gills attacking, because all those who have made noise for WFC in the past were now outside. And when Gills scored, fuck me, that was strange. We all cheered big time. Grown men weeping, complete strangers embracing each other, caps thrown in the air. Well, sort of.
Then came the big news - the attendance. Officially, and from the Enron school of accountancy needless to say, the amount of people in there was about 2400. The amount of Gills fans is open to debate (ranging from 500 to 1800) but the figure of 668 MKFC fans led to serious questioning from the BBC upwards. Leaving aside that everyone from bar staff to stewards to those who wanted refunds and given their dough back (plus a free ST to boot, I kid you not), then that figure doubled, having your attendances queried in such a public manner is never a good thing. Koppout tried to spin it afterwards by claiming it was the holidays and parents would have been intimidated by such protests. Yeah, you know all about intimidation, eh? Apartheid South Africa anyone? Surprised he didn't try and build a shanty town for us yesterday.
The game went on and so did the hoardes milling around. Coppers tried to push us back to keep the emergency services clear (though it was all agreed that had an ambulance been called for Koppout, nobody would get out of the way). Actually, the police were very nice to us, turns out that they're from Kingston and will be dealing with us all the while at Ks. Well, I guess it's a hands-on approach to breaking the ice.
The game ended, 1-0 to Gills. Don't ask me who scored or what the game was like, but apparently Gills could have had 6. How the players could perform in that environment I just don't know, but according to a Gills fan, MKFC players really looked like they didn't want to be there. Shame. Then came some more "scab" type abuse. OK, I don't like having kids involved in this, and TBH I think they were generally left alone. One well known supporter (who happens to be THE biggest pain in the arse going) was given major league abuse. Two Brimson brothers lookalikes passed, and one of them subsequently dropped his trousers at us. No doubt, he believed that by doing so, he was committing an act of defiance with a mix of misplaced superiority. Personally, I think he was demonstrating where exactly Koppout had been distributing his infected poisoned spermoza just moments ago. And really, that was that.
Afterwards, milling around the MKFC club shop and the shrine, it was really a bit of a strange sight. Torn shirts, few posters with some choice words (including one of P Winkelmann esq being described as a "slag" - come on, nobody is THAT desperate) and even a discarded MKFC clock - broken, no doubt. And then we left, maybe never to return..............
Remember I mentioned what the rest of the players felt earlier? Well, get this. In an act of stupidity rivalled only by Montague Koppel not wearing contraception 35 years ago, the MKFC team coach decided to drive by the Thomas Farley. This time, unlike Swindon, it did manage to drive straight pass. Patrick "Wu Tang" Agyemang was seen smiling. One player - not named purely because I don't know who it was, anyone who does know please supply details - gave an offensive gesture. Charming. Wonder if nice Mr Policeman would be interested? After all, Mr Taxcollector will be interested in the attendance yesterday so I doubt if our supergrass mood is passed yet. But here's the strangest thing of all : not on the coach was MKFC captain Neil Shipperley. Not too sure how true this story is, but apparently one Womble was in front of his car at Morden and immediately showed an AFCW flyer. Shipperley gave the thumbs up, and reportedly even chatted to this fan wishing us all good luck. I've probably cost him his job now, and to which I apologise profusely to him, but in situations like these, we need some support from those quarters.
I didn't spend too long at the Farley, I get the impression not that many did. Sad, but maybe it was inevitable. I'd had enough, I needed food and Thornton Heath gets more horrible each day. And so I left
Strangely, the Cannock branch said to me afterwards, "I could do that every week". I couldn't, I'm glad I couldn't. It wouldn't be as much fun as it was yesterday, but I still haven't got THAT closure. Who knows what might happen next?
Now, as for Sandhurst....
Bloody
hell, I've forgotten how you do these. Let's think. Oh yeah - Leatherhead
2 Giving Head 0 it finished, and we STILL can't stop losing. One day.
One day. Ahem. Anyway, until such time as I can actually recognise any of
our players, I'll give a brief rundown of the game. We started off a bit shaky,
but got back into it. We managed to get a penalty which was subsequently missed
(and my camera ran out of power, cueing much swearing in front of some 8 year
olds). Second half saw us put wide AND high from about 3 yards out, they got
stronger, we conceded an own goal then another poor defensive one. And we
lost. And we cursed our fitness big time. As I said, one day, one bloody day....
Moving on....
Plus points: It's coming together. Players seem to recognise each other now. Good strong tackling. Crossing looked good.
Minus points: Failing to score. Should really have been 3-0 up. Penalty was shite. Fitness ain't that good
Nice: Leatherhead. One of the most picturesque places I've ever been to. Quaint town centre, nice cup of tea from the Leatherhead Deli in the main street, even if it did take them about 45 years to brew it
Not so nice: Getting wet. This is real football though.
Boxing clever: Darran Langley lost in the last round 27-25, but now has the silver medal. He was clearly too defensive in the latter stages, and seemed to forget the basic rule in amateur boxing that you win bouts by points and points by punching. Still, he's the current ABA and Four Nations champion and I'm not, so I'd best hide the next time he comes a calling
Quotes: (1) "Leatherhead's green reminds me of the colour of the felt tips we use at work" - the Cannock branch. Urm. (2) "David Fry doesn't half look like Shaggy" - the Cannock branch again. No idea whether he meant the fictional cartoon character renounded for talking weirdly or Scooby-Doo's mate.
Spotted: Current Celsi employee, David Barnard and young (reasonably attractive) female, both wearing AFCW garb.
Chants would be a fine thing: Bit of banter between those behind the goal and those of us sensible enough to be on the side. And isn't singing the Champagne Song at Leatherhead just a tad ironic?
Truth
is stranger than fiction: (1) The bungy jumping thing in the centre of
Leatherhead high street. Seriously stomach turning. Apparently, I'm told that
bungy jumping has the same feelings of euphoria as a good wank orgasm.
If that's so, why do some people prefer jumping off a crane?? (2) Side stand
at Leatherhead shaped in a very similar manner to Molineux, insofar as you
are about about 3 acres away from the pitch. Those ever gone to Wolves will
know what I mean. (3) Watching some of the game from a glass box which doubled
up as the club bar. One thing never changes, watching the game from such luxurious
settings really does kill the atmosphere. (4) Why were there two grown men
wearing Liverpool shirts there today?
Question: Am I the only person who likes Leatherhead's colours?
Franchise
FC watch: They had their game at Sarfehnd moved today to their training
ground instead of Roots Hall. Apparently, it was "hastily arranged",
which means that they had a last minute change of pants plan. Why did
they do it? Fuck knows.
But it proves yet again what we already know. Franchise FC (Milton Keynes division) is scared. Se-cuh-ayre-duh with a capital "S". Apparently only FIVE MKFC fans turned up for Barnet and I seriously doubt if many more would have bothered today. Obviously the protests at Carshalton, Swindon and Barnet really affected their psyche. They must clearly be in panic stations if they're now telling other clubs to move their games. Next week for Gillingham will certainly be fun. For us, anyway.
Anything else? Not really, would be nice to win once in a while I suppose.
So, was it worth it? Well, we got to see Leatherhead :)
In a nutshell: Slowly but surely......
29 July 2002
OK, forget all pretence about flashy websites, which uses more graphic intensive displays and actually look professional - SW19 is back, poor navigation, suspect design et al. Swearing, snarling, and generally pissed off with life yet again. All you expect. Well, almost.
You will have noticed that the back in black approach has been taken. Well, I like it. The little terrorist dude stays, the slogan remains the same. The moroseness will be in evidence and you'll STILL be complaining about match reports. And Tripod.
Anyway. What's been happening since I last updated (ie Slutton?). Well, we haven't won a game yet. Unsurprising, as the whole club hasn't exactly been going for two months now is it? To say the atmosphere is far better than at any time at a club called Wimbledon for at least a decade : I even enjoyed losing to Sham 69 by 5-0. Reports from Windsor suggested that we played quite well and are improving all the time. One day we may even draw a game.
Some heroes are already starting to emerge. Terry Eames is gaining major popularity by merely posting on guestbooks. The guy called Trigger (Glenn Mulcaire) has already got his own song, Mehmet Mehmet too has his own lame chant and I went to school with Simon Bassey. Then again, I also went to school with Steve Finnan.
There's also some other club who plays in South East London who needs constant carping at. No, not Fisher, they're now known as Franchise FC, or MKFC (anyone who calls them FFC are complete Koppouts. Sorry. that is a bit harsh...). It's fair to say that "Guess The Attendance" will be fun this season there. Rumours abound that their season ticket sales range from 19 through to 500, though the real figure is probably inbetween the two. The OWFF (bless it) reportedly has 250 eligible people. Now, by "eligible", I mean ST holders AND club members. That's fucked.
Course, I could go into major cabbage bashing of Carlton "ex-hero" Fairweather, or the 16 or so people who turned up to MKFC vs Swindon (I know it was 16, I counted them), but I won't. What I will say is, get down to SP for one last party down there on the 10th. Hell, even I may turn up for the Farley mega piss up, though I'll be the sensible one, telling people that drinking is bad for you :)
In the meantime, enjoy this site's return. I suppose I ought to resurrect it, and now I have. I want bloody help doing it this time though.......