NEWS

 

28 August 2006

And if the game on Saturday was like walking into last season, Chelski 1 AFCW 1 was like the dying days of our Premiershit campaign. At times, I had flashbacks of THAT Sheff Weds game at SP. Even the rain felt like it did that fateful evening.

I won't bother about describing the game. It would be a mixture of swear words and descriptions of some of THE worst performances ever seen in the AFCW era. Actually, this was worse - we have the best collection of individuals now and the worst team.

Until PB came on, we looked nothing. No finesse. No bottle. No obvious will to win. Nothing. As was pointed out to me today, too many players come to AFCW and think they've got it on a plate. That they've "made it". The likes of PB, Rosco, RB and Andy Little bother. They try hard and just as important they've got the skill at this level to make it happen. The rest? Fuck off...

So, it's all DA's fault and we should sack him right? Dunno. I'm starting to be a little bit more sympathetic to that call right now. I really don't think he's got the ear of the dressing room. But only a little - yes, if he goes it'll be a moment of relief to some, particularly those who watch football with worn out knee ligaments (caused by too much jerking). But then what? The main problem is the attitude of our players. The ones I've mentioned above would win games, and have done. If a new manager comes in and can't motivate them as well, what's the point of getting shot of DA?

Actually, if you want something to chew on, Bob Dowie was there with him during the first half, and again talking with him at length afterwards. Is DA going to get some help from a higher level? Could we be witnessing the watershed moment that this season is fast producing? He'll probably end up at Palace now I've said that.

My own non-footballer solution is that we need somebody on the pitch to pick our players up by the bollocks. Literally, in some cases. Nobody was moving, nobody was yelling out instructions to each other. Can you imagine how we would have done after they'd scored if a player went apeshit on the pitch? And the worst thing is, when we did bother, we fucking ripped them apart.

I always thought that something was wrong at AFCW. Now I know there is. Again, if the presence of Bob Dowie today will get us out of this rut, so be it. Shipping in players almost weekly doesn't work well enough these days. Perhaps we need strength in depth on the coaching side? I'm still not convinced about our fitness. One thing is certain, any more like that and our board will need to convene an emergency meeting..

As for Scott Fitzgerald, he clearly can't understand why he's on loan from Brentford. Today's "offering" proved it to everyone else : occasional flashes of brilliance don't cut it when the rest of the time you look as interested as a gay male at a lesbian orgy. Is he short on confidence? If so, coming here will make you wish you'd work at Tescos instead.

Anyway, those who didn't go today can relive the moment over and over again. For those still wondering about the game...

Plus points: Rosco. Andy Little. PB and RB. Your heads can remain high.

Minus points: Everyone else can fuck off and die.

The referee's a.....: I have express permission from the person who said it to refer to the ref as a "cockfarmer". In one of his rare runs forward, SF was hacked down by their goalie. Red card, surely? Er, not quite. A yellow card, a little slap on the wrist and probably an invite to a housewarming party by the ref.

Them: If there's one good thing about what after all was a point, it was the fact it really fucked them off. We can be but thankful for small mercies. Other than their one shot, they really were dire. Makes us not beating them feel even worse. Fans their usual self (one allegedly threw a bottle at one of our lot), and I understand the stewards were a bit on the cunty side as well.

Point to ponder: Why have we gone backwards? More to the point, why have we gone backwards so quickly?

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Rosco having a clear shot at goal and slicing it. What a way to sum up a day. (2) Just how many coppers were there today? Presumably pissed off because they couldn't go drug dealer bashing at the Notting Hill Carnival.

Anything else? No. Do you really think I want to remind myself of today any longer?

So, was it worth it? The fact that I have never been so non-plused by a last minute equaliser in a competitive fixture suggests not.

In a nutshell: Pass Go, collect £200 and don't expect to stay long in prison.

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26 August 2006

Have I walked back into last season or something? Pinewood 1 Elstree 1 and once again we scrape a goal lead and give it back afterwards.

And TBH I don't quite know what to think. No doubt we'll go from the universally positive reaction after the Ramsgutter performance to one step short of mass suicide. Just like last season. We'll huff and puff on various internet guestbooks and down public houses. Just like last season. We'll convince ourselves that all we need are players who simply care, and all we need is for our CCL days to be magically bought back and we'll be 11 points clear by Xmas. Just like last season. Something is missing. Just like.... you get the idea.

In my notes, I wrote that we're passing the ball better than last season. I also made the comment that if we got a goal it'll all click into place. Granted, we sort of "aquired" that penalty, thanks to Scott Fitzgerald's professionalism. No, I don't mean he dived for it, but he knew that somebody was going to tackle him. IYSWIM.

And here is our problem. We go 1-0 up. We should have enough mental nous to shut up shop. Just like... yeah, you get the idea again. Trouble is, we shouldn't be making those same mistakes that cost us last season. But we are, and that's the worst fucking part. I don't actually think we're a bad side, certainly one with a little bit more idea and a lot more skill than this time last year. I've said the vibes are better this season, and even today I don't feel so much blood letting going on. If it continues though....

Here's a thought. Imagine that we'd kept the 1-0 lead and won. What would you have been talking about? Rosco D'Insane? Probably. Wes Daly? Almost certainly. You may have commented that we seem pretty solid, if not yet spectacular. Amazing what just one poxy lapse in concentration will do, isn't it?

Minus points: We didn't win. Deja vu. More strikers than RMT and only one goal at home this season, though shit service doesn't help. Defence still looks iffy.

The referee's a......: Christ, did he have an aversion to playing any sort of advantage whatsoever? At least he did play some injury time, unlike the jism guzzler last Tuesday.

Them: Bit more attack minded than Ramsgutter, were top for the whole of last season. BW have a reputation of their fans being a bit, ahem, lively. So, how many of them turned up to cause mayhem, wanton destruction and outright carnage? Urm, not many. In fact, they must have taken about 20 people - hardly worth the strict segregation. Still, the coppers got a nice bit of overtime out of it.

Point to ponder: How much does it cost to employ a gypsy to remove the curse from KM? Sure the SW19 readership in Kent could get some quotes for us.

Truth is stranger than fiction: Their #8 looking like Djibril Cisse, presumably pre-leg break. SB tried to follow suit though, paying homage to ex-Luton defender Steve Foster. Did he really need to bust his head just to do it though?

Anything else? Yup. Today, we witnessed the debut of our new mascot, Haydon the Womble. Like all mascots, kids love him, it has a habit of walking in a mixture of a stumble and a drunken stupor and is very un-nerving close up. Myself, being a bit of a miserable old git traditionalist, I'm not a fan of mascots, which to me are one step above cheerleaders*. OK, they has that lameness that crap US sports teams employ, but there's also something distinctly iffy about them anyway. Think about it - where else can somebody dress up in public, act strangely, put their arm around kids, offer them goodies and not get arrested?

* - as naff as cheerleaders are, I'm not so un-keen on them providing they're of FHM centrefold quality. Unfortunately, in this country they tend to be pre-pubescent/barely legal sorts, which should get alarm bells ringing all over the place. Of course, if AFCW had cheerleaders, they'll be men.

So, was it worth it? Guess

In a nutshell: Like an Ealing comedy.

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24 August 2006

Erk, I knew I forgot to do something. I got caught a bit short over the Ramsgutter report - I left my notebook at home and got waylaid on Weds anyway - so there won't be a proper one. Sorry.

If I'm being honest, I'm in two minds about the game. On the one hand, I mostly share the general vibe that we already look a much more composed outfit than last season. On the flip side - we dropped two points. No matter how well we played, it will say 0-0 on the results sheet.

OK, Ramsgutter were as dirty on the field as their fans were off it last season. Rumours that the UN Security Council were meeting to discuss their next game are as yet unconfirmed. But if we're going to go up, we have to figure out how to deal with teams who put not only 11 players behind the ball, but the subs, coaching staff and away turnout as well. The old syndrome that teams raise their games against us clearly hasn't died down (and if stating the bleeding obvious makes me BBB, then buy me a forklift truck so I can put them on) so we need that bit extra.

Do we have it? Possibly. One thing I noticed about Tuesday was the distinct lack of surlyness that made last season almost unwatchable. Not so much on the field, but off it. While we haven't had the dank, cold and wet November games against the likes of Hendon and ETU yet, there's already a better feel. Does that make sense? Something was definitely wrong last season, I genuinely don't sense that impending doom this time.

Granted, there's expectation, and everyone knows that if we don't do well, we'll be looking for a new manager. Some say 10 games, some say that Xmas is the watershed. I'm more inclined to believe now that decisions will be made at the end of the season. If we go up, great. DA deserves his chance to prove himself in the CS. If we finish second on goal difference, and lose 1-0 in the 119th minute of the playoff final, we try again next year. Anything else, I'm not sure. Certainly think that if we're 10th by Boxing Day, we'll be reading slightly different manager notes in the programme come the new year...

As it stands, I don't think that'll happen. We will play worse in future and win 3-0. I just hope our form at KM doesn't bite us on the arse like it did last season.

The ref? Well, obviously he bought his watch off somebody from Kent. Pray tell, how does one lose about three minutes? Insert obligatory Darryl Hair comment here, work in a reference to Halal butchers if you can. Mind you, the ref on Tuesday obviously enjoys a bit of ball tampering....

Other things I noticed on Tuesday. We seem to have more adverts around the ground now - well, about two, anyway. I always felt that lack of takeup around our ground reflected very badly on us, so hopefully more are due soon. After all, their money will be as vital in the future. I still don't like our home shirts, they look like a pigeon with digestive problems has shit on the shoulder.

Programme looks pretty decent, from what I saw of it. Interesting that Errea are advertising with us - I know they sponsor the Manager of the Month, but their byline of "official teamwear supplier to the Ryman Football League" is intriguing. Does that mean tracksuits and the like? Bet Tempest will be a bit POed with that if so. Fuck knows what will happen if they ever make an offer to manufacturer our shirts...

Normal service might be resumed the next game I'm at. I did warn you to make the most of my match reports last season...

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21 August 2006

OK, it's a bit late in me putting the Carlshiton report up, but like you're bothered....

 

Writing this report has been really hard, which surprised me as I mean it shouldn’t be, should it?

Start of a new season. New kits. Half a new team. A new ground to visit for a competitive game, and a local derby to boot. All that expectation, excitement about what was to come?

Yet it didn’t happen for me.

Sure I was happy as I walked away from Shit on Cars 1 Womble on, AFC 2 but it hadn’t felt like a ‘proper’ game. Whether it was the change in weather (predicted driving rain was replaced by glorious sunshine); the fact I had seen no pre-seasons so I had no idea who half the team were (apart from the usual suspects); or the surreal nature of only doing a 20 min walk to the ground, I don’t know. The whole crowd also seemed muted, apart from a couple of welcoming chants to the teams and the final whistle. In fact a couple of the younger members in our group didn’t realise it was a ‘real’ match until midway through the second half when the Carshalton players started throwing their toys out of the pram. It still felt pre-season.

We’d had discussions of boycotts earlier in the week on the various guest books but what surprised me was the lack of debate on Friday about the squad. Only a few team selections and sporadic stabs at possible results offered. Perhaps others, like me, had not seen enough of the team to form opinions yet.

So let’s get at least my first impressions out on the screen:

Plus Points: a win. Two goals. The spine of the team from last year – Little, Howard/ButlerS, Daly and ButlerR - being our best players on the day. The rest, still need a little time to gell, but the potential is there.

Minus Points: Letting in a goal. Butler’s goal being a punt and shot. Oh the purists will weep. Injury to Daly? Fracas at the end between the two benches - been there, seen that, boring as fuck. DA get a grip - if you can’t show how to hold your temper, how do you expect the players too? Injuries and suspensions cost us last year. The former you cannot control; the latter you can to a degree. It’s in your job description DA. Do it.

The referee’s a …. I thought it was a fatter Steve Cook - for the record, Andrew Parker. Did ok though could have protected our players a bit more. Let’s put it this way – having seen a couple of foul-ups by the refs on Match of the Day later that evening, he didn’t do any worse than his ‘professional’ colleagues.

Them: Confirmed my pre-conceived (gleaned from local match reports) ideas about them. Serial underachievers with a lack of ambition and ability to moan like Nikki on Big Brother (thanks Ray). When tackled, seemed to down more times than Paris Hilton. In the second half thought they’d changed the sport to diving and wrestling (the battle between ButlerS and Dundas). Though pretty at the back (yes, one or two dodgy hairdo too) and in midfield, they were toothless upfront except for the awkwardness of Dundas, who scored with an excellent turn and shot. Pure opportunism.

Truth is stranger than fiction… Though I live but a 20 min walk from Colston Avenue I had never been there for a game ever. Missed out previous visits. Strange how you can live so close to something but never go: for years it was me and Wimbledon tennis.

In fact the night before I had to acquaint myself with how to get in to the ground. Didn’t want to look a dodo as we were entertaining the all-knowing Armfields beforehand…

Talking of whom…walking into the ground and turning to join the massed AFCW fans spied, above a line of six seats, the sign ‘Ray’s place.’ We thought about sitting down there but didn’t want to give a jobsworth apoplexy

Franchise watch…. Another win, now 3 out of 4 means those of us wishing the worst on them need to sip a large whiskey and chill for another season. They are now only 7 wins away probably from staying up! A rumour persists that MacLeod, their star striker, may go (to Palace), so you never know…

Competitor watch… Seven other teams gained 3pts too. Top of the bunch were Margate, 0-5 up at Worthing at half-time and eventual 2-5 winners. Ray Armfield had ‘run into’ half the team at Clackett Lane Services on the M25 and had described them as ‘big buggers.’ Déjà vu anyone? H&R won 0-2 at ETU , with Ashford Town (Mx), Harrow, Leyton, and Tonbridge Angels all winning by the odd goal. Ramsgate did Heybridge 2-0 so that’ll make Tuesday night a bit more interesting now.

So was it worth it? Well, it’s got the wife use to me and my daughter going out to football again. And we had the pleasure of the Armfields’ company. Roll on Tuesday night football too ;-)

JamPot

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13 August 2006

Looks like the pre-season campaign has ended with a whimper rather than a bang. Or is it a collective yawn? No, I wasn't at Ks yesterday (went NLPing at Uxbridge v Met Police, not too bad as it goes), and judging by the sub-600 turnout very few of our lot bothered as well.

I don't think I've seen so many people openly say they're not going to a particular game for ages. Not because of distance, nor even price. This is a legit unpopular fixture, and one that we're increasingly finding resentful. Remember that its premise is to help out Ks. Not us. Raising money for other clubs is always going to be difficult on a regular basis. And let's not forget that the good samaritan act isn't entirely appreciated either. Mouthing off over the internet is one thing. Allegations of vandalism of our banners and spitting on our trophy cabinet is quite another.

OK, I have to admit that I probably would have gone yesterday, but that's because I'm not sure how many games I'll see this season. If I want to help Ks out, I'd go to a few of their own games, put some money in that way. Until the powers-that-be figure out why people aren't going - and more poigniantly openly stating so - don't be surprised to see this fixture fall further and further attendance wise...

On a wider scale, there's an argument for not playing any sort of PSF a week before the season starts, although getting your eye in is probably much better than a training session. Until we get promoted, we're going to find we have a loose week before we get under way properly. Obviously, for this spare week, we won't play a fellow RP team. If it's an issue next year, why not a Southern Premier side? Same pyramid level, a fixture that will get our arse in gear and a good chance to see how prepared we are. And yeah, I hear the comments about travelling, although a cursory glance at their table says that we could have easily played a Maidenhead or a Northwood.

As for the game itself? Dunno, I have hardly read anything about it at all. Seriously, even RPV and Fleet got more comments about it. It does appear the game was crap in a "why are we playing this?" style. In light of comments above, why are you surprised? Though the deffo-not-much-maligned RB is back, which is a major plus point in itself.

Somehow, you can't help thinking that we'll be far more ready for it come Carshiton next week. Both the team and us lot. As this week progresses, the anticipation will build up a bit more. There are many reasons for this : they're local. They're a bit of a Sutton (insofar as they're a "big" local side that we want to be at their playing level). The season starting always gets people excited. And the fact that they almost beat the average Frenzy in speed of giving a lovingly performed rimjob to Wankie...

Elsewhere, as the world and his wife knows by now, one of our ex-players made headlines last week. I never thought I'd ever see the AFCW name mentioned on the front of the Telegraph, but it was there. Now, let's be honest here. Why would Trigger feel the need to throw his career away like this? Even if he's found innocent, mud will stick. In respect of the laws of the land, and to maintain and uphold the integrity of this nation's judicial system, I will not make any comment relating to his alleged misdemeanours. Unless he did it. I have a (currently embargoed) front page already waiting....*

(* actually, this is a serious comment. Are there any lawyers reading this who wouldn't mind giving out some free advice over what I can/can't get away with? Contact at usual address please).

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6 August 2006

Another PSF, another PSF defeat. This time, we got treated to Paras 4 Civvies 1. And now the feelings of doom and doubt are upon us. Are we ever going to win a meaningless game ever again? Is the high pressure non-competititve match situation too much for us? How will we ever cope with players giving as much as 70% in the 90 minutes?

About to slit your wrists yet? Before you get the blade out, read on. This may be the worst PSF campaign since AFCW's first ever season, but on the flip side, it's better to get the shit out of the way now. The last time we played stonkingly before proper games began was in our last season in the Prem. And we all know how that turned out...

In hindsight, the result really doesn't matter. If you need to know about the game itself, we went behind, Rosco D'Insane scored an utter blinder which got the Shots fans applauding, we let a goal in soon afterwards and conceded two late ones. We could have scored a couple more ourselves, and with a bit more match sharpness we probably would have.

Time to panic? Not really. All it proves is that there's a very real gap between a full time Conference side and an amateur RP side. You almost can't begin to predict how we're going to do. If you're going to try though, consider this : there's no real vibe that everything is going to turn to shit. There's a feeling that something is about to happen. What, we don't know, but there doesn't appear to be the malaise that hit us very early on last season. This could be the most interesting season in some while.

Not nearly so interesting is this...

Plus points: D'Insane's goal. Nice use of width in places. Passing not too bad. Once we get crosses in we don't look too bad.

Minus points: Losing. Spinal Tap drummer-esque feeling about our back line's pace (lack thereof).

The referee's a.......: I should make a sarky comment about him being totally anonymous, but it's still too bloody warm to think.

Them: Look, could you please stop being so god damn nice to us? Singing anti-MK songs and saying how much respect you've got for us is most offputting. Whatever happened to the good old days when you went there and had half your limbs broken by the Paras? Very good hosts, typically sharp Conf team. And I secretly wished we played there more regularly..

Point to ponder: Anyone else think our change strip should be white instead of red? Although I still preferred the old green for a few years ago.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Too many Chelski shirts about. Not at the game, just generally. All the new Adidas ones as well, clearly "aquired" from Sports World. Saw one fat old slapper at Tesco in New Malden with Shevchenko already printed on the back, obviously in deference to his loyalty to the cause. And hers. "Fans" like them just make me grateful I don't support a Prem team these days. (2) Quite a few butterflies about. Reading this now, it's quite inconsequencial, but during the second half it was a major talking point. Honest.

Anything else? Yeah. Back to their ground. It really hasn't changed since they were known as plain old Aldershot. OK, the new turnstiles look, er, new, and not the 1930s municipal efforts they used to have. And I bet they could redevelop that CCLesque end if they needed to. But what struck me is how kewl an FA Cup or FAT game (or maybe one day, in the league) would be. Forget love-ins, I'm referring to that big fuck off terrace behind the goal, that would create one helluva racket. For those who don't know, it's an old style construction, with a roof that looks like it was "borrowed" from the barracks next door. Needs a dust though. In a big game, we'd probably get half that terrace. I for one am praying for a favourable draw this year...

So, was it worth it? A nice weekend in a public park? Guess so.

In a nutshell: Shot to pieces.

And finally: Today, we mark the sad departure of an AFCW legend. A player who epitomised the old Wimbledon spirit, a man beloved by all and an individual whose contribution may never be replicated ever again. Yes, eight months ago Matt Everard retired. Even now we still miss his will-to-win. Oh, and Rob Ursell's gone.

So, what's my reaction to Urse's departure? Well, to be honest, there isn't much of one. It does appear that he wanted to play more, he obviously wasn't going to this season and subsequently left. Usual thing. At least his departure will give a ready-made excuse when we lose in future. Should Carshalton beat us, expect anguished cries of "Ursell would have changed the game yesterday. He is God. We're now a long ball team. Anderson out etc".

I know I was guilty of missing quite a few games last season, but post-game reactions constantly seem to suggest that RP defenders sussed him out a lot more. There was precious little "change the game" comments about him afterwards. And call me old fashioned, but if your reputation suggests that you can make something happen, it might be a good idea to do it every so often. He might have done it once or twice last season, although I am struggling to remember what games, but that's not enough any more.

So as you can gather, I'm not massively upset at his departure. The fact that practically all the eulogies about him centre around what he did came in the R1 season says it all. OK, we all wish him well, and hope he never scores against us. But we will find a new hero before too long, and we'd have (mostly) forgotten all about him this time next year. Bit like some other bloke we once had. Kevin Copper, or whatever he was called...?