SW19's ARMY - politically unsound since 1999

NEWS

24 February 2007

If the phrase game of two halves wasn't such a cliche, I would gladly use it to describe Whizz 3 Billy 2. I'll start off with the first half, and will repeat verbatim my notes that I wrote down..

Feels quiet, bit dead. Game not settled down. Billericay attacking too much for my liking. 1-0 great shot outside box by Wales. A bit against the run of play but who cares? 1-1 bollocks. "Wake up Wombles". Just like last week. Seems lethargic.

Rivetting stuff, eh? If you got bored reading that, you weren't half as bored as I was writing it. It did seem that recent events had finally caught up with us. Had we blown up too soon? Was the energy generated by the last month or so finally receeding leaving us with an 18-point gap and a massive headache? Certainly, that's the way things were heading.

Of course, something was bound to happen, and it did. In these situations, you can often thank one of our players for conjuring up a bit of skill. You can thank DA for a tactical switch that bamboozles and baffles the opposition into a fatal error. You may even thank the crowd for giving the team that ever-so-important lift. Well, for this game, our gratitude falls to three Billy Ricky players, whom contributed almost tirelessly to our second half.

Here's what happened. Their GK challenged RDS with studs showing. No contact made, which probably saved him. Play continues, RDS and goalkeeper square up. Their #5 rushes over and all hell brokes loose. Basically, the #5 falls down once to try and get RDS sent off. Realising it didn't work, he gets up again and falls over WWE style for the second time. The soft as shite nonce must have thought he was really clever and hard. Funny that after the second attempt at dying he got up and went as far away from RDS as possible.....

Anyway, RDS and the goalie both get booked, while the ref failed to do anything whatsoever about #5's impression of a cheap hooker. Things then calm down for about a minute. Then, their #4 (not their #6 as previously stated) has an "off the ball incident" with RDS and is sent off. Now, I advise you to watch DonsOnline, because it is the best reaction ever after a sending off. Watch it ALL the way through, and send it to Bravo.

Needless to say, when you fuck off the Wombles, expect things to happen. If somebody ran onto the field and twatted their narky goalie, they would have easily claimed provocation. But instead, we got our own back in a different way thanks to Steve Wales, who basically drove through their shotstoppers legs. And let's face it, it's the biggest thing to ever be inbetween their goalie's thighs : we're talking hung like a baby carrot here. A doormouse went up his shorts once and came out with a tape measure sniggering loudly. Presumably he needed to cheat to make up for a very real lack of virility.

And he really lost it by then. Standing further away from his goal than need be. Not bothering to attempt to save PL's goal. And to complete his mental breakdown he left his waterbottle behind at the end, rather than face the TE. Let's hope RDS wiped his cock over it, although their goalie would probably enjoy the taste..

TBH I really can't understand why Ricky needed to cheat so much. If we're playing shit like Ramsgutter, I can understand it. But this lot aren't bad, they done us over at their place after all. Maybe these sides really do hold us in awe and can only find one way of competing? Shame none of them admit it though.

Oh yeah, we won 3-2. Usual last minute goal that we seem to concede too much at the moment.

Got all that? Good. Here's...

Plus points: We won. Tricky fixture. On top. Dealing with some pretty ~~cheating antics by talentless fucks~~ cynical play well.

Minus points: Conceeding twice. Laboured at times.

The referee's a......: I'm not too sure whether he was shit or he just had his hands full. As we won, I'll give him the latter.

Them: I've said enough about their team, except they probably thought they were in an Essex nightclub the way they carried on. Oh yeah, didn't they do similar to Shane Smeltz last season with their play-acting? What goes around comes around, eh? Report abounds that one of our backroom staff had to intervene to prevent their #5 getting to feel what it's really like to be smacked in the chops. No idea whether it's true, though I hope it isn't because I don't want any of our lot in hot water because of those cunts.

Their fans don't escape scrutiny either, by all accounts a humourless version of Bromley, and not nearly as charming or friendly. What were they singing during Ivor's half-time presentation that made him react? An element of theirs seem to have adopted on-field antics off it as well. Firstly, I saw one of their fans slung out rather forcefully by a copper. Why? According to somebody near the incident, it was because their fan tried to headbutt one of our stewards. Charming. Then, at either half time or at full time, there was apparently an incident in one of the bars involving a couple of Ricky........

Point to ponder: Why did we have new caterers today? I can't say I was over-impressed by the tea, and reaction wasn't favourable from the rest of the fayre on offer. Have we fallen out with the old caterers? Or is there something a bit more, well, less clear....?

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The mysterious non-appearance of any Ryman official in presenting their award. Be honest, have you ever seen a league representative refuse to turn up in such a manner? Hopefully, it's a message..... (2) How crap is our on-field microphone? Come on, hasn't the club heard of Maplin?

Anything else? Yeah - the lesser spotted Robin Shroot has been picked for the Northern Ireland under-20s. Well done to the lad, but I have to admit I was shocked that he (a) qualified to play for NI and (b) is good enough. I don't believe it myself - you'll be telling me next that God Save The Queen will be played at Croke Park....

So, was it worth it? Yup.

In a nutshell: Our push for promotion/mid table continues.

19 February 2007

I suppose this is what it feels like to be an orthodox jew in Saudi Arabia. Not content with chucking us out of the FAT, and taking 18 points away from us in the process, the pricks-that-be have decreed we're now out of the Surrey Senior Cup as well.

OK, compared to the other two punishments, this one isn't so devastating. Nobody really gives a shit about the tournament until the final anyway. It's not a matter of life, death or season-breaking. But it just adds to the very real feeling of victimisation that I guess the vast majority of fans are feeling right now.

It's not as though us getting chucked out of this one was straightforward either. Remember what I wrote a mere two days ago:

Of course, things have taken a curious twist in the last 48 hours. As far back as Wednesday, the Surrey FA website hadn't put the Egham game up on the fixtures, but were due to meet that evening to discuss us in the SSC. No announcement was made, though interestingly enough the fixture popped its merry head up on Thursday. Well, guess what - the game is now postponed. Hmm, hmm and hmm again. Funny how the link said that it was decided on Wednesday and yet the Surrey FA website still put it up.

Fast forward to today and instead of waiting for the game to be rearranged, we're now out. So the SFA tell Egham Town one thing and us another. Even if it was in error, it stinks like shit. Why has it taken so long from the time the meeting was held until us finding out officially? Did the carrier pigeon get lost around Esher or something? How come Egham got a nice email and we didn't? Or if we did, why wasn't it published on our OS?

Effectively, we've been officially told that we're out of a competition the day before we were due to play the next round. Out of the three punishments, this is by far the most appalingly handled of the lot. This is the insult to injury.

Know what really winds me up? It's not the fact that yet again, we can't appeal. That is just a legal challenge away, and the sooner that's altered the better. It's the fact that not only did the Surrey FA keep us waiting for so long, and gave two different responses to the two sides, but the fact that they called us AFC Wimbledon F.C. How fucking disrespectful is that? No doubt those blazered old farts will be the first one to come out with the words "courtesy" and "respect" and yet show absolutely zero in return. We're in charge, dear boy, and don't forget it.

No doubt they'll call it an administative error that was unintentional. Well guess what - that's why we've been strung up by the balls. Whenever we make a mistake, we get hung, drawn and quartered. Whenever the FA or whoever make a mistake, they hide behind extremely dubious rules like not being able to appeal, or somehow avoiding lawcourts. Clubs are the ones who give the officials the jobs in the first place, and are always the ones to get the brunt no matter how badly the rules are specified. Meanwhile, the officials smugly sit there knowing damn well they're untouchable, just like a French monarch.

I daren't risk a stroke writing any more about the FA and the way they conduct themselves. All I'll say is this : many of them are bound to be the sort who reminisce about World War Two. The way they act, it's clear some of them back then were fighting for the wrong side.

Anyway, I presume we're sending our appeal off today, hopefully it won't get lost in the post. I'm not hopeful about getting any sort of realistic punishment now, the authorities just can't be trusted over this. Before, I was in two minds about taking this to court if need be. After today, I cannot see any other way we can change a draconian, biased and perhaps even undemocratic governing body....

17 February 2007

I suppose there had to be a time when with everything that has happened to us in the last month, when it would all catch up with us. The momentum we had built up, with 6 (?) straight wins was always going to slow down soon. I suppose that after Horns 1 Dicks 1 we've got a point. What that will do to us now I don't know, but today did give us a little slap, a little reminder that all is certainly not in our favour - certainly on the pitch.

At least, I wrote all that in my mind before I found out we were top.

No, I didn't believe it myself when I read it. This wasn't our best game at all, in many ways it was the worst since Staines away on Boxing Day. Certainly the worst since Worthing, where this did have an all-too-familiar feel. OK, we didn't have half the players we would normally have had, and it was our own fault we only drew. But it's typical that we reach the top spot without a barnstorming performance.

Needless to say, you-know-who are planning to do you-know-what. Enjoy being top before they make it illegal. As for those who aim to do us ill? I get the feeling they're all in a sealed mid-Essex bunker right now, getting faint analogue signals from Corporals Binky and Smudger over the Plessey that we're top. Sensing panic and outrage, Lt Turvey issues his men with strict instructions not to fall for any propaganda exercises from the enemy. This includes not reading any enemy communication devices, to refuse all printed media covering the story and to immediately burn all communications from J Sturman QC. One has a duty before God to protect ones country, ones Monarch and most importantly, ones battle-scarred ~~rulebook~~ bible.

In response, night-time operations commence at 2300 hours GMT to "rationalise" destroying the enemy's warchest by use of wartime approved coded messages, such as "international clearance" and "6.1". All to be agreed by Sgt N Robinson in writing and passed to CHQ at a secret Central London location, after which a cup of Suchards before retiring for the night with sweetheart Vera Lynn.

Probably.

It's quite interesting how people were reacting today to it, it's a feeling that the worst is now over. Deep down, we all know that the FA/RP can't take any more points away from us, at least not without us throwing a court order at them. Today was a lull, both on and off the pitch - things seemed to catch up with us finally. Passes were going astray, moves just weren't coming off. The spark from the last six games just didn't, er, spark. I only made limited notes (technical difficulties) but what I wrote down wasn't good.

But then, it's summed us up right now. We play poorly and we end up in first place. Just the same as we got thrown out of the FAT and then stuffed Chelmsford 3-0. Maybe this is an omen? This may be bullishness on my part, but deep down I believe that a twist will come that will finally work in our favour. We can't keep losing to the authorities. We deserve a little bit of luck and justice in this whole saga. And maybe with this story sniffing around the FA's trousers, and the resulting fallout from that, we might just get it....

The game? Forgettable. Instead, here's....

Plus points: We didn't lose.

Minus points: We didn't win. Too many injuries.

The referee's a........: Quite a few people presumed he was Polish, on the basis that he had a dodgy haircut and a distinctly Eastern European accent. Assuming he is, I would therefore like to say the following to him: Ty kaflaro zajebana. Narkomanie pierdolony ty. Zona syfilisem cie obdazyla, ty palancie. Matkojebca. After his performance, I'm sure these are sentiments we all agree with.

Them: The Lards were out, vocal as usual. Their team weren't all that, although they were good at the right time unfortunately. Always the worst thing when you can see a goal coming a mile off yet don't do anything about it. Interesting to read in their local paper that they've got to leave their ground in 2008 as it's been sold for housing, yet even with this a deal hasn't yet been done to move in elsewhere.....

Point to ponder: If this result had happened about 3/4 months ago, would the post-game reaction have been the same?

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The odd sight of Haydon, the Horsham Horn and that bloody dog mascot. How many more times will the artificially haired hound going to turn up to our games? Is the mutt Tintin's mate? (2) Steve Wales scoring, and Luke Garrard's rather increduous look afterwards....

Anything else? Not really. But it does look like current events have penetrated towards the upper scale of British football. Check out the first paragraph......

So, was it worth it? Urm...

In a nutshell: Thank christ Egham is off.

10 February 2007

Today, I learnt something about AFCW. Maybe it was something I already knew, and reading back it was certainly something I should have known but for some reason didn't believe. But after The Bankruptcy Court 3 Mark Goldberg 2 I've learnt it now.

AFCW is one hell of a strong organisation.

It seems that we handle anything that is thrown at us, certainly as a fanbase and now as a football club as well. As a collection of individuals, we've handled the Crystal Palace mergers of 1981 and 1986. We handled Hammam's get-rich-quick sale after the FAC final in 1988. We handled the move to Shitehurst in 1991. We handled the club's outright refusal to speak to Merton from then until 1996. We handled Dublin. We handled WFC's decline from about 1998 until 2000, including relegation and the players taking the piss. And of course, there was that little matter of club relocation......

The first game after 18 points were stolen from us (and don't give me that "it's the rules" bollocks - they were stolen from us. And you fucking well know it) could have gone very badly wrong. Had we not performed, had we shown precious little guile or endeavour, and Satan forbid even lost a game, we would have been in trouble. The confidence would have slumped, arses would get twitchy, and there would be less stomach for a fight. The whole thing could have collapsed today, and not just on the field as well.

Today, we had to prove ourselves. Today we had to show the world that yet another injustice against the Wimbledon fanbase wouldn't knock us down. And you know what? We did.

Forget that the scoreline was just one goal in it. Had Bromley scored their penalty, or put their wayward shot in the net, we would have netted a couple more in response. That's how it was. For a mid-table (and no, it's not even remotely funny to write that) side like ours to come back like that is special. Today, AFCW proved once and for all what it's about.

Think about it, how would most other teams in our situation cope? OK, not every club or indeed every set of players will spiral downwards. But when you add the pressures that being AFCW does bring (and let's not dismiss it as us being BBB - it's a fact of life), the whole thing could have broken right there and then. But I think it's because of the timeline of events I wrote above that has gotten us through it.

Make no mistake, the injustice felt is real. People do want to fight back, and not just because of a draconian-applied rule. I felt it today. It's people who you stand near who would shoot the likes of Turvey in a second who bring it home to you. And not the hot-heads either. It may be a banner up the TE. It might be something childish like putting flags over the Ryman hoardings. But it all adds up.

Today, it was officially confirmed that AFCW was no longer willing to be fucked up the arse.

OK, we're not going to start burning effergies just yet. Though Phillo's plug for WH Smith at the end was pretty funny. And while I don't agree with the boycotts of away grounds there is scope for a bit of a propaganda war. Saying things like that, blocking off signs etc may seem trivial, but actually they're not. When you consider that something minor like what we've had causes so much aggro, something even as petty as that speaks volumes. Imagine if we were able to blacken the Ryman name? Don't forget, the owner of the Ryman is also involved with W&H, so there's a lot more to it than just mere sponsorship. Drinking club, anyone? Do not underestimate the power of propaganda, no matter how small it seems.

The plans in the secret nerve centre also known as the AFCW boardroom are hatching, of what we don't know. But there's a twist in this sorry tale to come, I can feel it. It may not happen this season, but it could well manifest itself next campaign. And I think we might like it..

As for on-pitch stuff, when they went 1-0 up I feared the worst. It was a ricochet of sorts, they slid in and just rolled my eyes. And boy, did they milk the celebration. Thankfully, we came back, and when Fergie found himself all by his lonesome, that was that.

Second half? Bit scrappy in places TBH, but elsewhere we were immense. We wanted it, and boy did we get it. Fergie again and Rosco...... E, but it could have been a couple more. Bromley did make a go of it, and how the fuck they managed to put the ball over the bar from about 3" out is something I will never know. Not that I'm upset they did. And as for AL's penalty save....

Course, they scored at the end, but it was a brave consolation goal for the vallant losers.

Had enough? So have I. Here's.....

Plus points: Winning. At KM. Character well and truly displayed. Coming back from a goal down. Keeping the pressure up. AL's penalty save.

Minus points: The aggro of the last three weeks.

The referee's a.......: Gives wankers a bad name, apparently. Far too many offsides for my liking, but other than that I have no reason to want him dead.

Them: Bloody hell, there were a lot of them. Was this the highest ever turnout by a visiting team to KM (not counting FCUM)? As for their team, we've played them twice this season and neither time they've struck me like Braintree did last season. They were better than they were at their place, but even so I would have been pissed off had we not won. Goldberg is putting money in, but will they be another Chelmsford (ie too much money, too little incentive) when things get tough? More to the point, who cares? If they continue to play like that against us in future, I certainly don't.

Point to ponder: Speaking of Bromley, does anyone reckon there could be a bit of a genuine needle/rivalry brewing between us? The signs are there : the slight hangover from Coney Hall. They seem reasonably supported, although that could be down to Goldberg's money. They chanted today that they hated us and gave a little hint that they meant it. A read of their website shows they don't really like us, and it's fair to say they're not our favourites either. I think we actually enjoy beating them - witness the song "1-0 and you fucked it up" by us today. I don't think it was entirely tongue in cheek.

OK, there's no incident I know of (yet) that one of our fans and one of theirs meet each other in the street on a non-matchday and go at it toe-to-toe. But they have to segregate us for games. And one of them even went to the trouble of buying a Welsh flag to wave at us. Either that or he was actually Welsh. I suppose if we find ourselves at the same level as them for the next few years this could become a little bit tasty. Still, it saves us having to be all bumlicky......

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Sky Sports, the Mayor of Merton and Allen Batsford there as well. This has been a strange week. (2) Haven't written about the appeal, I needed a break from writing about it all. I did notice the Mitcham and Morden MP (thankfully not my local one) has put her €0.02 to the Sports Minister. Is there an election or de-selection process in operation? Hmm. Lest we forget that if it wasn't for the interference of said MP whilst local councillor, we would have probably spent today watching WFC beat Fulham or QPR at Beddington Lane.

Anything else? Not mentioned anywhere else I've seen, but so indicative of AFCW. Who got the biggest, most heartfelt cheer when our team was read out? Step forward Mr International Clearance Man himself, one J Darlington....

So, was it worth it? Yes, and then some.

In a nutshell: If grit won points, we would have been promoted by now.

7 February 2007

You know, no matter how hard you try to expect the worst, no matter how tough you make yourself, when the shit hits the fan it hurts like fuck. This isn't a hurt insofar as having your bollocks scraped with barbed wire. This is more a hurt of victimisation, a hurt of humiliation and perhaps more than that, a hurt of stroke-inducing outrage.

As it stands now, you can go into administration, you can pay off people illegally, you can tap people up, you can cause riots, indeed anything like that. And you will still be punished less than what we were today. Come to think of it, you could run onto the pitch at a game, rape the referee in full view of the Ryman committee and still get away with less than what we got today.

Bitter? Yes. Angry? Absolutely. Full of desire for the nastiest revenge going? Guilty as charged. Yet again we have been right royally fucked up the arse in the worst way possible. And quite simply I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the FA turning football into a joke. I'm sick of glorified drinking clubs like the Ryman clinging to their rulebook and ignoring any and all degrees of common sense. I'm sick of the po-faced bureaucrats with tiny minds and even tinier dicks treating the game like they are custodians with complete wanton contempt. I'm sick of the authorities in football being as untouchable and God-like as the medical profession (probably THE most untrustworthy and closed-shop professionals going). But most of all, I'm sick of being frustrated at how powerless we are against these arseholes. People who rape kids get more of a say.

Here's the charge, if you can bear to read it. £400 fine plus costs. Piddling, isn't it? We raised that in bucket collections in just two hours. But now the stinger. 18 points. That's eighteen points. Read it again and again. Eighteen points. Six victories wiped out just like that. Why? Please, tell me why? Oh yeah, I forgot, we forgot to complete properly a vague looking form to get international clearance for a player who had been retired six months previously. And when I put it in its starkest terms it makes it even worse.

I didn't think it would be possible for me to be even angrier than I have been the past two weeks. But I am. I really cannot put into words what I feel about the Ryman, because there are deflamation laws prohibiting me. Suffice to say, I believe that many of them can't even dress themselves unaided.

Think about it. Our season has now been ruined because of god knows how many dribbling old farts who wonder why mail to Rhodesia and Abyssinia gets returned. No doubt they'll claim that they're upholding the integrity of the league, that good housekeeping is tantamount to the sense of fair play. Fuck off. They're jobsworth old men who need the powertrips. What basis does having this kind of punishment for this crime serve? I can understand if we've defrauded people with intent. I can understand it if we'd paid off referees. But a clerical error? I'd like to see what admin mistakes the Ryman Commission have made in the past. Probably more than what we've been hung for.

I want us to get real nasty with the Ryman now, I've had enough. Individually, there are plenty of things I'd like to see us do. Unfortunately, it will involve the Terrorism Police getting involved. Anyone who wants to do anything better do it off their own back and claim dimished responsibility afterwards. Think plenty of our fans would show the same level of condemnation as motorists do to that letterbomber right now. But even little things help.

Initially, I think the club should withdraw every bit of co-operation with the RP that it can get away with. Fuck it, what else can they do? Deduct 30 more points off us? On second thoughts, don't tempt them. Remove all Ryman league boards from the ground, refuse to publish their adverts in the programme. Snub their functions, become a constant pain in the arse at league meetings. Do we get our paper from Ryman? Go to Tesco or Staples instead. Give a lifetime ban to RP officials from KM - and the very same people who have fucked us over today. And make sure they damn well know why. The thought of cunts like Turvey shitting themselves as they have to go into the home ends at KM is a smigeon of payback.

Obviously, don't give the R1S clubs who were representing the Ryman today ANY money whatsoever, unless they come out publicly and say that they voted against the 18 points. Kneejerk? Spoilt? Yeah, we are. They deduct 18 points off us, we deduct our spending habits at their places. Trust me, this and the bad publicity we should give will hurt them a lot.

I won't go so far as to say boycott away games this season, or indeed in the RP. In fact, I would suggest we turn out more than ever. Let's be honest, the team really need us now, they must be as hurt as we are. They've been effectively denied the chance to go up because of some draconian old fart who stinks of gin and piss. I wonder how many RP sides themselves have been checking their player registrations with a slight sweat in the past two weeks? From what I can gather, there's been a bit of a split between the clubs and Turvey anyway over the restructuring. We might have more allies in our division than we think, which will explain why there hasn't been any notable "haha" at us yet. Remember, it deffo can happen to them now.

In the meantime, I hope the club are preparing their appeal as we speak. In fact, I'm sure they will. OK, I'm sure we'd all it a bit stronger than "the board of AFC Wimbledon is very disappointed with this outcome and intends to consider the options available to it" but you know this ain't going to be the last of it.

What will that mean? Firstly, unlike the FA we are allowed to appeal. Good of them. I'm not holding out for much because Alty got told to fuck off themselves after an appeal. It's after that when I hope that the club and Jim Sturman QC are discussing right now. Whether it will involve the CAS (which we can do after all other options have been exhausted) or even the infamous Rule K I don't know. But we must take this all the way. I would be extremely disappointed - perhaps to a point of unforgiveness - if we didn't. Even if we don't get any joy this season, I want those points back. I can handle an 18 point head start next season. Christ, Spurz committed worse and got away with it.....

As for the "rules are rules" people, two words. Fuck off. Three more words. Go fuck yourself. A further seven words. Go fuck yourself with a rusty knife. This is the equivalent of being thrown in jail for three months for forgetting to pay your parking fine. Perhaps we should introduce that law and hope anyone responsible gets done for it? Yeah, it would be unfair and totally disproportionate. But hey, "rules are rules", you say it yourself. Oh wait, you're not so keen on that phrase now? How odd....

Those who say we should take our punishment on the chin are sages, and who do exactly what they're told. Never questioning why the rules are as they are, just that they've got to be obeyed. It may be "how football works". Well, if that's how football works I hope it dies painfully tomorrow. Not grassing on agents is how football works. Turning a blind eye to tapping up players is how football works. Allowing blatant cheating in the form of "gamesmanship" is how football works. Cast your minds back to how football fans were treated by the authorities (and still are). That's how football works. And that's why it needs to get the kicking of its life from somebody, somewhere. And soon.

As Roy Keane put it, dead fish always swim with the flow. Football is full of dead fishes, and the Ryman's verdict is that of a load of dead haddock being washed up stream. Chained to the rulebook much like the dead haddock are chained to the stream of the water. Thank christ that AFCW is busy flapping its tail and thinking "bollocks to this....."

One thing above all else. Even if we don't get one point back off those bastards, and we get further punishment, I just want to see at least one little speck of Ryman League and FA blood slithering on the floor.......

4 February 2007

As soon-to-be-Black Wednesday approaches, I did try mentioning it to a minimum. But after reading this, and the NLP today (which really laid into the way we've been shafted), it's impossible to ignore it. And indeed DA's comments on the OS speak volumes.

"We’ve got a lot of players who need some recovery time so we can nurse them through to next Saturday when we will be playing what really ought to be a top of the table clash, Ryman League willing, against Bromley.”

So here goes, for the last time until the decision (hopefully). We will have 18 points deducted on Wednesday because I have no faith whatsoever in the Ryman to do the sensible thing. That Informer link above says all you need to know (and unlike some I think the source has a bit of credibility. And no, I don't know who it is).

The more I read the rules, the more they have nailed themselves down over it. They will be so tied to officialdom that they will effectively leave themselves open to having their arses kicked. An appeal is almost inevitable and the last thing the Ryman need is a costly set of comebacks to slice through their own draconian rules.

By the sounds of it, we can get the CAS onto them as well as the FA (in fact, FIFA are rather keen on the CAS - they're bound under Swiss law and have the authority to over-rule individual leagues and associations, which effectively keeps sport out of the courtroom). All assuming it gets that far - I don't believe there aren't other avenues open as well if we can't get a trip to Switzerland out of it. I think our QC knows what he's doing.

This weekend was the opening shots in the propaganda war. Firstly, the Informer piece was a Ryman League source coming out fighting, and basically showing the league's hand. Either somebody was speaking out of turn, or the Ryman have effectively prejudiced themselves in the process. And you wonder why I have no faith in Wednesday. Still, thanks for the advance warning.

The Daily Mail mentioned it on Saturday, in a column well known for its influence (not taking the piss either). Then the NLP got involved. Front page news, leader article, letters and even the Alty chairman on our side. Shame about their goalie though, miserable git. The Ryman bods may not read the other two papers, but they'd certainly pick up the NLP. Wonder what they're thinking right now? Knowing our luck, they're probably enjoying the notoriety.

So, where do we stand right now? More importantly, where will we stand on Wednesday? We'll find out in due course, but I fully expect to be writing much more on this in the near future.

It's a shame that I've had to start with that over Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells 1 Annoyed of Morden 3, but it's typical that our collective minds are elsewhere. It might be hugely symbolic that the first half performance was the best opening 45 minutes this season. When even the short corners looked semi-decent, you knew it was going to be something.

It didn't start off too well when I saw Rosco....E walking back to his car. He didn't play for precautionary measures (he's got the dreaded lurgy, bit like what the editor is starting to come down with right now), but ultimately it didn't matter.

Truth be told, I hardly wrote notes as I wasn't really paying attention (I was more interested in checking my phone's battery power as I had to work afterwards), so this is all from memory.

Here goes...

Plus points: We won. Well. Away from home. The first 45 minutes. Most of the second 45 minutes. Crossing sublime. Fergie getting first goal. Looking like a team finally...

Minus points: Should have been more. Their penalty.

The referee's a......: Actually, he weren't too bad. He gave us a few free kicks anyway.

Them: Did this lot really take us to the wire on the previous two games? They were complete horse cack defensively, and looked pretty shellshocked at the end of it. A couple of their fans seemed quite disapproving of us, obviously the stereotypes of people from that part of the world aren't entirely untrue. Bet they wrote complaining letters to the Daily Express afterwards about declining moral standards. Couple of predictable chants from their support, you know the one. Usual non-plussed reaction from us. Hint : best keep quiet and be thought of as a fool, etc. Still, they're going to be giddy with excitement come Wednesday..

Point to ponder: OK, we're clicking into gear just as soon as the Ryman are about to slit our throats. Why? I wonder if it's because after Wednesday we'll have the biggest point to prove anywhere in the country? Consider the stats : we'll be 17 points off the playoffs, with a maximum of 45 to get. We won't get the 45 of course, but we would really, really have to aim for that last playoff spot. And could we do it? Depends on how we react - we responded by getting out of the FAT by two hammerings. This team looks hungry and more to the point it's annoyed.........

Truth is stranger than fiction: TA's golden goal seller. I would comment further but I value my bollocks.

Anything else? Yeah. How much do you think I could get down the bookies on G&N winning the FA Trophy?

So, was it worth it? Yeah, in a "this is how it could have been" manner.

In a nutshell: I'll be glad when Wednesday is over.

1 February 2007

Yes, I know I haven't written up ETU from Tuesday. Basically, I've been firing off emails left, right and centre to various parts of the world. I've had one rejection so far from FourFourTwo, got another couple in the pipeline (ideas, not rejections. Not yet anyway), and been in initial contact with World Soccer. Although their website is shit. So at least you can't accuse me of being lazy for once ;)

Very quick ETU report : we won 4-0. Shite first half. Gave them an arsewhipping in the second half so severe that if filmed it would be stored under the counter at one of those strange shops in Germany with "erotik" on them. Whatever they are, I've never been in one. Their keeper looked like David James and handled like him. Goddard is good, so is Steve Ferguson. We're now three points or so away from top spot, which almost certainly means we'll lose to the posh pikeys at Tonbridge on Saturday.

Right, onto everyone's favourite subject : the brutal harrassment and victimisation by the authorities on AFCW, also known as the IC saga. To be honest, I'm not going to write much more after today on this, because there won't be much more to say until after Wednesday.

As I write this, the acting CEO has asked for many an example of how other clubs in similar situations have had fines and no more than three points deducted. And boy, has he got plenty to wade through (don't send him any more unless you really haven't seen it anywhere else).

Legally, all the examples given - and they are many and varied - should stand up in our favour. One club in Wales had practically the same problem as us and yet only got a fine. That should be the end of the story - some dosh out of the kitty, maybe a couple of points deducted if you're unlucky but no more.

The trouble is, I still fear the worst for Wednesday. Why? One word : Altrincham. By AFCW's own words last Thursday, the FA are "cracking down" on any and all minor incidences. It's obvious why they do it, and I'm not going to let them give me a stroke in explaining why. And where the FA leads (cough), the leagues follow.

I'm not too sure of the age of these examples, but I seriously hope they weren't used by the authorities in the Alty case to justify their points deduction. Previous punishments too lenient, dear boy. If they're seeing three point deductions as a maximum, why weren't Alty just deducted the same? I don't know the real ins/outs of that particular saga, but either Alty presented their case appalingly and gave themselves no chance, or they were the first to be "made an example of". For our sakes, I hope it's the former.

Obviously, unless we just got a fine and (at worst) 3 points, it will continue waaaaaay after Wednesday. I would certainly accept that punishment as a good result, it's after all what we should get. Let's face it, it's not as though we're even trying to pretend we didn't make a mistake. Mind you, it would be highly ironic if we were to get the full whack taken off if we were top of the table for the first time this season.

One final thing : everything from now until Wednesday is idle speculation, which is why I'll stop writing about it here unless something new crops up. We don't even know what the setup will be for the hearing, except all we know is that the Ryman's people will be "independent". Which might stop the paranoid rumour that other clubs are putting "pressure" on the Ryman to kill us. They'd never do that, would they? But if the hearing featured 90 year old dribbling old farts clutching well thumbed rulebooks, gleeful Ks fans doing "Easy" chants over our carcasses and a naked Peter Wanklemann, it may be difficult to raise an eyebrow....