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NEWS
31 July 2003
When I agreed to write up a match for REPD, I hoped for a multi-goal thriller. What did I get? You guessed it: Hamlets 3, Thigh-rolled Havanas 0. This was one of the least inspiring AFCW games I've been to. Dulwich probably won the first half on points, although little of note occurred. Ten minutes into the second half, they scored two soft goals. A third came later, with the Dons in some disarray. It could have been worse: their number 9 missed a couple of chances (one a Tony Cascarino-like blast over from two yards) and Gavin Bolger did all he could to score an own goal before heading wide.
Plus points: Well, the weather was mild. Okay, so maybe I'm being a bit harsh. There were only a couple of AFCW regulars in the team, with the majority being trialists, so you couldn't expect it to be Carshalton all over again. As for the individuals on show, Dobbo showed some silky skills but not much else and Gav tried his best.
Nul points: On last night's performance, I'm not expecting many of the players present to be starting against Feltham. I suppose we learned some minor things: the off season hasn't done anything for Mark Nicholas's waistline, Ryan Gray was bundled off the ball worryingly easily, and Leon White - who played up front - is probably better suited to defence. So, after Carshalton, reality strikes.
The referee's a....: Cheese-eating surrender monkey. Again, I'm being a bit harsh. Some of the challenges of the Dulwich players deserved more than a little talking to, even though it was a friendly, but he kept the game under relatively successful control.
Them: I just can't get over their pink shirts. A few of their fans were wearing them too. I don't think I would.
Points to ponder: I spent £7 to watch a dismal pre-season game between a bunch of trialists, most of whom are unlikely to figure in an AFCW team next season. It wasn't really value for money. More importantly, it's difficult to see what positives Terry can take from playing a team that's made up of people who basically haven't played together before. I could have told him it was going to be a disjointed mess, giving little opportunity for players to shine. It's my belief that you need to test players against the backbone of the first team - that's the only way to see if they can make it as part of the team. Not doing so is selling the players, and the punters, short.
Singing: Hello ... hellooo.... helloooooo [echo]. I've heard more singing in Trappist monastery.
Truth is stranger than fiction: Did someone really say that this game sucked more than Monica Lewinsky on a cigar? And did you know that there's a road called Plough Lane in East Dulwich?
Anything else: Some kid living in the house backing on to the far side of the ground has at least seven balls in his garden, including one that cleared a fifty-foot tree. Sadly, his dad has to fix a totally fucked greenhouse.
So, was it worth it?: God yes. It's only because I've mixed antibiotics and lager that I'm grumpy. Even today beat the Premier League hands down.
In a nutshell: Happiness isn't a cigar called Hamlet.
26 July 2003
We
came, we saw, and unfortunately it ended up Stiffies 1 Horns
4. Well, in truth it was probably a fair reflection of the game,
though it must be said we really did take them on for the whole
90. The gulf in class between us and their reserve side (no Ardley,
Gayle or TB sadly, which left some pretty miffed) was obvious :
if Leatherhead and Dorchester showed we could do it against teams
two levels above us, then today showed what happens against those
at least 6 or 7. Most of Watfords goals (except the 4th which looked
100 metres offside) were due to defensive errors, and plenty were
giving Ray Merry stick. Still, we kept going, and our goal through
Bolger was genuinely deserved.
Other than that? Well....
Plus points: We scored. Pressured well. Put some nice movements together
Minus points: Defence looks shit. GK position weakest. Men vs Boys on occasions.
The referee's a ...... : Anyone remember that ref who used to come from Bookham (or was it Great Bookham?) that John Motson made the SAME crap joke every single time? Well, it was him. He did give some decisions in our favour, amazingly. Linesman one Mr Fish, and suffice to say managed to miss two blatant keeper-out-of-area decisions. Plus ca change, as they say in various parts of Germany.
Them: Sadly, no obvious first teamers, in fact probably a majority of them their youth team. Which as said before should put them at least 4 or 5 levels higher than us to begin with. They all looked about 14 regardless. Few Horns turned up, though Vile took more than they did. Having QPR vs Watford wasn't going to bring in the crowds at KM. They did seem to be put out a bit whenever we pressed, and against a better team than us their goalie will struggle (somebody suggested that he would be in the Ryman before us). I reckon that our players are more well known than theirs, though there was somebody called Scott Fitzgerald playing up front for them...
Point to ponder (1) : When was the last time we had a designated home pre-season friendly? Last I can remember was either 1985 or 1986. Been a l--o--n--g time certainly. I think we lost that as well.
Meeja whore: Your humble and esteemed editor getting interviewed in his Cork City top for Sky Sports AND appearing in Womble Underground Press as well. No autographs please.
Sing me a song, you're
a singer: Couple
of ditties being vocally expressed with passion. Nice to see the
Champagne Song back, though the rather large "WHORE" at
the end of the song did startle. One of their number was likened
to somebody who masturbates, but apart from that it was a little
bit silent. Nice to see the Grolsch John Smiths stand take
their usual inspiration from a well-known piliar of the religious
establishment, though I think they could have chosen better than
trappist monks. Oh, and "5-4, we're going to win 5-4"
did push the optimism barrier further than what is deemed legally
safe.
Point to ponder (2) : When was the last time it rained at a game at KM? Seriously, I don't recall it raining once last season. Granted, it got a little bit chilly down the hardcore Athletics End, where you are immediately primed for arctic conditions. Not like you namby-pamby lot down the cosy West Bank with your quaint little roof. Weather? Wouldn't know it if it came up and hit you on your over-protected faces. Pah...
Millie Dowler Fund: At the end of the day, it was all in a good cause etc, and 2059 pledging £12059 (did they add a "1" on the end of that or what?) was nice. Good to see her family enjoying the occasion, though having O2 sponsoring it was a little bit too subtle for many people.
Point to ponder (3): I wonder if teams like Watford should send their reserve sides out to play in levels like the CCL? OK, perhaps Watford would walk it, but even so, putting them in somewhere like Ryman Premier wouldn't hurt them or other sides. Especially with this restructuring malarkey. The rate things are going, plenty of talent will be playing in the non-leagues soon enough anyway.
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Looks like they've got some decent catering finally. The foot long sausage looked edible enough and the tea didn't taste like it was 4 days old. (2) Overhearing some young kid yelling "Oh yeah, I love your bum - not". In the words of the Avalanches, that boy needs therapy..... (3) Meeting two prospective female partners of the SW19 readership, proving that you can read this site AND get laid at the same time. Does not however work if you are the editor of this site. I think I must scare women. (4) Speaking of the female section of our fanbase, the ladies performed before the game and then went around afterwards, panting, sweating and asking for money. I'm told there was a ladies football game as well.
Franchise FC watch: Christ, them again. Right, they beat Torquay 1-0 and 13 of their remaining gimps went. Wankelmann is bailing them out of the Hockey Stadium fiasco, so looks like the hockey people have predictably dropped their trousers and bent over obediently after all. Their first game up there could be ....... Cardiff. Buy shares in MK-based double glazing companies now. Meanwhile, another stealth game, this time up in NI against Glentoran. Typically, the IRA are on ceasefire and the UDA/UFF/LVF/UVF/IVF/MFI/RUC etc are testing their weapons against each other, so no likely nobbling of various people. Work is being done up in Belfast, so there may be hope yet.
Anything else? Aye. Basically, the reason why we're here in the CCL and Watford's players are playing for a first div outfit is that they can shoot whilst we slice it. That's the major difference.
So, was it worth it? Suppose so, the Dowlers did very well certainly.
In a nutshell: Can't remember the last time I saw a game soaking wet, getting cold and watching us get stuffed off the park.
Meanwhile, the new CCL fixtures are out, and it's caused a bit of irritation in some quarters. Why? Well, firstly, we're playing Feltham at the Chernobyl Bowl first game, after that particular little fixture was announced a couple of weeks ago unofficially. Some reckon it's because the Feltham chairman also happens to sponsor the CCL, though I suppose if any of us were in the same boat we wouldn't have the moneyspinner team to ourselves first game. Wouldn't we?
Anyway, obvious modern football commercialisms aside, seems like having 8 out of however many games at KM in the evening is causing problems. It's reckoned that losing £5k per midweek game, not to mention lack of JD, merchandising etc etc can bugger us up. My opinion is this : we will be playing a grand total of, er, 3 more games in the evening than last year. And we managed all right then. Ultimately, we don't make the decisions of when we play, and while I suspect some KM evening games will be moved anyway, I suppose it is "proper" to have the league making the final decisions as opposed to powerful, over-mighty exterior bodies. Been there, done that, got the Commission report. Some people are crying foul already though, though are you really surprised that it's been worked in such a way that it's going to get money out of us? If you are then you could be considered very horribly naive.
In truth, I suspect that most people will still go to most of the games, and I doubt if attendances (read : revenue) will drop THAT much more than normal. Yes, midweek home games can be a pain on occasions, but they're generally easier to get to anyway. If you don't like it, quite simply don't put your money in. Worked before - I didn't like paying £2 for Y&B last season, so I didn't buy it. The fact it finished low down in the best non-league programme table is probably not the curse of SW19 - and let's face it, earning £1m in 3 weeks isn't going to make people think we're going to go broke anytime soon.
One final thing, isn't it more advantageous for the team to not have to travel to somewhere like Merstham in the evening?
20 July 2003
Hooray,
it's back. No, the football I mean (what else were you thinking
of?). Anyway, typical meaningless pre-season friendly or not, Dorchester
0 Travelodge 3 was one of the best team performances by any
Wimbledon side I've seen for many a year. Seriously. I think it
was made better by the fact that Dorchester were about 2-3 divisions
higher than us, playing a mostly first team as well and to be honest,
we outplayed them. First goal was a bit of defensive mixup (IIRC)
with JS netting, conveniently ignoring his handball. Second goal,
again by JS, was more well worked stuff, and the third goal was
a good header by the man who redefined the phrase "more power
to your elbow", one Danny Oakins.
Other than that? Well....
Plus points: We won. Away. To a team a lot higher than us. Leon White could be the new John Fashanu (hopefully minus the match fixing, pro-franchising and generally becoming a parody of himself). Defence looked dead solid.
Minus points: Should have scored six
The referee's a ........ : New season, same old bollocks. He managed to miss a bit, though he did provide us with one of the more surreal moments late in the game. See "Truth" below.
Them: Despite the road from the M27 to the ground making the N-roads in Ireland look like the M25, nice little place. Nice new ground, actually making an attempt to be aesthetically pleasing. They were pretty happy with our turnout and were quite impressed with our play. Bloody well hope so as well. Incidentally, there is a big Tescos next door, in a model akin to what I imagine Denbigh North to look like (though the Dorchester model has a lot more landscaping and a community to boot). Apparently, Tesco could be building on their ground so the supermarket giant has to find them another place in Dorchester to play AND build them a bigger ground. Hmm, wonder if we should cultivate Wal-Mart to do the same for us? There aren't many supermarkets around Kingston and Merton could do with a new stadium....
Quotes: (1) "Are you trying to fuck him?" - sexually repressed Womble (no, not me) commenting on an on-ground tussle between two players. Right.... (2) "He's very photogenic despite that fucking haircut" - slur on 1970s Drummer Womble (happily posing on the photo to your top left). Hey, these rock stars aren't just successful for their musicianship.
Song sung blue: Motivated by the occasion, and doubtless plenty of scrumpy, a group of buoyant Wombles raided their stand and gave an impassioned rendition of "Everywhere We Go" (X Wiggins version) along with many others. Predictably, as the game wore on the singing became a little less passionate, a bit more drawn out and eventually slumbered into nothing. Doubtless, the travelling from London to Dorset took its toll on the hardy vocalists.
Point to ponder: Mentioned yesterday, worth mentioning here. Aren't non-league pre-seasons competitive? There were plenty of hard challenges going in yesterday certainly.
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Towards the end, the ref collapsed due to severe cramp and had to be taken off. With the image of the ref on the floor with legs apart looking like something from a German gay porn film (apparently) or a pro-wrestling style figure-four leglock, the ref was stretchered off to a rousing reception. So to speak. Anyway, we needed a lino and Nicky English (who according to CUNW looked more like Dennis Lowndes. A lot more like Dennis Lowndes) came on and did the flag waving duties. As he was lining the end we were defending, the amount of offsides given rose significantly. (2) Why was there a guy with a Palace top at the game? (3) Being charged £6.50 (or was it £7.50?) for entrance. No, I've no idea why either. (4) The return of Panda Pops cola to your local football ground. And yes, it's still true that if you suffer from any sugar intolerance or diabetes, one swig of it will kill you.
Anything else? Yes. Why is every town in Dorset prefixed or suffixed with "puddle" or "piddle"? Oh, and I went through a place called Morden yesterday, which needless to say was typically full of gap toothed idiots, products of incestuous relationships, all with slack jaws and whose only motivation in life is to drink cheap alcohol and to fight at random. The Morden in Dorset isn't much better.
So, was it worth it? Aye.
In a nutshell: Nice to be back I suppose.
Coincidentally, the share issue raised its projected £1m-by-last-Friday target, seemingly through solely fan-based contributions. Which considering the rather iffily timed launch and no sight of the TBWA ad beyond the internet is a an even more pretty amazing achievement. Now, this is where the hard work starts, and thankfully it's not just me saying it either. The much needed external help is about to kick in : TBWA ad looks like it's finally going to be aired on some satellite stations which might have been its original intention anyway. Though it seems it was heavily reliant on the £1m being raised beforehand, which IMO was an un-necessarily high risk strategy. Still, it worked.
As it stands, officially about another £1m-1.25m needs to be raised, though realistically another £2m needs to be found. I'd love to see who could sponsor the Athletics End....
13 July 2003
Fun and games all round
: the Volkstadion Fans Stadium share issue has raised half
the necessary deposit, though with a week to go it's going to need
some serious increases in receipts for it to avoid the shortfall
many fear. Can you imagine the cries of anguish if the cheques got
returned?
Now, I don't quite know what is going to happen should the £1m not be raised, but two things seem clear : firstly, looks like AFCW fans will have to keep digging deep in their pocket for a while longer. Which needless to say could seriously start to piss off people if they get seen as a permanent cash cow - goodwill is very difficult to gain and very easy to lose. Secondly, no matter what gets raised, it proves what spending power AFCW can rely on. Supposing the issue raises £800k, that is £800k that can be called upon by AFCW regardless - in other words, it's "there". Hopefully whatever is raised will show AFCW what it can - and just as importantly what it can't - do. My suspicion is that most people will tell AFCW to keep the money raised, and there won't be any official need to return cheques.
Following on from the "cash cow" comment, even if the £1m is reached, there is still £1m at least to be raised after that, and this is where things will get interesting. As repeated so many times on here, t's looking more and more likely that if only to release the burden on AFCW fans some major form of sponsorship will need to be found. As KM has now officially been rebranded the Fans Stadium (though most people will still call it KM), I can't see a proven money-spinner like stadium naming rights happening. For a start, having a corporate name next to something as municipal sounding as the Fans Stadium doesn't quite seem right. Not to mention the likely (and potentially very damaging) charges of hypocrisy. AFCW could of course drop the Fans Stadium name and simply have [xx] Stadium at Kingsmeadow or something, though it wouldn't do their "community" boasts much good.
So with that avenue seemingly shut off, where else can AFCW raise the dough? Granted, stadium advertising hoardings will bring in the money, though don't forget AFCW still needs money to run itself anyway, so I would guess that's where that particular source will go. Expect some pride to be swallowed.
My own feeling is that the £1m will just about be raised, though it won't be by a significant amount. I fully expect to be proven wrong though now I've said that :) Meanwhile, if you are as financially astute as Worldcom's accountants and you want an explanation of what it's all about, best check here, though if any of it is wrong, don't blame WISA....
Onto some more totally acceptable systematic abuse of Franchise : unfortunately, it looks like they're about to survive due to Wankelmann and his £5m from Asda. Well, perhaps - they absolutely HAVE to go to MK, which means no groundsharing at somewhere like Northampton and no remaining at Selhurst. So, where can they go? Denbigh is still in brown-envelope-to-MK-Council stage, and the NHS (the hockey stadium, not the health service) would need to do a u-turn that even Tony Blair would be embarrased by. Wankelmann himself has said that Franchise is "technically dead", so expect more to happen soon.
Actually, and though the guy is unspeakably prickish, Wankelmann buying Franchise could - from our point of view - be the best thing to happen. On three fronts as well. Firstly, those who went to the 3CR thing in MK a little while ago reckon that Wankelmann would immediately change the name to MK City or something, and would willingly give us the history etc back. Secondly, Wankelmann is considered a complete business failure. He allegedly burnt down Great Linford Manor for insurance purposes, and it seems that currently, if you go to GLM to record your album it's a surefire way of proving that your career is heading down the pan. Last people I know to record there were Mrs Beckham and some non-entities called the Cooper Temple Clause. Who? Exactly.
Third reason, and on a purely spiteful level, it means that Koppout is shut out of his dream move. Just think, he put his reputation on the line, he pissed us all off to the point that anyone with a slight Unabomber bent will be considering redefining the word self-abuse. He fucked his marriage up, he fell out with Fat Nazi Hauger (who is now committing corporate fraud in Boston apparently), fell out with his pimps R&G and he STILL didn't get the MK gig. Laugh? I'm trying hard not to. He's now reportedly buggering off to South Africa, having failed with an £8m bid for Franchise. I know I should wish Koppel well in his future endeavours, but in truth I hope his car gets car-jacked in downtown Joburg and is brutally gang-raped by two men with HIV. And then he gets a cold.
One final thing, it looks like Franchise will be a purely MK club, which is why Wankelmann is trying to get it. It fits in, if the stories at Watford last season are anything to go by. Reportedly, existing Franchise fans were getting a torrid time from the MK fans who considered it "their" club and the original fans were intruding....
3 July 2003
And for once, a bit of better news from Merton, London Borough of. You'll have to click here for it, and like the last time you'll need to digest it.
Back? Good. If you think that the somewhat impassioned plea from a couple of days ago, with the (much more likely to be effective) harrassing of local councillors was un-necessary, you'd probably be mistaken. What the past 48 hours has reminded us is that if we pressure Merton we CAN get things done. This has been a wake up call for all of us, and it was quite impressive how people got it together so quickly. Judge's comments on the press release seem to be motivated by how stung he got with the criticism plenty were giving him and his council. Even he knows he can't afford to piss us off.
Perhaps even more promising, AFCW gets to work its FITC magic without the total onus falling on us. Firstly, T&M will be involved as well which takes the pressure off, and secondly LBM will be helping us out for a couple of years to get established. Which, if the previous FITC schemes are anything to go by, is very promising indeed. That the FITC (AFCW version) has many old FITC (WFC version) staff on it is a good indicator of its success : remember that the FITC was the only thing Franchise ever did right.
Of course, we now need to start putting the pressure on Merton again.....
1 July 2003
Have you read here yet? If not, do so before reading on.
Read it now? Good. OK, here's the SW19 take on it. Following the news that the Joseph Hood was NIMBYed, it looks like moves are afoot for the Crown House brigade to once again do a team called Wimbledon in the sensitive dangly bits. And while the original story has since moved on and there won't be a decision made just yet, it raises serious questions of priorities.
Making Fulham firm favourites for the FITC is a slap in the teeth for everyone involved with the AFCW Junior Dons thing. In its first year it has done very well, and while I fully understand that it may be a bit too soon to fully take charge, perhaps doing what (deeeeep breath) MK council did with Franchise's equivalent and take it over for an interim period. What links do Fulham have with Merton? How many Fulham fans are there in Merton? Will Fulham actually exist in 2-3 years time? It doesn't make sense at all, and for Merton to let it go as far as it has is a bit too much to take.
Now, some are already saying that given this scenario we should give up Merton once and for all, and jump fully into bed with Kingston Council. To my mind, doing that is akin to just giving up the fight on Franchise. It's unfinished business, and those in some tall 50s building in SM4 are as much responsible for us having to form AFCW as a South African lawyer with highly malformed retinas. It's ALWAYS dangerous to rely on local councils to do anything, to lead the way. Kingston may be run by those nice, well-adjusted, placid, touchy-feely Liberal Democrat type people, but I bet they could right royally fuck us over given half the chance and sufficient motivation. In a nice, well-adjusted, placid and touchy feely manner, needless to say. If we close the door on Merton because of this, we would have repeated what Hammam did in 1994 when he "divorced" the council. It was wrong then and is wrong now. It makes us look like the losers in all this, and spiteful ones at that.
So, what is Merton up to? Those of us who live in Merton will know that they're a shambles at the best of times. But really, what is their mentality over this? They were very lucky to win last time, and they only gained one new councillor because some councillor in Raynes Park received a brown envelope to jump ship. Allegedly. Either they know that they'll probably get kicked out next time, hence the wrecking policy, or they really have lost what little plot they had in the first place. Look at the amount of AFCW stickers in cars around, and LBM are committing suicide by pissing us off. It's a shame that there aren't so many AFCW fans in Mitcham and Pollards Hill, which is the bedrock of Labour's support in Merton (Labour got practically wiped out in SW19/SW20 and SM4). Perhaps anyone about to move house should, ahem, start investing in the Mitcham area. Purely for reasons of property prices, of course.
This whole thing also makes me wonder just how sincere they were over MK : it didn't go un-noticed at SW19 Towers that as soon as the last local elections were over LBM went very quiet. Anyone persuaded to keep the current incumbents in would be easily forgiven for feeling they were used in such a way. It took WISA a bit of nagging to get Judge to make a post-MK comment, whereas before they were Rent-A-Quote. Particularly galling when SW19 overheard after an MK post-match protest by two people from Merton Council, "At least we're being transparent over this".
So what? Well, we'll discuss what to do at the next elections when the time comes, though I do like the idea of forming our own political party. Hell, I might even put my name forward for that. In the meantime, I think it's time for direct action against Merton. Previously, I think I mentioned about winning over the NIMBYs in Merton - if I didn't, I'll state it clearly : we will only get anywhere with the support of the locals. We can use LBM's legendary incompetence to our advantage - after all, if the NIMBYs are doing this as a way of getting at LBM, let's work with them. Common enemy and all that. Are Merton our enemies? Well, their actions have proven that they aren't our friends.
Of course, we shouldn't trust anyone of a political hue, and anything we want to do will have to be done ourselves. Yes, that is the sound of a broken record you're hearing.
Meanwhile, Franchise returned to training today. No sign of Koppout. Reportedly, their water cooler got repossessed (stop laughing). They weren't allowed to train either as there was no insurance available, and the players looked slightly POed. Their exodus could be starting - Connelly's been linked with Reading, and Reo-Coker and McAnuff might be on their way to Pompey after all. Keep watching...