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NEWS
27 March 2004
So,
looks like a potential banana skin was not only avoided, but picked
up off the street and neatly disposed of in the nearest waste paper
basket. As Curry 0 Chinese 4 suggests, things have really gotten
a bit too easy : yet again, we weren't totally in top gear but given
that that the opposition hardly had anything to offer us it was one
of the better performances of recent times. It's as though we collectively
know that we could slip up, and no matter how good we are, a losing
run at this stage of the season could be disasterous. So, the goals
: first goal by KC, buggering up my Golden Coops ticket (44 mins,
it's a swindle..). Second goal by Bolger after nice work again by
KC.
Rumours of KC's demise under NE appear to be greately exaggerated. 3-0 through Jamie Taylor, described as "Maradona-esque" - presumably it was done using a handball and high on coke. And I missed the fourth goal, so don't ask who scored it
As for the rest of it...
Plus points: Clean sheet. Scoring good goals. Jones Banfo (or is it Bamfo?) coming on, and acting like a rampant jack russell terrier. Kept going even when 3-0 up. Looking much more on-form again.
Minus points: Shit journey. And that was by car.
The referee's a......: Oh boy, seemed a little bit intimidated when Southall started to act like, well, Southall....
Them: Looked like the Sunderland team in the 1970s, started to act like the Sunderland fans in the 70s when the game was lost. OK, they weren't nearly like the team most likely to injure the entire CCL staff like they were last season but they still showed occasional glimpses. Saw a Southall St Georges Cross flag, and apparently they had a coachload turn up from their home town. Of course, nobody cared about any of that, because........
Currying
favour: Back by popular demand, the finest Indian food this side
of, er, Southall. £5 for extremely edible chicken curry, pilau rice
and a veg samosa was most pleasant, and it was so popular that by
about half time they were down to the vegetarian curry. Did a nice
cup of tea as well. In case you ever want something similar at KM,
the reason it's not happening at the moment is down to a current lack
of back bar space, which should be sorted when they find a proper
merchandise place. Or so our Commercial Director says anyway...
Point to ponder: Wasn't the fact that Chesham's ground was quite decent more condusive to a better atmosphere? Forget the relatively poor attendance (public transport fucked), it just felt better being somewhere that gave the impression it had been designed for more than 10 people.
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The sight of a steward chucking out something in an Asda bag. I offer no comment as to what was more offensive. (2) The Southall goalie wore tracksuit bottoms which made him look like Jones B's anorexic brother. (3) Wasn't the view of the Chilterns behind the goal majestic?
Franchise
watch: Lost 2-1 to Ipshit Down. It appears that they could even
be one or two games away from the second division next season. It's
a shame that our games are likely to clash with this hilarious
sad event, would have been worth a day out to do a bit of non-vindictive
grave dancing.
Anything else? Yeah, just a little comment from me. For those who think I'm being too negative as of late, hope you read this report properly this time......
So, was it worth it? Yup. Best performance for a while, and it really is in our hands now. Even the FA couldn't find something to fuck us over yet again. Surely? Surely?
In a nutshell: As a buddist would say, it's good Korma.
24 March 2004
By
scientific calculations, we only need something like 6 wins and a
draw to become champions. And if Home of Darts 1 Home of Merton
Parkas 3 is anything to go by, it can't come soon enough. If I'm
really being honest, the intellectual rigourous debates about religion,
credit cards and certain car parks to be avoided (or not) was more
interesting than the actual game. And here is the trouble. I didn't
actually know that yesterday's game was on until last Saturday, when
somebody told me it was on. I think lethargy and complacency has set
in, and even so we still end up winners. It may sound Willy Sizeable
Scrotum to complain about a 50 game winning streak, but even a Good
Thing like stuffing all in sight can get a bit, well, much.
And no, this
lethargy isn't down to me being late with the update. So, we went
1-0 up thanks to a seriously nice shot by Gav Bolger. We're talking
edge of area stuff here. Or at least I think it was, knowing my vantage
point it was probably a tap-in. Then, in keeping with AFCW 2004, we
went to sleep, thinking we'd sown up the game, they came back and
it was 1-1. This was after 5 minutes. Sadly the match didn't become
a free-flowing exhibition of the beautiful game that we so love and
cherish. In fact, it was more of a turgid pile of shit. Well, it probably
wasn't, but as the pitch looked like something even Wallingford would
have turned their yokel noses up at, it wasn't going to be a classic.
We went 2-1 ahead thanks to a pretty bloody good run by Sully, slotting
it at the by-line for Dobo to net. And I suppose that really was that,
although in the second half KC netted via a good old fashioned load
of idiots trying to clear or kick it and failing scramble.
Got that? Good, I'll be asking questions later. Meanwhile...
Plus points: Well, we won I suppose. Gav's goal sublime.
Minus points: Defence still shit.
The referee's a.....: Did he do much? Not too many calling for him to be sent the same way as a Bromley safety officer, so I suppose he did OK.
Them: Nice enough people as it goes, they had stewards with radios. Well, OK, it was Camberley Town's yellow jacket brigade, but still.
PCC Cup (boxing division) update: Two things. Firstly, the guy who collapsed at Bromley died yesterday morning. Not a particularly pleasant way to go, though I suppose most of us would be happy to pop our clogs at a game. Either that or die shagging. Secondly, rumours abound about where the replay will be. I doubt if it'll be at Bromley somehow. Credible rumours have included Sutton, Whyteleafe, T&M and - wait for it - Shitehurst. None of those would bother me, and I'm perverse enough to want to go back to SE25. The CCL are meeting tonight, so by the time you read this at work on Thursday, it might have been decided.
Point to ponder: If this game was moved to Camberley for better facilities, what must Frimley's ground be like?
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Outside the ground, there was a chippy. It served some of the nicest saveloy and chips I have ever tasted anywhere, let alone at a sports venue. (2) Patrons of the bar being asked to leave an hour before kickoff (that's the kickoff on the pitch, not the Coney Hall type kickoff), enter the ground and resume their drinking in said bar after they entered. Now, who could argue with that logic? (3) Patrons of the bar being served a wide selection of Selhurst-issue Carlsberg plastic bottles or Pepsi. And that's it. Reportedly, Camberley had a bit of grief with the brewery so decided to nip down to the local Makro and nab as many cheap bottles of decent stuff as they could. Also, the pubs in Camberley were closed. Our reputation preceeds us...
Question: Who scored our second goal? I know the answer, but I did say up the top I would be asking questions later....
Anything else? Dunno. Must say, I really don't like the unlit bits of the M3 at night
So, was it worth it? Well, yes, in a loyal sort of way. Honestly thought we were going to come a cropper though. I can feel it in my water.
In a nutshell: So, when do we become champions?
17 March 2004
(note: I am prepared to remove these photos if there is any legal reason to do so. I will not remove them for any moral purposes. For the record, apart from some Coney fan eyeing me up and me being restrained because of it - tempers were frayed - I was not involved in anything at all)
I've had a night's sleep, come to this computer afresh and I still can't get my head around the abandoned game. For those who don't know, us and Coney had our game called off by the ref in extra time (it was 2-2) when a massive fight broke out behind the dugout. As there was no police and no stewards in a crowd reported to be 2700 (yes, you read that right), with alcohol being on open sale and being sold indiscriminately (yes, you read that right), there was bound to be problems.
From the moment I stepped in and saw lots (about 50) of Coney shirts about, I had a feeling that something was going to happen. From the Elton John playlist on the PA, to the £8 entrance fee, this was one of those games which didn't feel right. Bit like Wallingford last year.
Things started off OK, we went 1-0 up then they equalised. There was some banter, "Get a girlfriend, Wimbledon" by them, followed by "Get a boyfriend, Coney Hall", to them. All a bit cheeky, but nothing that untowards. They tried a "Milton Keynes" chant which isn't a bright move....
Then, I saw an ambulance come in, and some very frantic looking people. A Bromley fan collapsed, with blood from his mouth, and was receiving lots of CPR. The ambulance came and with the usual rumours (it was one of ours, it was a female, it was a heart attack), and it left a lot subdued. I thought the person was dead.
The game ended up at 2-2 and I grabbed another drink from the bar. During the extra time, I noticed something happening behind the dugouts. A lot of people moving away very quickly. I have to admit, I should have stayed where I was but it was more of a rubbernecking exercise when you see a car crash. You just have to see what was happening. So I went behind the dugout. There were a lot of stunned people about, and the entire group of players looking at the group behind, causing the trouble. I didn't get involved, I was a bit het up but thankfully nothing more. I took some photos, tried to see what was going on (and overhearing some most interesting discussions), before realising that the players had gone off.
When they didn't come out again, we all gathered the game had been abandoned, and when the players DID come out, to shake hands and applaud us, that was that. Cue stunned silence, apart from the coppers who had finally turned up (and they only came because of a 999 call). Only bit of authority at that game prior to that was two coppers and one of the three stewards lifting a guy in the bar at half time. The phrase bolt, horse and door springs to mind.
Also, Ivor Heller got twatted. I kid you not.
As for the rest of it. Well, be warned, I feel a bit ranty at the moment, and quite frankly a few people need to be upset.
The guy who had a heart attack is, last I heard, still alive. Though with the amount of CPR being applied I didn't hold out much hope for him. Trust me, ambulance people are wonderful. I would like to say because of the quick responses of everyone, but in truth I believe it was despite everything. When you have to get an ambulance through your own mobile phone because the club wasn't able/willing to do it for you, that goes beyond every single bit of health and safety. I might expect not much support at Raynes Park Vale vs Chipstead (though I would bet that things would be done quicker at Grand Dive) but for a semi final with a team known for a large following, it's beyond reprehension.
If that had happened to me, or anyone I knew, I would be this morning down my solicitor planning to sue the fuck out of Bromley FC for sheer negligence.
So, why did it degenerate? Two main reasons : one, there was a laxness in stewarding/copper prescence. I counted no more than three people remotely like stewards. It ended up with one AFCW steward having to do unofficial duties for the night. And all because Bromley were being tight. Indeed, I believe that we offered stewards but were turned down.
As for the police, who were clearly pissed off, they claim that they weren't aware of the game going on until 8pm. Again, why didn't they know?
The other main reason was the alcohol on open sale. The PA, when not playing Elton John, telling where the toilets are and fucking off when a PA is needed most of all, was telling people that you could buy cans of Fosters/Cider from a kiosk, being served by girls who just wanted a quick buck. I hope I put that right. Plus the bar (which sold nice Guinness) was open right up until full time, you could take it outside etc etc. Now, we all know what alcohol can do, and I shudder to think how many regulations have been broken.
So now what? Firstly, the rammifications will be massive over this, I just hope that AFCW aren't given more punishment than we deserve. Secondly, Coney Hall and (more importantly) Bromley should be made to pay big time over this - you have a crowd of 2700 and no police? No stewards? Alcohol on open sale? Full of little pikey arseholes who probably went home afterwards and fucked their sisters? I think that the rearranged game should be behind closed doors : can you imagine us and their less-than-savoury element meeting up again? Failing that, there is no way it should be played at Bromley. Coney might wish it to be played at KM (which apparently they were keen to do), or at a ground seriously reduced in capacity. As a lot of the Coney lot were from Addington anyway, I would suggest in all seriousness the game should be played nowhere near there at all. Assuming they don't chuck us out
Secondly, and just as importantly, AFCW must publically realise that it has a hooligan element. Not a come-in-and-smash-the-place-up type of thing, as far as I know we don't have a firm as such, but we do have some (very) well known faces who got tangled up last night. I know that when similar happened at Wallingford the club's press statement about it seemed to deny that any of our fans were capable of fighting, when eye witness reports suggested otherwise. So we now have to be firm : get statements. Weed out the rats. Doesn't matter if they're 20 year veterans or 20 second hard men (ie, they're brave for about 20 seconds), do what Chelski used to do and publish names in the programme. Seen to be doing something and those tempted to large it up next time might think again (fully aware that the risk of provocation is very real).
If last night, Colne, Herne Bay etc is anything to go by, we are going to have to learn quick on how to handle opposition fans. We've been very fortunate in the last couple of years. A re-education is going to come whether we like it or not.
Thirdly, when you see families leaving immediately because they were looking scared, and when you hear people who came to their first game in ages, that's when you wonder. They won't be back. And why should they?
One thing is certain, thank fuck we're not playing Saturday
13 March 2004
Hey
ho, let's go. Another Saturday, another win, and in the end God
1 Allah 4 was too easy, though it wasn't the most entertaining
game I've tried to see. The action on the pitch, where relevant :
Scotty opened the scoring thanks to running on and slotting past the
goalie with his knee. You read that right. Typically, I missed their
goal, but I was being distracted by a female. Seriously. The second
half was a bit dull apparently. I say "apparently" but I couldn't
see a damn thing. All I know is that JS scored with a rather deft
backheel type thingy that we used to do in the school playground when
we tried to look skillful, and Everard netted as well. Don't ask me
how they looked, though I don't think I had the worst view.
Moving on...
Plus points: We won. Quite convincingly in the end.
Minus points: JS's injury. Conceding. Looked painful, but at least he lasted close on 90. Minutes, as opposed to seconds.
The referee's a......: Well, he wasn't Mr Fish, which was something. Then again, even Tony Blair officiating couldn't do much worse. And today's ref was, urm, well, er....
Them: Apparently a bit niggly, obviously having separate pitch entrances for the dressing rooms proves how endemic it seems to be. Kudos for the £5 entrance fee. Nice cup of tea as well. Special mention to the burger flipper, who congratulated us loudly (to sell his burgers) and reportedly even offered to cook for us if we went up. And they still have that female physio. Insert predictable comment about groin strains here.
Point to ponder: OK, today's game was crap, but as mooted by somebody else somewhere, how many evening games have we played? Lots. We've played twice a week for quite a few weeks now, and that surely must take its toll. After the inevitable loss we're going to have on Tuesday, I suggest the players and staff take a collective day off next Saturday. We're going to need it. And just think of the reward at the end of the season...
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) I am reliably informed that the first half made a group of Wombles talk about spelling mistakes on broadsheet newspapers. (2) The kids game behind the goal in the second half was more entertaining. Latest score seemed to be about 27-27. (3) Missing the proverbial non-league dog (an alsation, for you fact fans) doing the most exciting thing of the whole game and having a massive shit.
Franchise watch: Oh, do I have to? Lost to Walsall 1-0, 50 Frenzies there. Etc.
Anything else? Yes, thanks to the two people who lent me money for a cup of tea, thanks to the person who actually bought me a cup of tea (and who even phoned me to ask me if I took sugar). Even offered to hold it for me whilst writing down stuff for this report (and the tea).
So, was it worth it? Urm, dunno. Can't wait until we win promotion TBH
In a nutshell: Wake me up when it's over
11 March 2004
I
suppose that AFCW 1 AFCW 1 is what we can expect next year.
No, not being viciously attacked by the rival firm (see photo to left,
apologies for lack of focus), but how teams in higher divisions won't
be so in awe at our status. And it proves that AFCW can hold its own
in a higher division. But that's really it - holding our own - unless
there are some major purchases in the close season. Enjoy the stuffings
while they last. As for the game, we had the upper hand though the
Yokels could have nabbed it on the break. We opened the scoring with
Danny O, and could have had a couple more before they made it 1-1
with 10 minutes to go, thanks to our predictably laughable defence.
Oh well.
Plus points: Not losing. Standen getting better. Proving we don't look out of place at a higher level.
Minus points: Not winning. Still looking shaky in defence. Should really have won it.
The referee's a....: Ordinary CCL ref. Let's leave it at that, shall we?
Them: Right, let's get the old jokes out of the way. Farmers. Yokels. Common Agricultural Policy funding their away journies. Oooh Arr, ooh arr. Oi've got a brand new comboine aaarvester. Have you seen moi tractor? All good fun. I think. Anyway, by far and away the best CCL side seen this season, not that that's saying much. Is it true that one of their staff got gobbed on by one of our fans during the game?
Song sung blue: For once the West Bank decided to put its mouth where its money was (or something like that) and sung a couple of songs. Or at least make a noise. Methinks it's endemic of the season, and I just can't help thinking that people are preparing for next season. Course, we might start losing games...
Joe Sheerin Sweepstake: New SW19 game, which I don't think will be accepted by the club's fundraising team somehow. How long will he last the next game? Last night his body clonked out at 55 minutes. More fun than Goalden Goal, certainly.
Three's a crowd: About 2950 there, though seemed a lot more. Not going to comment further, obviously. Quite a few people who usually can't/won't get to evening games were there, proving the draw of competition is still there in the AFCW cockles. The hAE was shut off for 10 minutes in the second half for over-crowding, leaving me to go down the West Bank end. I am still having the rabies shots.
Spotted: Michael "MC" Harvey in the Main Stand. Wonder if he had a twinge of guilt? Hope so.
Point to ponder: Do Scotty and KC like each other?
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The KM bars having some decent plastic glasses for once. Made the Guinness taste just a little bit better. Or rather, not so tasting of the stuff that you find in pigs troughs. (2) Kick-off delayed for 15 minutes due to Wallingford turning up a bit late. Insert joke here, special prize to anyone who can resist anything relating to agriculture. (3) The AFCW ladies in the hAE in the first half. Just thought I'd mention it. (4) Playing our biggest, most hyped game of the season and not managing to lose it.
Franchise watch: I suppose I ought to laugh, but really it's like laughing at somebody in a special needs class. Minus the guilt factor.
Anything else? Yeah, kit #2 was selected. Needless to say, I'm not buying it but it does seem quite nice. Other designs should be t-shirts, because we don't seem to have many t-shirt designs. Just the kit and leisure apparel, namely sweatshirts and training tops.
So was it worth it? It was. It shows where we are in the learning curve, and this was a worse result for them than us.
In a nutshell: I can drive a tractor.
7 March 2004
Yes,
I know that it's late, and in keeping with most games now, I don't
think Refried Beans 5 Corn on Cob 1 is really going to excite
many people soon. It all started off as per usual, 1-0 thanks to Ryan
Gray. And then, a shock - in the second half, Cobham equalised. The
birds fell silent. Grown adults stood in shock. Kids started sniffling.
The government considered a national emergency before KC restored
our advantage. All was well with the world. Normal service resumed
with it being 3-1 thanks to KC again turning and shooting. A fourth
was added thanks to a rather kewl player called Jones Banfo. Crazy
name, crazy guy. He crossed it, Sidwell nailed it. The rout was complete
when yet another cross found the resurgent Paul Scott. Who needs JS?
Got that? Good, here's.....
Plus points: Will five goals do you? Plus that Jones Banfo fellow. Superb crossing.
Minus points: Even now I can't help thinking that our defence/goalie is about as iffy as Martha Stewart in a room with some Leicester City players.
The referee's a...... : Can't remember if he did anything untowards. Oh well. Think he missed a lino flag. Is it true that the fourth official's name was Ian Dury?
Them: Looked like AFC Wallingford. Seriously. Didn't look that bad, and probably deserved their goal. Like all other teams though, they really did look finished after we went 3-1 ahead.
Womble Aggro: (1) Seriously weird row between two Wombles down the hAE ten minutes before kickoff. Basically, I have never seen one guy so upset about failing to meet up with anyone before. Except for Koppout when he misses his giro cheques. (2) Even more weird "discussion" between chief steward and football playing kid. Plenty of "do you know who I am?" going about. Chief steward put it about a bit as well.
Point to ponder: Am I the only one having a nice nostalgic flashback to us having a good old tedious offside trap?
Truth is
stranger than fiction: (1) There was a TV camera crew there. No,
they weren't on behalf of BBC, or ITV or even C4 (and check out your
humble/esteemed editor on some C4 documentary about killing people
on Monday), and they weren't from Norwegian telly. No, they were in
fact a bunch of students from Bournemouth University, on a filmaking
course doing their final project. Basically, the brains behind this
idea is a football fan who supports Charlton and thought it was a
good idea to film us. Nice to see AFCW helping out a load of whinging
pot smoking trendy arseholes poor impoverished students. Either
that or it's a cheap way of filming for the end of season video. (2)
Plenty of handouts for Brighton's plight. Somehow, given that Prescott
is going to be deciding on Falmer, I'm just not convinced anything
short of renaming themselves Milton Keynes is going to do anything.
(3) That bloody hailstorm.
Franchise watch: I think we should congratulate them, as for once they managed to get through a Saturday without losing or humiliating themselves. OK, so they didn't play....
Anything else? Urm, not really. When do we get promoted?
So, was it worth it? Guess so.
In a nutshell: Watch out on Wednesday....
4 March 2004
I
wonder how many Wombles committed suicide after Waffles 0 Chips
0? Hopefully not too many, but last night had a deffo feel of
some games last season. Basically, we had a lot of possession, but
there was clearly a bet on to see how many times we couldn't hit the
target. Every shot, bar the one off the post, was so wide of the mark
it would form the basis for a government report. And to cap it all
off, Chipstead looked like they could have breached our defence a
couple of times. I can't help thinking that the metaphoric sticky
patch as mentioned last report is about to hit us, if it hasn't already.
Whether it's just the way football goes, or reality hitting us, or
even if the players are STILL POed about TE going I don't know.
But now is when our mettle will be tested, and while we're deffo good enough, this could be a trying few games for us. And we have the Yokels down next Weds. Urk.
Thankfully, I didn't have to write anything on the game, so....
Plus points: Well, we didn't lose.
Minus points: Shit shooting, usual crap defending
The referee's a...... : OK then everyone, you know what to do. Harrass his wife. Find out where his kids go to school, then set the local bullies on them. Spread rumours about his mother and Stan Collymore. Find out if he has a dog. If he hasn't, buy him one. Let the family take it to their hearts, cuddle and carress it until it becomes part of the family. Then kidnap it. Hold it to ransom, like Saddam Hussain used to do until he went hiding in bunkers. Get the mutt to bark its approval at the way you're treating it until that ref apologises for the worst performance I have seen from a ref since the notorious Mr Fish.
Them: I say it every time we play Chipstead, but as we may never play them again, I'll allow myself one last go. Don't Chipstead look like Glasgow Celtic? Unlike the Parkhead deities, they didn't lose last night and could have nabbed a couple themselves as our dormant defence was, well, dormant. Reportedly, one of their players gave an obscene gesture, which needless to say is not going to win friends. Also, anyone see their player totally fucking up a shot and acting like he'd been poleaxed afterwards? The Oscars were last weekend, pally....
Point to ponder: Will Joe Sheerin ever play a full 90 minutes again? This time, he went off because he got kicked, causing a new injury. If Ginge is our modern day Gareth Ainsworth, then JS is fast becoming the John Hartson of AFCW.
Truth is stranger than fiction: The match sponsors were the Wombelles, formerly known as Terry's Tarts. Obviously Femidoms didn't get past the AFCW PC Radar. I'm sure they had a good time, though one wonders if their selection of Seb as MOM was premeditated. It would be hazardous to my health to even remotely suggest there was more testosterone in the Sponsors Lounge than on the playing surface
Franchise watch: Oh, I need a good gloat. Nah, can't be arsed. At least Murdick has now twigged they're going down. Shame it was 6 months too late
Anything else? Yeah, am I the only one not too sure about our new goalie? Especially on the floor? Seems a bit on the slow side to me. Coincidentally, he was reportedly extremely embarrassed at all the people shaking his hand and wishing him well at HW last Saturday.
So, was it worth it? Urm, I like nostalgia trips so I suppose it was. I think.
In a nutshell: Some WD40 needed, perhaps.....