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NEWS
28 March 2005
We will be playing Ryman Premier football next season. Read it again. We will be playing Ryman Premier football next season. Looks good, doesn't it? Finally, we will get mentioned on Sky Sports Soccer Saturday. Finally, we'll be displayed on Sky Sports News and on their live scores service on the Internet. It seems right that we're going to be playing in a division that more people have heard of. It's now time we can justifiably get out the maps for next season. Where is Heybridge? What's the parking like at Wealdstone? How far is it to walk to Leyton FC from Leyton tube station? Don't worry, you've got until August to work these things out (though the answer to the Leyton question is 25 minutes. Trust me).
Now don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the CCL and I enjoyed R1. But this is better. This was a league that could have been very hard to get out of. But there were really very very few games this season where we were the worse side. OK, Slough, Hendon and Thurrock were quite one-sided, but you would expect that with the squad we had at the time.
Next season will be far more difficult, at least I hope it is. We all know what Slough did to us, and everything I've said in the past on this subject still stands more than ever. But promotion to these sort of levels is what is going to keep AFCW alive. We'll be playing teams who (sometimes) get 400 as opposed to 200. Looking at the map of the likely teams we'll be playing, I think we'll have to get used to Essex a bit more. So unless W&H and Horsham join us, don't expect too many trips into the comfy surroundings of Surrey.
One other thing, I bet that there are already some very happy bean counters at Ryman Premier clubs...
The game? Oh, that. Well, Going Up 3 Going Nowhere 0 was a performance that typified this season. Good when it needed to be, unspectacular when it didn't. The game was practically dead by 30 minutes. Steve Butler netted the first with a pretty nice strike. And yes, I know he scored the third goal against Banstead which I credited wrongly. Don't worry about it, the NLP forgot to credit my Woking v Scarboro report last week.
Second goal? Well, it was #4 for them who damaged Woolner to the point that he got carried off. Up stepped Sonny Farr, the man who sounds like a member of some American folk band, to slot home the free kick.
Half time came and went, and so did most of the second half come to think of it. I don't think we were going to go up another notch or two, though Leon MacDowell scoring thanks to some good work by Smeltz was the icing on the cake.
Finally, the whistle went and after a couple of minutes disappearing, the players did their now customary lap of honour. No champagne though, I think they nabbed a couple of Smirnoff Ices from the bar. Didn't think you could drink alcohol in sight of the pitch?
Anyway...
Plus points: Oh come on.
Minus points: I won't even mention Shane Smeltz's urgent need of a goal. Woolner's injury sucked though.
The referee's a.....: Another good thing about promotion is that we should get a better standard of refereeing in the RP. Stop laughing. This one left his guide dog and braille dictionary at home, and was described as being an "absolute cartoon". Quite. The most classic incident came when RB got a bit of a smack in the mouth, leaving him poleaxed. Despite this happening in full sight of the ref and linesman, nothing was done. At least RB had a little word with the linesman, namely one beginning with "f" and ending in "ucking".
Them: Looked like Celtic, played like Queen Of The South. Quite crap, really. Their #4 was lucky to stay on the pitch, though we all know why (see above). Didn't take that many, though there was a group of them in the JS stand. Walked past them and they appeared to have walked straight off the "Thirtysomething" set. Fuck, they were irritating. Meanwhile, kudos to their chairman, who's followed Wimbledon for 26 years and sounded like the guy who did the continuity announcements on the BBC's Home Service. Him and the club journo's dad probably did the commentary for the Coronation.
Point to ponder (1): Here's a strange one. Was it my increasingly shite hearing, or was the atmosphere today a bit muted? Even at 5 minutes to promotion, you could hear the players on the pitch. I know this season hasn't been the most thrilling, but I think we'll need to make the most of whipping all before us. Oh, and who else is slightly disappointed at a crowd of 3321? I would have hoped for 3.5k minimum. Those days of getting 4k+ against RP Vile seem long gone.
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Winning promotion for the second Easter Monday in a row. Do not be surprised to see no AFCW fixtures schedule for that day next season. (2) Realising that we've been top since the first day of the season. (3) Didn't staying behind afterwards have a touch of the Selhurst days? Incidentally, in a quiet moment of reflection, just remember how it was three years ago and how far we've fallen. Or perhaps more accurately, risen.
Point to ponder (2): Of those who finished the game today, how many of them will be in the starting XI come the first game in the RP in August?
Anything else? Well, nobody ran onto the pitch, or streaked or anything. Interesting to see when JS was introduced, he got an almighty cheer. Presumably we're recognising perhaps I think the only player still with us from those original trials on Wimbledon Common, all those years ago. Either that or we all know we're saying goodbye to him playing again for us.
So, was it worth it? Might have been.
In a nutshell: Now, about this clinching the championship lark...
26 March 2005
Sorry it's late, I think Friday being Saturday and Saturday being Sunday has buggered me about a bit. Rate I'm going I'll be taking the weekend off by next Wednesday.
Anyway, some good news to start you off - the SW19 guestbook has returned. Stop going "oh". Yes, if you click here or use the link above, it's there in its new and improved glory. And yes, I know it's very similar to a certain other guestbook. Before anyone asks, doing it this way saved a lot of time and aggrevation. It probably won't stop the spammers from coming - they need something else to do apart from drinking Jolt cola, playing pointless video games and downloading doctored pics of Sarah Michelle Gellar - but this time, I'll have the upper hand...
Now, onto the game. Suppose that As 1 Zs 3 was one of those games which turned out to be quite comfortable really. I certainly don't think it was likely to be a defeat, and when we went 1-0 up through RB I wasn't going to change my mind. I didn't even consider it when they got a penalty, when Paul Smith fouled their player. In fact, I was more worried that he was going to be sent off, though he wasn't even booked. Oh, and they scored the penalty.
Funny thing was, I wrote in my notebook "Still think we'll win" literally five seconds before we scored again. Thanks to Urse through RB. No longer the much maligned RB, more like the much loved. Third goal? RB again, bit of a scramble. And I suppose that's really all that's worth writing about.
So, basically, we will go up on Monday if we beat Dorking. Expect a 4-0 loss now. Incidentally, I have heard that we could very possibly go up today if W&H and Horsham both lose, or something, but I don't expect us to be jumping for joy at 4.50pm today
Anyway, shall we...?
Plus points: Comprehensive performance. Great performance by everyone, especially RB.
Minus points: Conceeding. Shane Smeltz's worst game for us.
The referee's a.....: Could have sworn he had a bet on us to win 3-2. Gave them a free kick before FT when it appeared that our player went down with cramp
Them: Isn't the area around their ground a bit chavvy? I don't think they could - or should - have fitted any more in, especially with no police and a non-working tannoy. We all remember the last time that happened. Other than that, decent enough people, for some reason the Banstead side came out late. Were they hiding? Incidentally, a family of Palace turned up to support the home side (kid had "I 8 Brighton"). Those thinking of some AFCW-Palace love in were crudely awaken with "We hate Palace", "We beat the scum 2-0" and the music hall favourite "Going down"....
Strip poker: Presume you all remember the streaker who ran onto the pitch? Well, it seems like his name was Tony and he did it for a £1 bet. Fuck knows what he would do for a fiver. Incidentally, how come you never see female streakers these days?
Point to ponder: Not AFCW related, but still relevant. Has there never been a more ill-scheduled time to have international football than this weekend? It's Easter, and for the first time in living memory there's been nothing. This is good news for the likes of us of course, I would be interested to see how many more people have gone to non-league games this weekend because of the lack of other stuff on.
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Banstead fan wearing an Asda fleece, presumably just finished work from the Reigate Road branch. Didn't stop a couple of people walking past him and muttering "Asda franchise" to him. (2) When was the last time we had a delayed kickoff? (3) The kids on a trampoline in one of the surrounding houses. Come on, it wasn't that expensive to get in.
Anything else? How lucky are we that Andrew Martin no longer plays for us? He may not have had a good game yesterday, especially anything to do with crosses. Oh, and one word for people wearing those fashion victim wristband thingys : don't.
So, was it worth it? That or watch the telly on Good Friday? Hmm.
In a nutshell: Champions by Monday (well, promotion anyway)
19 March 2005
First things first, as you all might know, the guestbook got pulled this week. Well, fortunately it should be back up next week sometime, relying on circumstances purely within my control...
Second things second, as you all certainly know, the Merton Derby is upon us. Finally, after 14 years we get to play in a postcode that starts with an "S" and doesn't end in "E25". Surely all Wombles will descend? There is one problem : I'm in Ireland (or to be more specific somewhere inbetween Dublin and Athlone) that day, so typically I'm missing it. Though I am planning to watch Bohemians v Cork City so don't shed too many tears for me. Basically, I need someone to give the Merton Derby the justice it deserves....
Third things third, how good was Sunflower Oil 4 Lard 1? I was NLPing so I missed the last 20 minutes (Sussex League roundup, read it in tomorrow's edition), but what I did see was a rather impressive performance. As I overheard today, "we're playing football". Quite simply, since we put in the players that we were probably going to sign for next season anyway we look a different team again. Somehow, I think this team won't suffer relegation next season after all.
So what? Well, we didn't exactly do ourselves much harm going 2-0 up after 13 minutes. Everyone's favourite Kiwi Shane Smeltz opened the scoring on 7 minutes from a corner then RB six minutes later after what looked a bit like a defensive fuckup more or less put the game out of reach. It was certainly out of reach when it went 3-0 to us. Yes, I missed it. So did the person I was talking to.
Second half, they came at us a bit and presumably the sun got to us a bit as they scored. While the next goal was always going to decide the outcome, I couldn't help feeling that somehow they'd snatch something back. Remember Corinthian Casuals? All was to be well though, thanks to Rob Ursell's curler. Seriously, it was outside the box, and last time I saw a curve like that it was on some slapper on the front of Loaded. And then I left.
So...
Plus points: A win. A good win. Vastly improved performance. Team looks solid and determined. Actually look championship material. Good passing. Good defending. Ability to kill the game off when needed.
Minus points: They scored.
The referee's a....: I dunno, thought he gave them too many free kicks. Not too many calling for his head though.
Them: The infamous Lardy Army (or Llama Army, or whatever they call themselves) turned up en masse. All 150 of them were put into a corner of the JS for the first half and were, well, a bit quiet. Certainly louder at their place. Couple of them thrown out for verbal type stuff, presumably the drink in London a bit too strong for them. As for the team, considering they're second I didn't think much of them at all. Especially poignant was the fact they're one of the form teams as well. They were sort of a bit niggly when they went 3-0 down, arguing and the like. A bit like their manager who looked like somebody who works at a tennis club. Have to say though, I can't warm to Horsham. I would prefer W&H or even T&M to go up with us. And yes, I know that the team from the shithole end of SM4 have a distinct chavviness to them...
Incidentally, and following on from the incident(s) mentioned above, somebody on their messageboard has called AFCW stewards "petty and jobs worth"....
Point to ponder: Is it true we're only six points away from promotion? It seems like it's really come round quick - have to say, last month I'm sure I wasn't the only one worried that we could freefall away from the playoffs.
Truth is
stranger than fiction: (1) The AFCW version of the Lilith festival,
aka the annual Terry's Tarts Femidons Wombelles sponsorship,
was today. I could make a rude comment about our female fanbase loving
a good guzzle but I won't. In other news, there were 20 dinners not
on the table this evening. (2) Smeltz has clearly made it already
at AFCW - I spotted somebody with a NZ soccer jersey on. Think there
are less people who wear one in NZ. (3) Also spotted a couple of lefty
sorts wearing some anti-Iraq war stuff. Looks like they got lost somehow.
Incidentally, isn't the Stop The War coalition the most inapt name
since Reg Davis' Smart car? (3) Also there - one A Eames. No TE though...
Anything else? Yeah, I got a hat tip this morning to this, I believe it's in the programme as well. Now, my WUP article today was talking about something similar and obviously I spoke too soon :) Initial thoughts : it's a good move by AFCW in my opinion. I bumped into Ivor just before Xmas and he said that the workload has sky-rocketed commmercial-wise. As he's the only one of the top brass at AFCW who I know doesn't have AFCW as the day job I can understand fully why this is needed to be done.
Now, I presume a "Commercial Executive" is a highly powered job, and £15k basic does seem a little low to the layman. Wonder what the remit is? I did hear last week that AFCW are, or were, touting for national companies as opposed to local companies. For a club that likes to remind us every ten seconds about "community", it does seems a tad on the two faced side. Judging by the tone of the application, it does seem that this is no longer the case. Hope so, anyway. One thing for sure, the CCL museli knitted marxist commune era is well and truly buried...
So, was it worth it? No, it was shit. Bring back Kevin Cooper. And Trigger. And Mehmet Mehmet.
In a nutshell: Second Easter Monday in a row...?
12 March 2005
Ah, that's much more like it. Isle of Dogs 5 Isle of Wight 0. Remember a couple of weeks ago when I said that somebody was going to be on the end of a tonking from us? Rather like Man Utd and Arsenil in the FA Cup today, we've come out of a pretty rocky patch and larged up the big one. Interestingly enough, we weren't even on top form.
So, what can I say? Well, we scored after about 3 minutes with Frankie heading from a corner. Don't ask about the second goal, for once I wasn't in the tea bar, the actual bar or talking to somebody. Instead I was putting my cup of tea away in the blue bin, just like we're asked to. So you can blame AFCW for that. I did see the third goal, which was scored by RB. A cracker, as they say. Hopefully Dons Online caught it, it really is stunning. Really unsure about Axel F for him still.
If you thought it couldn't get any better, it did. It was 4-0 before half time. Great skill in the box, again by RB. And all was well.
The second half
was a bit, well, dull in comparison. We only scored once, the goalie
parried and Shane Smeltz, the sheepshagger New Zealand international
followed up for his debut goal (yes, I know he scored the second goal
for us, but I missed it so it doesn't count). Any expectations it
would be a CCL style rout were sadly dampened, though we did get a
penalty. Up stepped Smeltz to surely make it a hat-trick, but the
goalie made his one decent save of the day. Bastard. Didn't stop one
Womble from saying "justice done" though, somehow I think
they've forgotten how to really watch games.... ;)
Had enough? So had Newport. So...
Plus points: Five. Without reply. Best game seen in a while. Great debut by Smeltz.
Minus points: Should have been 9-0
The referee's a.......: Got compared to Dale Winton for some reason. Other than that, he had his moments of abject fussiness but hardly on the Anders "What's this coming through my letterbox?" Frisk level.
Them: Dropped their trousers, bent over obediently and didn't even complain when we'd forgotten the vaseline. Did hit the bar, bless them. Speaking of hitting the bar, two IoW fans decided they'd seen enough tits on the field and buggered off to look at the tits in the Robert Peel. All very commendable, except that this was at 3.35pm. Quite a few of theirs turned up for their big trip on the mainland. Wonder how the club funds an IoW crossing every other Saturday? Special mention to their goalie, who when trying to retrieve the ball at 5-0 down yelled to the hAE : "We're still in this"...
Point to ponder: Only one man can really answer this, but were Smeltz, Lewis Hamilton and Joe Vines three of our intended summer signings? If so, then I'll have to re-evaluate how I think we'll do next season. One thing is certain, we will need to sign their likes as a minimum standard, but then you knew that already...
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Any reason why Phillo said "Oh. My. God" after RB's third? Was he in exhasperation? (2) Smeltz's nickname is "Vanessa". Think about it. All we need now is for him to have a massive weight problem... (3) Speaking of which, our secretary is looking trimmer these days. Insert comment about working for AFCW and losing weight rapidly. (4) Finding out what used to happen in the Polish police force during the Warsaw Pact days when they sniffed out Russian infiltrators in their ranks. Suffice to say, it was a real shame that Hammam was from Beirut as opposed to Belarus. (5) Is it me or were there more coppers at the game today? Either they're scouting for the 9/4 game or the Main Stand have finally got their way...
Anything else? Yeah, was it me or was it dead today? Not only that, but there were some comments about the crowd size, and how it seems to be falling. OK, this season hasn't caught the imagination quite like last season (and certainly our first one). It's unlikely that we'll get close to 4k this season, despite an officially increased capacity. So why do the figures show people staying away? I keep hearing Chinese whispers about the prices rising next season to cover costs etc. Personally, I think the club should be more concerned with those staying away. As said before many times, putting prices up won't affect the people most willing to pay them...
So, was it worth it? Yup
In a nutshell: Champions by Easter. Maybe.
5 March 2005
I suppose it's that time of the season where championships are won and lost. And had we not scored, then it may have sent our increasingly nervous disposition even more over the edge. As it was, Mole 0 Zit 1 was actually quite comfortable. I am struggling to recall any Molesey shot that remotely troubled us. Come to think of it, I'm not doing a better job thinking of our chances are well
OK, I'm being unfair. We had enough play in the first half to go up that necessary gear. Really think we're crawling along now, and it's something plenty of people today commented on. Personally, there's nothing really more I can add to things other than what I've said. We'll probably win the league now as no team really has the consistency to catch us. We can gather that we're really only at 70%, and DA has finally confirmed in print that there is a summer shopping list. Guess it's just a case of seeing the remaining games out and look forward to next season.
As for the goal, probably the only decent bit of football in the match. Ursell crossed into the box, Leon McDowell headed it past the goalie. This is fast sounding like my NLP reports...
Anyway..
Plus points: We won. Away. Clean sheet. Never really looked like conceding.
Minus points: Shite.
The referee's a......: Looked like Sol Campbell's little brother, if he'd been hit by a lift. Certainly refereed about as well as somebody who'd played head tennis with an Otis. Decided to punish RB for the second week in a row by booking him for diving in the penalty box, despite looking like he'd been poleaxed.
Them: Did you know that Molesey v Tooting and Mitcham was the first game I ever covered professionally? Well, they were a bit more attack minded than today - clearly went for the 0-0 draw. Wouldn't say they were negative but they had nosebleeds when they crossed the half way line. Decided to get a little bit physical when they went 1-0 down, which led one of our players to briskly stroll 50 yards to confront one of theirs....
If I had a song I'd sing it in the morning: In the first half at least, we were in good voice. Some anti Chelski stuff, plus the now traditional "Molesey till full time", referring to the home fans' penchant for watching AFCW and only AFCW games. I've done three Molesey games now, and there is usually a distinct lack of vocal support from the home fans. Strange that. Actually, their goalie got it in the neck, though having a large amount of hair product on didn't help his cause. In fact, "We've got Gell, you've got grease" was one of the funniest chants I've heard in a while. Didn't stop him having a couple of words with those barracking him. Prick. Oh, and they did a couple of "Milton Keynes" chants, because of course they're so original and cutting edge....
Point to ponder: Why did today remind me of the CCL? Was it the pitch? The cold? The one tea bar open?
Truth
is stranger than fiction: I trust you saw the Wombles Ultras
banner. If you didn't check the photo out to your left. Now, I'd heard
about this but hadn't seen it myself. And it look a bit like one of
those banners that you expect from some extremist Serbian nazi group.
All it needs are the words "Srpska radikalna" and an image
of Vojislav Seselj* on it and before you know it we'll all be beating
up Kosovans.
Incidentally, why is Mr Crabtree (I think it's Jonathon Crabtree) immortalised on it? It's either some in-joke that I've clearly missed or he's leading a secret double life....
* - and before
you ask, "Srpska radikalna" stands for Serbian Radical,
as in Serbian Radical Party, or "Srpska radikalna stranka".
Vojislav Seselj is their leader. Google the rest.
Anything else? Yeah, it was dull. Can't you tell from this report?
So, was it worth it? Urm...
In a nutshell: Three points. Nothing to see here.
3 March 2005
And lo, the anger of the Deities of Football descended from on high, bringing frozen arctic rain, ravaging winds of pain and destruction, and temperatures decreed from hell. And so it was, that the overlords biding thy time on the Field of the Monarch sacrificed the evil empire from the desolate mounds of the South and East of the Capital. Hearts were broken. Minds were forever corrupted. Souls laid to rest in the frozen ground. And the monster of red and blue ilk was slain, its wretched blood of chaos and all that is improper and wanton poured out liberally, its haemogloblin steaming in the cool night air, leaving the purveyors of truth, justice and light to forever stand on the high ground. Or something.
OK, it was only their yoof team, but whatever way you look at it, Good 2 Evil 0 is a damn fine scoreline. Somehow, all the crap we've had to watch on the field seems a little bit distant. Remember what I said recently about the comfort zone? Well last night, our players knew they had a fantastic opportunity to prove a few points to people. Not just themselves, or to DA but to us as well. I really think the criticism from some quarters (and let's face it, it wasn't exactly unwarranted) stung them.
It's best not to get carried away, after all an average RP team will probably cause us more problems than Palace did last night. And I will stick by my assertion that we do need another wholesale change in the close season to avoid having to struggle against relegation. But for now, this could be the big boost we need. We have been drifting recently, and who knows, maybe Molesey will get a jolly good whipping?
The game? Oh, that. I missed the first goal, I was in the bar. Just as well as it was absolutely fucking freezing. It was scored by good old Frost, fast becoming our new Lawrie "I only score important goals" Sanchez. I ventured out into the cold to see us net the second, Mark Jones shooting off RB's arse... actually, I'd better rephrase that, Mark Jones' shot deflected off RB to send us 2-0 up and into joyous rapture. Either that or it was the cold.
Anyway..
Plus points: A win. Against top flight opposition (don't laugh). Clean sheet. Best performance in a while.
Minus points: It was fucking cold.
The referee's a.....: Even he wasn't bad. At least, I didn't hear anyone moaning about him. Probably all too busy slagging Palace fans to notice. The fourth official was apparently the most casually dressed referee you'll ever see - track suit bottoms, sporting top lifted from the chav section of JJB Sports and matching headgear.
Them: They're Palace. No further comment necessary.
Song sung blue: They all came out last night. "Where were you when Leaburn scored?", "Released in the summer" to their goalie - he'll probably join us now - and the good old classic "Going down". Not to mention "You're Premier League, you're having a laugh". And how did they respond? "We are Premier League". Rate they're going, not for much longer. By all accounts though, the away fans did seem to enjoy the experience...
Point to ponder: As mentioned last night a couple of times and other places. Do we miss playing these big teams more than we collectively let on? OK, plenty say that they're happy playing the likes of Bashley and Ashford Town etc. And yes, they're pleasant enough people and they're nice enough to visit. But consider this : a majority of the AFCW support started following when we were a league club, and the teams we grew up with were people like Palace. Not so much rivals as in equal size of club, ground, support etc - though for most of the 90s we were the top club in South London - but sort of the bigger boys that we like to kick the goolies of. Last night there was a genuine sense of history - we knew that it wasn't that long ago that Leaburn put two past them. And yes, we reminded them of that fact. We don't get that with T&M.
What last night proved to me was really, we need to be at least a Conference side again. Am I being ungrateful? Possibly. Am I forgetting the roots of AFCW, or WFC? Depends, I first starting supporting us as a division three side so maybe my own roots are in that level. That's what I think AFCW's natural level is anyway. Said it before, will gladly repeat it : I would not watch R1 level out of choice, I watch R1 because that's where my team play. In short, I want us to be another Leyton Orient than a Leyton. And I bet I'm not the only one.
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Delia Smith's, ahem, call to arms being played on the PA system during the game. She's believed to be a bit of a boozehound and a stuck up cow to boot. And she has more than a striking resemblance to that iffy Labour MP Margaret Hodge. (2) The pitch looked very good, especially considering that at 6.15pm the game was touch and go. (3) Somebody mentioned it had a pre-season feel to it. Suppose that's true, we tend to win our pre-season games.
Anything else? Yeah, overheard a copper mentioning that a couple of Dons fans were in the ground who had been, ahem, discussing the weather with some Palace fans at Clapham Junction recently. Old habits die hard. Incidentally, it's quite possible that this thing could be happening a bit more, hooliganism does seem to be making a bit of a comeback (coin throwing at Everton, that guy running onto the pitch at Burnley) and as those following us in the 1970/80s will testify, we weren't exactly immune..
So was it worth it? You jest, surely?
In a nutshell: Palace? Who the fuck are Palace?