NEWS

NOTE: Unless there are substantial sums of money involved, I do not give permission for other clubs to use my match reports in their match day programmes. Use your own bloody material

21 March 2009

Well, that wasn't in the script was it?

To be totally honest, the only surprise about Water Tank 0 Well 1 was that it wasn't a surprise. Or at least, one you never saw coming a mile off. If one was to read back over the last 5-6 weeks, you'll notice a trend of luck riding. Today, it finally, finally ran out. What was the stat - last game we lost was Eastleigh at KM on 2nd December? OK, we lost to Uxbridge in the FAT after that, but nobody counts that.

For some reason though, I don't feel nearly as bad as I did after WSM. Or St Albans. But then, maybe it is logical after all? We need to remember how to lose, to remind ourselves that it might be a month until the season ends, but it's still a sodding long way to go. I hope that today reminded us all not to get too cocky. There was a LOT of presumption this week that "when" we won today, and "when" Chelmsford beat H&R, we could start planning trips to Mansfield and Oxford.

See, nobody even believed that today's results would happen. Which in a way is a good thing. Firstly, it will hopefully take a much needed boot to the arrogant and complacent bollocks that too many people have been swinging about recently. The next time some gobshite pops up with "I confidently predict that we'll win the title at...", throw a dart at them. Or show them today's results, with DVD of today as well. The Football Gods had a bit of fun at our expense today, and is currently wearing their Brentford shirts laughing at us.

If this season has shown us anything, a team showing cockyness always gets smacked down a peg or three. Look at Chelmsford over Xmas - nine points clear and boy did they let everyone know about it. For some reason, we're getting no lectures about how we really only have 17 fans and that they'll easily overtake our average attendances because there's no league clubs within 100 miles of their town. Funny that. This week though, we've been acting exactly like them...

Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, that fear of losing has now reached its logical conclusion. Suddenly we can lose games after all, especially at Theme Park KM. You'd have to be as ignorant as a Franchise fan to look at our recent performances and not think that all is well with us right now. By being determined not to get it wrong, we just couldn't get it right. Once again, today we put in the first half performances of the Worcesters, and Dorchesters, and WSMs. But this time, we did the same thing for the second half as well.

OK, if Danny Kedwell had buried that easier-to-score-than-miss header right at the end, we probably wouldn't be saying any of this right now. But then, that would have delayed the inevitable. An inevitablilty that was always going to bite us on the arse at some point. Perhaps deservedly so...

What does it all mean right now? Well, we'll now be having to do what I hoped we wouldn't have to do - go down to the wire. Next week becomes must-win. Or at least, must-not-lose. And this was a game I earmarked for a loss as well. What it does mean is that we can't play silly buggers any more - we have to regain that winning streak that put us from nine points behind to the current six in front. We've got to hurt after this, and I mean hurt.

If we're sufficiently stung, we will go out next week, give Eastleigh a good hiding and say "fuck yeah, we're back". See, we're due a loss which we now got, but we're also due to give somebody a good hammering too. If we're not though, then it all starts getting a bit pant-soiling doesn't it? We can safely assume that H&R will win next week, so the pressure is now back on us. Can we handle it? We handled the pressure during February when it really was intense. We clawed back in the early part of this month when we should have lost (ie WSM). But now we're really going to be tested.

After the game, I was reminded that on this date last season we lost 2-1 to ETU in one of the wankiest games I can ever remember. I don't think we were nearly as bad today as we were back twelve months ago. But then we did come back two days later (this was Easter lest we forget) and beat Friends of Franchise 2-0. Mind you, that was a strange game as well back then - Finn departed before the game, Danny Webb (remember him?) missed two one-on-ones, and getting promoted seemed like light years away. We won but it didn't feel right.

This time around, we don't have that luxury of the next game coming around quickly. We have to sit around this week, plan meticulously and mentally prepare ourselves for what IMO will be the most difficult game of the season so far. Don't underestimate Eastleigh next week. Perhaps after today, we won't.....

Plus points: Still six points ahead (seven including goal difference). Another game ticked off.

Minus points: Everything else.

The referee's a.....: Ron Ganfield. Do I need to expand further?

Them: Fair play to them. They came with a game plan, took advantage of our complacency and should have won by a couple more. You can see why they beat the Axewounds 4-0 last week. Actually, they remind me of H&R minus the thuggery and histrionics, and not a team I would entirely write off getting into the playoffs. Especially as Chelmsford are now becoming everyone's easy three points. Have they left it too late though? Then again, as we know, it ain't all over yet...

Point to ponder: Looking at the results up and down the country, was it simply just one of these weekends? A neutral would have raised his eyebrows at what happened at KM and the Beaverdome today, even though that we weren't exactly surprised. I wasn't anyway. But then, look at the Prem today as well. Who would have predicted Yernited losing not only 2-0 but two players at Foolham? And as for Chelski at Spurz..... Speaking of Spurz, apparently their game was delayed by 30 minutes because of a suspect vehicle within the vicinity. It was the only one in the area that was taxed and insured.

Meet the manager: And here's my NLP interview with TB afterwards. Hope the streaming works (make sure your Flash is up-to-date, don't have any ad-blocks on it etc etc) - if it doesn't, or the sound speeds up for some reason you can download the actual file itself here. The thumps you hear are me trying to hold the recorder AND make notes at the same time. So no complaints.

TBH I'm surprised at what he said and yet at the same time I'm not. I gather the dressing room was very quiet afterwards - I don't doubt TB hasn't been in this situation before, I'd like to see what Aldershot's run-in when they went up into the Conf was, bet they had days like today. Bit concerned he thought we were still leggy in midfield - thought it was the same all over the pitch...

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) A load of SI people turned up. No idea why, presumably it was to research for their next edition of that computer game they do. Shudder to think what they'd find about us. (2) I have now been asked by the toppest of top brass at AFCW not to make any more predictions that we will lose our next games. Mind you, he also said that "nobody died" today. If it gets more tense though, that could change. (3) Realising that it's been 18 games since we last lost in the league. Or to put it another way, 1620 minutes without losing. Suppose that's quite impressive, although one does fear that the law of averages is about to apply themselves...

Anything else? Dunno really. This time last week everyone was gloating about us being nine points clear. Fast-forward a week, and it becomes a three-game gap again. No doubt next week we'll have ended up beating Eastleigh and H&R come a cropper, so the whole shebang starts all over again. The biggest amazement right now is that I don't feel pissed off. And I think people generally were like that. Has a weight been lifted off our shoulders?

So, was it worth it? If we still go up as champions, then yes. Don't even approach me if we don't.

In a nutshell: AFC Wimbledon, meet planet Earth.

14 March 2009

So, looks like everyone is getting their maps out for Oxford and Mansfield next season then, eh? Amazing the difference a week can make. This time last week your editor was considering driving to Bridgend on the way back from WSM with an improvised rope. Now all of a sudden, it's planning the end of season party and wondering what champagne to order.

First things first, we haven't won the league as of yet. Yes, I know I sound like a boring old tosser, every silver lining has a cloud etc. But lest we forget the orgasms after Newport beat H&R, and we know what happened soon afterwards, didn't we? We have another seven games remaining, and whilst four of them are at home, we still have to be careful. By all accounts today, we were pretty shit in the first 40 odd minutes. And we could have been a goal down if it wasn't for Jamie Pullen.

But Main scored, and thankfully so did Kedwell, and we continue on for another day. Actually, it's good that DK netted, because going for nine games without a goal sucks for a striker. Mind you, JM also had a similar drought and now look at him. The two debutants certainly made their mark, especially Saunders who, it's fair to say, had a slightly lukewarm reaction upon people finding out he'd joined.

Still, I don't blame people if they're starting to get a little bit giddy. The maths are starting to move in our favour, certainly. The Axewounds have to now win three more games than us to draw level, and that includes their game in hand over CCFC. In effect, we have to lose half our remaining games for a team to realistically catch us up. And that is if they keep winning - it appears that their luck (and their energy) is starting to run dry. Every season, a club is doing well then stumbles and freefalls. Last year it was us, and this season we thought it was the Champions Elect. Maybe, just maybe?

One thing that cannot be denied today is that a major psychological hurdle was vaulted over. At this stage of the season, getting three points is one thing. Seeing the team directly below you get their arse stretched is another. It's ironic that it was this very weekend last year where we lost 3-2 to Chelmsford at their place, and basically condemned us to playoff hell.

Of course, days like today mean jack shit if we don't follow up on them. This is where we need to redouble our concentration. Our opponents next Saturday gubbed H&R 4-0 today, and while we're eternally grateful, any team that can do that to the Axewounds can cause us problems as well. But that's a week away. For now, I suppose you might be forgiven for allowing yourself a little mental breather and maybe the occasional cheeky little peak to divisions above us. Only an occasional one though.

I was going to tell you about my day at Woking v Wrexham, but I won't bother. Although I did see the Dorchester team bus on the M25 at about 1245pm just about to turn off to the A3. I did wave at them. So instead, I'll let ECW talk you through his day at KM....

Another gladatorial battle between two teams of hungry passionate young men intend on coming away with a home win at all costs...........BBC1 Sunday afternoon 3pm.

Firstly apologies for grammatical errors and huge information gaps from yesterdays game. If you are that bothered you should have been at the Meadow of Kings! Look at those ugly celebs schlepping up Kilimanjaro, if fatboy Moyles can do that the least you could do was jump on the 131 to Kingston.

Back to the battle at Kingsmeadow........... Hilton 2 Dorchester 0 (why abandon a perfectly decent formula?)

Still smiling from hearing that Manure got stuffed at home by Rafa's army a beautiful sunny day greeted the 2 teams as they strode out of the tunnel onto the lush turf of KT1.

A truly dreadful first half played at walking pace by men who clearly didn’t have a clue how to break down the world class Dorchester defence came to life in the 40th minute when their No 9 wasted a glorious one on one after some woeful defending by Kenedy Adjei, When we tie up the Championship I think Kennedy should buy James Pullen a large one such was the importance of his stiff arm save. I think we were all expecting Kennedy to be swinging from a hastily constructed scaffold somewhere behind the Tempest End if they
had scored!

Time after time in that first half we had a man in blue opting for the sidewards pass instead of attacking that big oblong thing with a net attached, such lack of ambition turned the normal cauldron of noise at KM into something resembling the clock end at the Highbury Library.

You can only imagine the rockets Terry Brown had lined up to shove up various anuses at half time.

And then the moment when we realised that God is a Womble....... quick one-two between one of their defenders and the Main man and the ball nestled cosily in the back of the onion bag.......Thank fuck for that!!!!.............Half time immediately as they kicked off.

And then we hear that H&R were losing 2-0 at Welling...........At this point we had us winning, H&R losing, Manure beaten, Wales losing and that disgrace of a team up the M1 not winning........long may it continue. (History will tell us that unfortunately 2 of those ‘idyllic’ results were reversed).

Second half was barely 120 seconds old before Danny Kedwell lifted the ball over an advancing goalie to make it 2-0, cue pandemonium in block B of the main stand.

The second half was played at a much better pace than the first half and after seeing Liverpool demolishing Real Madrid it really sums up what an easy game it is, up and down the park with pace, towards the goal, and try and beat the odd defender.........easy!

The other startling conclusion I came away with today was the complete lack of pace in the Wimbledon line up, even Jon Main seemed to be struggling, our defenders (Judge, Inns, Davis, Conroy) strolled around the back completely unable to inject any life into the team, really quite depressing, expect a wholesale clearout WHEN we go up.

Plus points: Obvious really. That and Fash mark II coming on in the 67th minute (Kezzie Ibei?), looks like the big strong uncompromising Centre Forward we have needed since Joe Sheerin stopped looking after himself.

Minus points: Too dull for large periods.

Them: One of the poorest teams I have ever seen, not one player stood out, got stuck in, or took a shot on goal as far as I can remember, not even dirty enough to get a player booked or get barracked by the Moan stand (wearing an alice band is surely enough reason?).

Was it worth it? Dunno........is anything?

Referee: Did we have one today?

Champions by April.

11 March 2009

Christ, do I really have to write something about the St Albans game? I think my mental capabilities of doing just that have been drained after writing the Big Tissue one. Guess this is what it feels like to be one of our players right now.

But I shall dig in and be brave. This was a must-win game that wasn't, er, won. The only saving grace from last night was that we didn't have to listen to the PA announcing that H&R got yet another 99th minute winner.

Seriously, this was awful. Despite a decent crowd of 29,943, this was flatter than Kylie Minogue's chest circa 1988. Both on and off the pitch as well. Our passing was shit, our midfield was shit, the referee was shit, the whole vibe was shit. Tony Finn is not good enough to start. Neither is Tom Davis. Way too much has been placed on DK and JM's shoulders, and we're now seeing the logical conclusion to that.

All in all, this sucks.

Yet for some reason, when driving home last night (and thank you, whoever was responsible for closing the A3 northbound turnoff at the M25 junction), I didn't feel that bad. Maybe it was relief that this run of awaydays is over? While doing the other report, I did a startling bit of mathematics - in the past ten days, we've as near as dammit done 550 miles. It's exhausting for those going to watch the game, so fuck knows what it's like for the players.

There's also a couple of other reasons for this strangely serene mood. We did look better when Kennedy came on, and we did almost snatch it at the death. Not to ignore the other 80 minutes of complete and utter horse crap of course, but for the first time in a while you sense that our play will start to improve in the upcoming games. Quite simply, it couldn't have got any worse. I do think the penny dropped for a lot of people last night - we ARE playing badly. There's been an element of arrogance and cockyness recently that has been passed off as positivity. This game was another wake-up call, in case the game at WSM didn't make you snap out of it.

But I've accepted now that this season will go down to the wire. The not-misplaced hope I had that we could kick on and open up a double-digit gap has now evaporated, and it'll need a major boost in form for us and H&R to stop defying gravity for that to happen. I do openly question the sanity of anyone who thinks it'll be great to have an "exciting" end of season run-in though. Probably the sort of people who stick nails in their genitalia or watch DVDs of England's recent cricket tour to the West Indies.

I think the worst is over for us now, although I reserve the right to change my mind when Dorchester beat us 2-0 on Saturday. I say that because now we know that something needs to be done. For all the talk of a new striker, TB is now identifying errors in midfield, which is pretty much what our major problem last night was.

Although somebody came up with a brilliant analogy last night about our current plight. I'm not a massive cricket fan but this makes perfect sense - we are like a batsman chasing a century and is stuck on 93 runs. The nervous nineties, I believe the expression is. Right now, we are so scared of getting things wrong that we can't get anything right.

So, how do we overcome that? That's for TB and the players to work out. Hey, they're earning money out of us, so they should be able to think of something. That could be out of their hands though : we need that one little spark of inspiration to give us a (legal) injection of energy. A new signing? A well worked goal? A deflection off a defender's arse? Just something to lift us out of this rut we're in.

Half-jokingly, I suggested to somebody last night that we need to go a goal down to get us fired up again. Worryingly enough, I think that's what we need. We need that "oh shit this could go wrong" happening to make us put our head down and go for it. In effect, we need to copy what H&R are doing at the moment and what Chelmsford did around December. We haven't had a last minute blitzkreig in a while, so we're due a couple. Seriously, when was the last game where we won it in the last minute? August?

Just imagine on Saturday if we're 1-0 down with two minutes left, and then we got two late goals to win. What would that do to us? Apart from the usual coronaries. You can see that happening, certainly the bit about us going a goal down. That is where our boost is going to come from. Teams who win titles do that once in a while. How many times this season have you heard over the PA that a team below/above us has got a last minute winner? It's something stupidly high like ten, though I haven't bothered working it out. Be nice if we grew a pair and did that to other people for a change.

It's strange, my mood is a bit better now than what it has been, despite us putting in performances that are regressively worse. Presumably, it's more a case of, we really can't keep going backwards like we are. In all honesty, I think I'm just waiting for something to happen. Within the next couple of games, something will occur that will prepare us for the title or the playoffs. The worst thing is right now though, we don't know what it is...

7 March 2009

So, anyone wanting to still gloat about how we'll only need three games then it's all over bar the shouting?

If Super Mare 1 Nightmare 1 tells you one thing, it's how complacency can kill. Forget the cunt of a referee with those two penalties. On Tuesday, too many people were bigging it up after Newport beat H&R. I expect this got through to the players, who probably felt they only had to turn up today and claim a result. Well, guess what? It doesn't work like that, does it?

Make no mistake, we were poor after the initial burst. Actually, I'll go one step further - this wasn't Dorchester, this was Uxbridge. This was a team that took its eye off the ball. This was a team that thought it was promoted after Tuesday. This was a team that looked lethargic and needs one of the biggest kicks up the collective arse it's ever had.

We don't have three points because of ourselves. I'm really not joking - we fucking battered them in the first twenty minutes. Had it been 3-0 it really would have been justified. But we were 1-0 up and thinking we really were three points to the good. When WSM started putting a bit of play together and we stopped playing, I'll be honest and admit that I feared the worse. The second half certainly confirmed that.

When they got their first penalty, that really was it wasn't it? Sure, we made a comeback of sorts, but you can see the likes of Kedwell and Godfrey seriously out of sorts right now. And it clearly affects the team throughout. As for the second penalty...........

If we do go up, I think Jamie Pullen may have made himself POTY. His save may have proved the difference between keeping the title challenge going through a rough spell and H&R getting on top of us. Make no mistake - had we lost and they won, that would have been a major psychological blow for us. Don't convince yourself that we could pull back from that without major damage. This week more than anything should have proved how quickly can change within the space of three days.

Maybe, just maybe, we could have gotten away with it. But we shouldn't think like that, because it's just papering over some real cracks right now. We urgently need a shot in the arm from somewhere - even Dwane Lee's return didn't quite have the desired effect. I've already mentioned about DK and now we've got Judge's suspension to deal with. Not to mention Sambrook not even getting through the warmup, after getting tackled by A Divot.

Is it all starting to go wrong for us at the worst possible time? H&R are grinding out wins like title winners do. Also, we have form over this sort of thing, just look back to last season. And I think letting top spot go will kill us stone dead this season - momentum is hard to stop when it crashes down. I don't think I can cope with two late-season implosions in a row, and last year we got away with it. We won't be so lucky this time,

Are we choking? That question will be answered in the next two games. St Albans now is an absolutely, cast iron must-win. In fact, I'll go further - if we don't win on Tuesday then we've blown it. I really mean that. We have, totally un-necessarily, put too much pressure on ourselves. We should have had a seven point gap at time of writing : now, H&R only need two more wins to draw level, and they will have a game in hand on us until the last week of the season. They will not drop as many points as we think.

This situation is purely, purely our own fault. I can forgive the odd slip up, but something is wrong right now. And it's been wrong for some time, but we scraped through. Since Chelmsford at KM, can you think of a game where we put in a just performance? Only the second half against Worcester, which is looking more and more like a blip. We are not playing like title winners. We are not convincing enough, or have the right attitude to play for the whole game, and not just periods of it when we feel like it. While I still believe we're the best side in the division, we are not showing it. Something has gone, and I can't think what the fuck it is.

Am I over-reacting? Maybe. But after the game, I really was saying to people that we'd blown it. On reflection after a 3h+ drive, I think we're close to blowing it - two games worth, to be precise. I look at it this way - some people are now playing a very dangerous game relying on our home form to keep delivering win after win. We will inevitably drop points at home, too. But if we start doing that, and continuing our current away form, we'll be off the top by the end of the month. And for all our talk about the opposition running out of games - hell, we'll be the ones running out of games. Should H&R get on top, they'll stay there. You know it. I know it. And I expect our players do.

If that did happen, it would be an absolute humiliation for us. We would just reveal ourselves to be bottle jobs, with big mouths and big ideas. How many people today were smugly thinking warm thoughts of Mansfield and Oxford next season when we were 1-0 up and cruising? On and off the pitch? I hope everyone who was feels like a fucking idiot right now. Also, I hope they're hurting too. Bit like everyone who did the 260 mile round trip today and who came away watching us throw it away against,in truth, pretty poor opponents.

I honest, genuinely, hope that TB gave the team the absolute bollocking of their lives after that. But I also hope he told them this : forget the amount of games left, the next two could lose us the title. We are teetering on the edge of a slump in form right now : just as winning becomes a habit, so does not winning. By Tuesday evening, we could have got just three points out of a possible nine. Or, even worse, just two. You do the maths. But also, you do the psychology : we pulled back a nine-point gap ourselves to be nine points ahead, It's now five. It could be eight after Tuesday, but it's also possible it could be two come Saturday.

Now, if we've got that far but let it slip out of our hands, how difficult will it be to get that momentum back? As I said earlier, we need a shot in the arm, and I just don't know where it's going to come from right now. We thought we had it against Worcester, but if anything our performances have gotten worse since then. The results certainly have. We are also due losses, which would be absolutely disasterous for us, and that too will be a massive body blow. I'm really not joking here - we need the two games of the season this week. It might just save the title....

Plus points: We didn't lose. First 20 minutes. Aldi with free parking on the way back home for a much needed re-stock of strong German lager.

Minus points: Everything else.

The referee's a.....: Cuntstain. Complete, grade A+, 100% cuntstain. I've never seen people so incensed over a penalty decision, even normally mild mannered people. I think he gave virtually every decision he could get away with to WSM. Also, after their second penalty and with the handbags, he should have added on a couple more minutes. Though to be honest, he's not the reason why we only have a point from this game.

Them: Crap, but deserved to beat us. Why? Because they dug in, exploited our complacency and in truth should have got the three points themselves. In short, they did to us what WFC did to the likes of Spurz, Yernited, Scousers etc. You'd think we'd learn by now. Got a little bit niggly with their management team apparently.

Point to ponder: Is the dreaded injury curse about to strike? Transpires that Sambrook's going to be out for about three weeks. Wonderful. This is where we really need our squad, although I think we're fortunate with our defence. Up front is scary though - Main is just about keeping going, poor DK is out on his feet and Godfrey and Finn just aren't doing us - or themselves - any favours. Guess Belal and Sullivan are heading towards the glue factory. Are we in for another round of deadline-day signings?

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) I guess it was going to be a bad day when, to put it politely, on the way down my body decided to get rid of something it didn't like via oral means. No, it wasn't alcohol related, in fact it was a bit more of something that you find in a petri dish in a science lab. Complete with a nice dash of blood to boot. There's a metaphore or an omen attached to that, but I don't know what it is yet (2) Seeing Braintree's team at Leigh Delamere services on the way there. They were on their way to Newport County. Fortunately, they lost 2-1, saving me the jibe that they should have diverted their coach down the M5.

Anything else? Yeah, their terrace. Nice, isn't it? I wonder what possessed them to have it, bearing in mind I doubt they even remotely fill it 99% of the season? Whatever, it was so popular that people actually stayed on it for the second half. Wonder if that made a difference to the performance? It was certainly dead in the second half though elsewhere. Have to say though, bouncing up and down on it and feeling it move was a bit disconcerting. Still, I expect a bid has already been made to transfer it to replace the West Bank. Probably as mobile as our midfield as well.

While I'm here, I feel the need to say this. I know standing on something like that terrace is a novelty, or at least a welcome step back in time. I think some people, when they come in drunk - or, to be more precise, wasted - perhaps need to come on them a little less intoxicated. Why? Because you may think that swaying about on a terrace is fun, but pushing people over in the process isn't. Nor is it particularly safe. I know after the first goal I was shunted down about three steps worth, and it was only some kind soul grabbing me that prevented me from a broken neck or twisted ankle. All because a couple of people were trying to convince themselves they were being crazy. I'm fortunate because I can handle myself. I do however know others who can innocently get caught up in such "jollies" who can't. To those people now nursing sore heads - grow up. Most grounds around the country you wouldn't have been allowed on there in the first place.

If by some miracle we go up, and we go to away grounds next season with all seater stands, just ask yourself why they were put in to begin with...

So, was it worth it? No, I don't like to be beside the seaside.

In a nutshell: Time for certain people to start earning their money....