SW19 note (2009) : The last bit of news I ever did for SW19 in the WFC era. At the time, I went to the US and gave somebody else the task of completing what happened. Sadly, it seems to have got lost forever. If anyone has it.....

15 April 2002 [PM EDITION]

Right, that's me done for this season, off Stateside. So I shall leave you in the capable hands of Mr MJS in my absence.

There is still plenty to say though, so...

If you really did think that playoffs were still possible, then Slade 1 Bay City Rollers 0 would have got that thought out of your cranium. Plenty of people said that we did more than match them in the game, though personally I thought we didn't deserve to win due to our shooting (lack of). Plenty of piss-poor performances from people like Shipps, DC and (especially) Wu Tang. Their goal came from WFC's same way of handling corners as a Suzuki jeep or Ayrton Senna. And that is really about it. A vast difference to last year where we urinated over them. Still, they had something to play for didn't they?

Special mention to Kevin Cooper, who, when we chanted "If you all hate Charlie Koppel clap your hands" whilst walking over to us nodded his head. Class.

Meanwhile...

Plus points: None discernable.

Minus points: Well then, TB returned to management duties and it showed. Too much poncing about. Off days for our strike force (do they have on-days these days?).

The referee's a......... : Hmm, yes, well.

Molineux: Admittedly a very stunning ground, unlike most new stadia it has character, and when the locals are up for it, it can whup the arse of most Prem teams. Too many of their fans are still morons though. Anyone know what Molineux means BTW?

Us: 600 strong turnout, aka all tickets sold. Contary to popular belief little if any West Brom in there, though the "Boing Boing Baggies" tribute to the Hawthorns dwellers REALLY wound up the Wolves fans. Very few chants from us as it goes, maybe it was the fact that we all had to sit in our usual seats. Or maybe we were examining the atmosphere. Or maybe as usual when we take loads more people the atmosphere from us suffers big time.

Rod Steward: Steward behind me told me the recent story of when the Wolves went to South Bermondsey to take on the Millwall (Wolves won that one, apparently), but with a tone of pride in his voice. Bit disconcerting, though it's far better than being treated like a black South African under the Koppel regime. I could have told him the story of RJM taking on the Millwall all by his lonesome but I had to let him wallow in his team's moment of glory (or is that gory?)

Spotted: (1) The aboveformentioned RJM, sans RJ, but with a guy who looked like his older brother. No idea of what they get up to of course, though they look like they could be the 2002 version of the Interesting Brothers* (2) David Barnard, ex WFC chief exec, at half time. Wearing a rather, ahem, fetching denim jacket. Funny thing is, Barney is reportedly supposed to be in a consortium to buy out QPR, so why was he watching WFC? Hmm..

* - for the WFC hooligan nostalgia freaks. Not that SW19 encourages, not even merely condones, violence in any way shape or form. Hello Mr Policeman.

WISA "Noisy" Funbus: Leaving at 8am never does people any good. The crack female hardcore WFC crew* and occasionally trapped male (left) causing mayhem and destruction by waving to passing cars. Being asked if I would prefer either Kylie or Danii (Danii, BTW, she's a bit classy, whereas Kylie is merely lusted over for her arse), 1 marrow or 4 courgettes. Doing things on the way back that I thought were illegal. Coach driving at 35mph or so. Do I Not Know That, viewed by more people on Funbus than on ITV Digital at broadcast time. Others too numerous to mention (except Heart F fucking M). Can you imagine the zombies at MK having similar fun?

* - the aboveformentioned female crew are in truth lovely people who are not warmongeresses, and in fact are more at home doing traditional girlie things such as embroidery, flower arranging and getting nervous at the mention of the word "blowjob". Hello again Mr Policeman.

Truth is stranger than fiction: TBH, the biggest TISTF of all is that this could well have been our very last away game, or at least the very last away game worth bothering with. And that makes me sad. And angry. And, well, TBH if somebody was to do something violent towards those responsible for this (says he choosing his words carefully) I would find it very hard to find fault with them. As somebody put it yesterday, "I just want this fucking crap over and done with".

Anything else? Well, there was apparently a massive ovation for Kevin Cooper receiving the Y&B award after the game from the Wolves fans. Apart from that, not really.

So was it worth it? Oh come on, you don't need me to answer that do you? Do you?

In a nutshell: Thrown to the Wolves.

Meanwhile, to prove that I do supply things other than match reports which don't actually mention the game, interesting stuff eminating from Norway (thanks to the SW19 Norwegian correspondant) : KIR has basically lost 100m NOK (Nog krone) on WFC alone, no idea what that is in sterling but it sounds a lot. It seems like the Norwegian press are getting on his back over all this, questioning just if he's any good at running football clubs. It's thought that KIR is pursuing MK purely out of spite, just to prove to everyone that he indeed "can do", and these figures seem to back that up. So the next question is, should we be switching targets from Koppout? Are ST boycotts actually going to make any difference whatsoever? If the FL reject MK for a third time, will we have an even bigger battle on our hands? Hell, this is going to not go away anytime soon.

All this will be answered in due course no doubt. In the meantime, I'm out of here. See you from the land of the free market.

 

6 April 2002

Ladies and gentlemen, please do not be alarmed. That horrific sound is merely the sound of Wimbledon FC's playoff hopes crashing to the ground. Oh, what do you mean that Koppout scuppered those ages ago? Never mind. Looks like Geoffrey from Rainbow 1 Geoffrey Richmond 2 was coming, 4 games in 8 days never was likely to yield 12 points, and I guess we'll be playing Leicester next season. In truth, we never really were going to score (one of them games) and I don't doubt that KD's sublime save in the 9th minute was merely a prelude of things to come. OK, so DC slotting away that 94th minute pen was kewl, but come on, you weren't surprised....?

And let us thrust pelvicly into the direction of.....

Plus points: Considering the result, we did put a lot of pressure up.

Minus points: Oh dear, where shall I start? OK, Kenny was clearly on too much Beamish last night. Jobi coming off after 9 mins. Shite defending. Glaring misses. Koppout still alive etc etc.

The referee's a..............: Rather than waste my time on him, I think his contribution today can be summed up best by the quote "What the fuck are you doing, you twat?". And when you're being asked if you are Jeff Winter in disguise, it may be time to consider a new career.

Point to ponder: How pissed off do you think Pecker is by coming on then getting subbed himself?

Sing Hosanna: Games at SP are usually shite for songs, but I think "Same old Bradford, always cheating" wins the most (only?) innovative ditty today.

Speaking of Bradford fans: Weren't many of them TBH, OK they took more than we did for our midweek jaunt up there, but not much more. And they won't get back into Yorkshire by sparrowfart either

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Your humble editor queried earlier on in the game when the last time we had a penalty before today was. (2) Neil Ardley beating somebody for pace. Get the tape of this game and fast forward to the 58th minute if you do not believe me. (3) This could be our last Saturday at SP ever. (4) The somewhat anti-QM sentiments expressed by somebody who couldn't handle his drink during the minute silence. Now, as much as I think that minute silences are waaaay over-used, I don't think it's particularly a good idea to deliberately disrupt them. Could be quite detrimental to our cause if people start to think we can't keep our gobs shut for a mere 60 seconds. Just a thought.

Speaking of thoughts, what about Koppout? Oh boy, the swivelled eyed paedo? He buggered off at half time, apparently. Wonder why? Not scared is he?

Meanwhile, Puma are dropping supplying our kit. Dunno when, but this has to be yet another blow for Koppout, and maybe can prove that various boycotts DO work. Now, cap this off with the news that Koppout's other main business interest, the Powerboat Racing sold their rights for a solitary £1 (or $1.40 or €1.55 if you prefer), and I wonder how clued up Roekke himself is. Think about it, to make the sort of money KIR has requires a bit of nous and some idea of what you're doing. So how the hell has Koppout kept his job? Seriously, the guy couldn't hold down a job cleaning floors in McDonalds. Maybe he left at half-time to learn how to cook fries.

Anything else? Yeah, I did shit on the Grand National. One horse pulled up, one unseated its rider and the other one I backed decided to fall. Bloody crap sport, racing...

So, was it worth it? If you like to be cold and see us play like plop, I suppose so.

In a nutshell: Wank.

Also today, and in essence probably much more important, was the WISA EGM on whether (let's get this right) to ballot all WISA members on whether to back not getting season tickets. Or something. Anyway, the ballot got soundly approved, and I think you'll also get an option to give your ST dough to the Dons Trust, though don't quote me (good job I'm not on the WISA committee or nothing will work properly).

My thoughts? OK, firstly it wasn't the mind numbing slanging match I hoped it wouldn't be. The people who got up and spoke were all anti-ST, except one bloke who went up at the end and admitted he was undecided over the whole thing. Awkward bastard. Secondly, I'm not overly convinced that WISA should be using such terminology as "encouraging", as IMO it really is a bit of an emotive subject. By all means have a ballot but the danger will come if you start to alienate people who do want an ST. And there will be some who will do so, even if they contribute greatly to Dons Trust/WISA funds or activities etc. Needless to say, I did my now legendary impression of Gerry McGuire* MP when it came to that particular little bit.

* - for the uninitiated, Mr McGuire (at least I think that is what his name is) was an MP in Ulster who was asked to vote for the Government in the 1979 vote of no-confidence, was bribed with 3 bottles of whiskey and turned round to say "I have come to abstain in person". It's apparently in Tony Benn's memoirs, according to CUNW.

Thirdly, I still genuinely believe that our collective minds for this particular subject will be made up for us. Don't ask me why, a ST boycott is a helluva major step and I believe that major change happens gradually. You can come back to me by Xmas and have a go at me if I'm wrong on this score. Finally, I really don't like Crystals.....

 

5 April 2002

Thank Satan they don't play football regularly on a Thursday (yet), otherwise SW19 will be even more neglected than usual :) Anyway, bit late, but Limo Riders 2 Railwaymen 0 broke two major curses in one day. You know what they are, and everyone else mentions them, so I won't...

The game? Well, it was basically a bit of cannon fodder really, though in the past we've fucked these games up big time. Not last night though, perhaps the campaign for Stuart Murdoch For Manager should really kick into life. OK, we relied on KD to rescue us when our defence acted like they were watching the Queen Mum lying in state, but still, it was comprehensive enough.

I know my report on procedings is even more vague than usual, but here goes....

Plus points: We win. At SP. In the evening. Solid all round performance. Doing yet another double. The increasing love for Adam Nowland, and he loves us as well.

Minus points: Lionel "I still haven't got a decent song" Morgan gets crocked.

The referee's a...... : Nope, didn't notice him. Anyone?

Playoffs? Possible, though Millwall winning tonight has probably scarped that to a point. Besides, do you REALLY trust the Prem League chairmen to be so anti-MK as the FL? At least a bit of a buzz is happening around WFC, which makes a change from the usual stench around here.

Woking watch: His mum is STILL after me, though I am now assured that she is a nice person. Oh, and Woking was being teetotal, well in comparison to me he was.

Spotted: Reg "Crap Builder" Davis' new car. A yellow monstrosity, with the somewhat self-promoting REG letters as part of the numberplate. Hmm, when the fat Wolves twat asked for a registration plate that showed the world who he was, the DVLA turned down 12C UNT. Can't think why. Oh, and the car is a Smart car, which is the most ironically named vehicle since the Reliant.

Truth is stranger than fiction: Winning a game at SP in the league in the evening for the first time since Barnsley 4-1, and winning 3 games on the trot since fuck knows when. Oh wait, I said I wouldn't mention any of that. Bugger.

So, what of the sold-the-advertising-rights-to-the-powerboat-championships-for-£1-yes-that's-£1 individual who really has gone beyond contempt? He's flipped. Definitely. Yeah, I know the guy belongs in a mental hospital, and if he lived in Victorian times he would have been in the nuthouse being laughed at for being so deformed, but seriously, this bit will shock you : he was seen APPLAUDING and was seen ON HIS FEET during the game. Don't ask me why either, maybe he's been stung by the comments made that he's a swivelled eyed nonce who hates football and is trying to convince the plebs that he really is one of us. Nice try, though I don't think anyone believes him. Coincidentally, Koppout was due to go on Crapital Old last night but was "in the boardroom" and refused to talk to anyone. Maybe Roekke was there and was "punishing" him for the OSP fiasco IYSWIM

Anything else? Yeah, tomorrow for the Bradfart game there's a WISA EGM over the season tickets. Your humble editor will be there not paying attention to anything being said whatsoever as usual, but in seriousness this is quite important. Be there if you're a member, and if you're not, attend and join up.

So, was it worth it? What? Breaking two major voodoos in one game? Why, erm....

In a nutshell: Maybe, just maybe...

Normal match reports will resume tomorrow, I promise....

 

1 APRIL 2002

Enough pretence - I am now a fully paid up member of the MK Dons project. Yup, after passing it on the train today, I have decided that it really IS the way forward for us. No arguments. You see, really we have had no hope at SP anyway, and it's quite clear that when the next council election is over, Merton will drop us like a stone. We're not paying for the stadium and it's not THAT far up there. Hell, you can even go from Wimbledon to Clapham Junction then onto MK.

WISA? Dons Trust? Nice try everyone, worked hard etc but we simply cannot afford it. Football is fucked big time now, and it's only a matter of time before something like this happens, so why don't we be the first? Teams like Palace will be going to Weston-Super-Mare, that's a sure mark. Football isn't really about this community stuff, as nicely placed as it is. Football is just simply too big a business now for small clubs to survive, except in amateur status only. And we never won the FA Cup by being amateur. So I think it's time that really, we all stopped protesting. We all stopped singing "You can stick your Milton Keynes up your arse", and take this club forward. I know it, deep down we all know it's right. Anyone fancy redesigning this site so it now reads MK's Army? Email the usual address please.

 

And in case you haven't twigged, look at the date. SW19's ARMY is still very much MK No Way. Indeed, I would suggest CK FOAD, slowly and very painfully. Don't be fooled, Plough Lane is the only option. You can stop hating me now :)

Anyway, moving very swiftly along, and despite Koppout's best efforts, the team's performance in producing Def Leppard 0 Kiss FM 1 was pleasing, if not entirely spectacular. Are the playoffs REALLY achievable? We'll doubtlessly have a better idea come 9.45pm Thursday but maybe, just maybe, there are green shoots of prosperity growing from the previously stained soil of WFC. On the pitch, at least. In truth, we didn't create that much, played a lot like the away team (especially second half) and we still fuck about with it too much for my liking. But hey, a win is a win, especially from a designated "home" setting. And it only cost a fiver to get in.

Shall we?

Plus points: A win. Away. Without conceding a goal. Stuart Murdoch's record is looking quite decent now, trips to Cleethorpes notwithstanding. Fine play by Kelvin. Neil Ardley played quite well, he deserved his blatantly deflected goal off Judas Curle (laugh? Moi?).

Minus points: KD's kicking yet again. Morgan and Jobi looked out of it. Willo getting crocked in the gob. Not having any shots hardly in the second half.

The referee's a ........ : He was OK as it goes. Unlike some refs, his very presence didn't cause me to split blood.

Quiet: Sheff Utd fans, except for the one 10 year old after the game who gave us a V-sign and told us to "fook off back to Loondon". I guess that must be South Yorkshire speak for "hope you enjoyed your visit to our city, please remember to take the second exit at the roundabout to return to London". Probably.

Reasons to like Sheff Utd: Probably the Harry Bassett thing, but I still feel guilty for them going down in 94, thanks to Hammam and Segers taking the dough.

Reasons not to like Sheff Utd: Well, OK, Sheffield is a dump.

Woking watch: Missed the 1724 from Sheffield to St Pancras, carrying a whole crate of alcoholic beverages, not before giving us a wave (ahem). Hope you enjoyed travelling back with the Wall :)

Your song: Due to the aboveformentioned lack of banter between us and t'Blades, we amused ourselves with the following : "We had Super Kevin Cooper on the wing", aimed at you-know-what. Indeed, Koppout got some right stick, including "Scum" and "Let's all wave at Koppel". More on him later. Elsewhere, a shoe was, ahem, liberated, and was eloquently luzzed about creating the ditty "Shoe are you?". Keith Curle got some - "Are you Koppel in disguise" - though given Judas' anti-MK comments, that was a bit uncalled for. Honest. Moving on, Reefer Womble got it as well - "Womble till you're high", but then so did your humble editor regarding THAT chant. Something about me being the "son of Satan" as well. Hmm. And finally, one aimed at our Northern counterparts following a right iffy challenge on KD - "You're trying to get it called off", after the West Brom impromptu five-a-side contest.

Your song - Lionel Morgan/1125 [officially] special: It has been decided to think of some proper chants for Lionel Morgan. References to his organ by at least one hetro male raised eyebrows, though the clear winner (?) was the tune to that crappy "The Lion Sleeps Tonight". Deep breath - "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the Lionel scores tonight. A win away, a win away a win away" etc. Trust me, that WAS the best one. Is that a barrel being scraped?

Facts for the memory: Did you know that Stuart Murdoch was once goalkeeper for Northallerton, and never progressed higher? That's one for all you fact fans out there.

It is more than my life's worth to say this, hehe: One female womble claiming she was the fittest of all WFC female fans whilst panting and sweating. Me, I never take things out of context..........

Truth is stranger than fiction: Bonus bank holiday edition of this one : (1) Seeing Leeds, Fulham and Spurz fans getting off the same carriage coming southbound towards St Pancras. (2) Shipp's miss in the first 5 mins. Basically, it was easier to score. The poor man's Emile Heskey. (3) Your editor not being inclined to take any pictures of toilets in Sheffield. (4) I-Spy on the train coming back. Nope, not the observation game, but the actual book of railway signs, signals etc, that I thought had disappeared along with the plague and Texan bars. My participation in all this was merely an ironic and highly cynical statement. Honest. (5) Spotting Matthew Parris at Kings X station. He's an ex-MP BTW, and writes for the Times. Wonder if we can get him to join the Trust? (6) A very, very, VERY mad Scottish bloke who tried to start a fight with me on the Northern Line for no apparant reason whatsoever. Would have been quite funny, except the guy did actually want to kill me. No April Fools joke here.

Wahey, it's Koppel time: He was there (I wondered what that smell was), but he did not acknowledge or even LOOK at the players at full time. I really wonder how he feels, him trying to scupper the team and yet they still keep on winning? If he was normal, he would take the hint and go. But he isn't and he won't. If fan pressure and (now bleeding obvious) player dis-satisfaction won't get rid of the little shit stain, what will?

Anything else? Hmm, not really TBH.

So, was it worth it? Yeah, guess so.

In a nutshell: Watch us lose to Crewe.