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29 December 2001
Well
at least the ground thawed out enough so we could endure enjoy
Bell End 2 North End 0. Well, all right, I'm being unkind -
we did actually play OK, and when was the last time we actually got
TWO goals late on in a game? It was pretty bloody cold, mind, and
the longer the game went on, the lower my body temperature got. As
for who scored and what, it took a while - long while actually - and
finally Neil Shipperley netted. Well, actually, it was a lucky
finely anticipated backheel following a shot by Dazza H. A couple
of minutes later, and in a move which killed it all off, some work
on the flank by Jobi who whipped it in for Wu Tang to slot it in the
onion bag made things just a little bit warmer.
Had enough of reading long sentences? Me too. So...
Plus points: A win. A bloody win. And a clean sheet to boot. Nobody actually played that badly, shame the game itself was uneventful save the last 5 mins. Shipperley's best game in a while, definitely deserved the goal.
Minus points: Shame that Coops and Ardley didn't play that swift. There is more chance of Richard Reid being allowed onto an aircraft wearing Dr Martins than anyone at WFC being able to cross the ball properly (on second thoughts, can we sign Reid? He certainly would have an explosive left foot).
The referee's a........ : ... actually, he was all right, but the occasional mishap did irk.
Nice touch: Wu Tang and Jobi's tribute to Kurtis Townsend by pointing to their armbands after the second goal
Points to ponder: (1)
I wonder how we would have got on if the threatened promised
front two of Wu Tang and Nowland really did play? (2) Didn't Ships
look more fitter and indeed more sharper than previous? If that's
what getting the flu does to you, somebody hide the Night Nurse.
SW19 Coaching Manual: I know we won 2-0 today, but there are some aspects of our general play that really do need examining with immediate effect. Quite frankly, I'm fed up of explaining in words what it is, so in case any of our players are passing, please read and pass to Terry Burton. Thank you.
The
inaminate object as illustrated to your left is commonly regarded
as the GOAL. It can be usually identified by having a big fishing
net at its back, and can usually have another player in front of it
wearing big girly gloves, often referred to as a goalkeeper. That
is what Kelvin Davis' job is.
The
usually white (or if you prefer, yellow) spheretical object that is
carried onto the field at the end of play is called the BALL. It is
often identified by a big corporate logo on its exterior, which is
usually sewn in by slave child labour camps in the Phillipines for
a pittance, or for the same amount of money that WFC make on their
Official Programme, whatever is less
Now, the basic idea of the game is to put the spherectical object inbetween your opponents wooden structure as many times as possible. There are two approaches to this, the simple approach and the Wimbledon FC approach. Please examine the two pitch plans below, and compare and contrast the flight of the ball with players in certain positions.
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As can be seen from the two illustrations above, one approach is extremely straightforward and is adopted by about 99% of teams. The other approach is laborious, supposedly "pretty", extremely frustrating and is a major factor in not winning games. If any passing player wishes to know the answer as to the preferred method of scoring a goal, please be aware that the incorrect answer shown above was being utilised far too often today and meant we didn't wrap the game up as early as what we really should have done. Thank you. (next week on the SW19 Coaching Manual - How To Win Friends And Influence People, by C.R.Koppel)
Speaking of thick, deranged, completely irrational and come to think of it suspiciously un-human like Yarpie lawyers: He didn't turn up to the OWFF meeting with all those newly elected members, all of whom were vocally anti-MK in their manifestos. Not like him to not attend meetings. Come to think of it, was he there today full stop? Or did he gobble and choke on Wankelmann's wish bone over Xmas and we've yet to be told?
Quotes: (1) "SHOOT!!!" - oft-heard phrase today, but was yelled just before Holloway shot towards goal which allowed Shipps to backheel Pele-like for the first goal. You see, the manual above and the directions the Holmesdale gives out during games CAN win matches. Fees are negotiable. (2) "Charlie, give us a wave" - Holmesdale checking to see whether Boy Blunder was actually there. Or alive. (3) "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, jingle all the way. Oh what fun it is to see the Wombles win away" - traditional chant by football fans. Sung by us at our designated "home" game. It's funny, but a decade at this dump was supposed to soften us into accepting it - if anything, it's done totally the opposite. Like we all knew it would.
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) That Jingle Bells song really WAS weird. (2) Reading THREE different Y&Bs and not getting bored by any of them. Well done, guys. (3) Were Preston really in the playoff positions? If they can be, so can we. (4) Quite a few PNE turned up. Pretty quiet though.
Anything else? Yeah, Pompey is all-ticket, though after last year's ECW-style rumpus that is probably no bad thing.
So, was it worth it? Why yes, I would say so.
In a nutshell: At least things on the pitch are looking up
26 December 2001
Somebody at WFC really needs to sort their fucking life out. I mean, come on, how bad does that look on Ceefax? The only game in the South East called off because of weather. That is really iffy.
Given the current mood ATM, people really are going to blame the club for even something like this. And when you hear stories that (a) the covers were left off from last Thursday, and/or (b) Koppout pulled the plug because he wanted Y&B to suffer a massive financial loss [a theory given creedence when it transpires that Piss Poorly was less than upset at telling people the game is off, smug little bastard], can you actually blame them?
Can I be fucked to write any more? Not really, all I can say is, people are REALLY angry now....
23 December 2001 [AFTERNOON EDITION]
Honestly,
I don't know. Thirteen Men 2 Nine Men 1 had practically everything
- drama, excitement, excrement and good old fashioned hatred. Drama
- almost pulling a 2 goal deficit back with only 9 men. Excitement
- the manner in which we did so. Excrement - the very manner in which
we found ourselves short in both goal and player counts. Hatred -
David "I want to play for a big club" Nielsen and the guy
who's decision it was to let him go in such a manner (give you a clue
: he looks like a shaven vagina and acts like one as well). Oh, and
the referee as well. Git.
The game? Well, actually I couldn't see most of it as I spent most of it either trying to see or in a red mist, so you'll have to ask others for more specifics :) Basically, it looked like we had a great deal of the play, but Naarwich scored through - aye, you guessed it - following a bit of shitty defending. We kind of got back into it, but in the second half a run through unchallenged from - aye, you guessed it - followed by a somewhat Nico Clasen-esque dive in the box. Penalty, and very rapidly rising blood pressures from the ensembled Womble massive. Obviously it affected Kelvin as well, who decided to throw the ball at - aye, you guessed it - and got to use the communal Palmolive as a special Xmas treat. Should have just kicked him, Kelvin. Feuer came on, we went 2-0 down but we got going again and in truth bossed it for the remainder. However, KD had competition for the Palmolive when a rather light looking off-the-ball incident saw Darlo get the red one as well. Ever spit blood at a game? Even so, we got a penalty which DC converted and we really went pressing old-stylee. Alas, it was not to be....
Anyway, the bits you've been waiting for:
Plus points: The first time I've heard "We're Proud Of You" for ages. Sums it up more than anything I could say.
Minus points: Shit defending for the first goal. The very fact that we practically lost this game before we started.
The referee's a .............. : guy who undoubtedly was bribed by Koppout to cost the game for us. Be honest, can you find any other reason for that performance yesterday? No doubt Koppout wanted to play Mummies and Daddies afterwards.
Old news to most of you, but: I heard THAT Charlie Koppout song for the first time in the way it was meant to be sung. Love it. Probably had even more relevance yesterday than FU Day
Inbred: Naarwich fans. I'm not joking, they seriously are. Quiet as fuck as well.
Steward/CCTV Watch: Eyeing up practically everyone, few got (ahem) "spoken to". Certain people were being spied upon by the CCTV for quite long periods of time. Too long periods of time for my liking. Hmm.
Quotes: (1) "I'm going for a wee-wee" - Drunken One, who's birth certificate does NOT state he is 10 years old. (2) "We're proud of you" - mass ranked Womble ensemble. Brings a tear to my eye. No, really. (3) Anything that was left on Charles Koppout's answerphone message, the content and orator of such messages I am not privvy to whatsoever. (4) "He's a cunt" - alleged comment by a Wimbledon player on Koppout.......
Speaking of increasingly deranged and just as stupid yarpie lawyers: So then Charlie, you're now breaking the record for how many people can you fuck off at one club, beating Robert Maxwell? Well done. You clearly have pissed off TB for flogging David Nielsen behind his back. You probably did exactly the same to Nielsen which made him do his prickish comments. From the quote above, which I shouldn't really publish and I can't really verify, you've now alienated at least some of the playing staff. Probably all of them. So, do you like being unpopular? Do you enjoy masochism? Do you get a perverted pleasure out of tying your own bollocks with piano wire? (Don't answer that last one, I think it may explain that abnormal grin you have). Quite frankly, I've gone beyond hating you. I just find you too pathetic a little man for me to waste valuable hatred on you. I want you out of this club, along with everyone else who cares, but you just haven't got the guts to go have you? No, like everything else you've ever done, when it comes to showing your nerve, we just see a yellow streak. Still, I'll just sit back this Xmas and realise that there is somebody with less friends in the world than Osama Bin Laden.
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The very thought of Nielsen scoring against us is strange, especially considering the circumstances. (2) Very quiet (relatively speaking) journey to/from Naarwich. Xmas office party hangovers? (3) The rich, posh, middle class bourgeous bastards at WISA who so openly betrayed their men-of-the-people stance by travelling by limo to Naarwich. At least we now know where the £15k went towards* (4) A train journey made in the UK which actually got me to/from my destination on time without hassle.
* - serious legal note: I am being tongue in cheek just in case somebody thinks I'm accusing WISA of being hypocrites and/or doing naughty things with membership fees. I know how these things can be taken the wrong way, and I know that WISA have far more important things ATM than defend themselves against such allegations. So don't go complaining, especially when at least 3 of those in the limos are known SW19 readers and know exactly what this site is about (I hope)
Anything else? Yeah, finding out that Ipswich beat Spurz was doubly funny. Especially when it's still within the confines of Carrow Road
So, was it worth it? If the corner is being turned, yes.
In a nutshell: Die, Koppout. Just die.
20 December 2001
Hey all - I'm back running the site. Did you miss me? (oh, I see). Anyway, major league thanx to both Dr Wu and JC for keeping this site ticking over.
Just got my head finally straight, here's my brief $0.02 on all the stuff that's gone on (did a bit of WISA envelope stuffing today just to get back into things): the fallout from FU is still going strong, even now the vibes still feel positive. True, it's merely but a step on the road to enlightenment, but it's none the less a big one. The club are still trying to play it all down IMO, and Koppout's outright bullshit just gets more outlandish. Thing has always been, WFC have lied from day one over all this, because they know the truth will fuck them up big time. Yesterday's Express apparently has Koppout claiming we're losing £100k a week (or is that a month?). Fine - so perhaps we can finally get a straight answer as to why all that lovely transfer dough has suddenly gone AWOL. No, I don't suggest you hold your breath over that score. We all know it's been fiddled in some way, shape or form to make us look like we're going to go out of business.
Interestingly, Koppout - after promising to appear on TalkSport today along with Casale - bottled out. Quelle surprise. When even somebody as lowlife and untrustworthy as an MP appears decent and honest in comparison, you really haven't got a hope in hell of anyone believing you. Wonder if Koppout is slowly but surely getting the message?
Speaking of the bent lawyer, I got sung that Charlie Koppel song today. Personally, I think it sounds better if done by 100 people somehow :)
Also from yesterday's Express, apparently if MK falls thru like it really must do, the current owners will sell up. And if you need any more incentives for that, I pity you
Plough Lane is flattened, and fuck it hurts. Though IMO it really should have been flattened 4 years ago after a farewell match. We all know what happened, the hatred still won't die down over that.
Meanwhile, you should all know the OWFF results. I understand (all right, I eavesdropped) that the draft minutes for that particular meeting is going to seriously embarrass the club, especially when it has to be printed on the OS. Though what is the betting that a) it gets, ahem, "altered", and/or b) the OS ever so "forgets" to publish it, and/or c) the OS suddenly and inexplicably closes down ?
On the pitch, well, does anyone actually care? Well, somebody might, though TBH I haven't followed what we're doing all season. I don't even know the league table and what's more, I don't actually care. Still, FWIW, David Nielsen is a cunt. Not just because of those comments he made about us (we were warned by Grimsby fans about this...) but also because he's given the SW19 Livery department a major headache. Remember what they say about not doing stuff with current players? Anyway, as we all know, Neilsen has gone to Naarwich, and guess who their next game is against? Yup, you guessed it.
It appears that TB isn't too pleased with Neilsen going, actually. He did mention about it being at boardroom level, and this coming after TB admits he may lose DC. How fucked up is this club?
Other than that, it may be shaping up to be a nice Xmas. Recharge your batteries, enjoy Naarwich if you're going and let's go for the final push come the New Year.
Oh, and can somebody lend me a tenner? Please?
REPD
16 December 2001 [PM EDITION]
On a day when off the field events were considerably more important than the match itself, it’s not hard to know where to start this report. Fans United – what a success! It was obvious during the week that Fans United was going to be huge, but to see fans from so many different clubs was simply astonishing. After today, the magic bus trip yesterday, and the recent press releases from Roger Casale and Merton Council, it seems clear that the only people that don’t want us back in Merton are Messrs Koppel, Rokke and Gjelsten.
Before the match, I bumped into Mark “Bomber” Williams outside the ground, and got talking to him about Plough Lane. “Plough Lane would be ideal” he said, “At the moment it’s so far for the fans to travel, and it would be perfect for me, because I live in Wimbledon Village.” Nice one Bomber!
And so onto the match itself. We won! It was a game in which we always had the advantage in, but then we’ve all heard that before… Damien made his first start since his injury, and was class personified. When he wasn’t fizzing perfectly weighted balls around the midfield, he was winning every tackle going. He did, however, appear slightly rubber-limbed – no surprise given the seriousness of the injury he suffered. I’m not sure we’ll ever see him recover that extra yard of pace he used last season to such great effect, but on today’s performance, frankly, who cares.
We started the match brightly, with an Ardley header hitting the post after only a couple of minutes. We continued to press, and although we had a Connolly effort (rightly) ruled out for offside, we couldn’t make the breakthrough. Half time came and went. Forest still looked reasonably solid in defence, yet Jenas apart, strangely clueless going forward. Ten minutes in, another corner was won, and Micheal Hughes scampered across to take it. His lofted cross was flicked on, and eventually met by the shaven head of Chris Wilmott, scoring his first ever senior goal. Cue pandemonium. We had chances later in the game to finish Forest off, but Wimbledon being Wimbledon, we opted for the nervy 1-0 win.
Plus Points: The defence. Darlington and Holloway in particular excelled. Indeed Holloway could have scored with a lovely curling effort near the end. Chrissy “That’s a girl’s name innit?” Willmott looked solid, and Sir Kenneth of Cunningham dispatched the Forest invaders with imperious ease. Oh, and Shipperley. He was MOTM, don’t you know.
Minus Points: Koppel. In a HT interview on ITV he said that thoughts of a return to Plough Lane were nothing more than a “pipe-dream”. Twat.
Quotes: “Blimey, you really do have a small team”. My mate, who in all seriousness thought our mascot was a player. “Are you Koppel in disguise?” WFC fans to the linesman who disallowed Conno’s header. “Hey, heeeeey Koppel, we wanna know, why you’re such a c***” Womble fans doing our very own DJ Otzi impression.
8 December 2001 [PM EDITION]
Well, this is my first update in the absence of our esteemed webmaster, who is currently off stalking Mr Koppel in Florida. :o) Well, for the first time in quite some time, there is some good news to report. Yesterday a Government inspector blocked Safeway’s application, for the third and final time, to build a supermarket on Plough Lane. This leaves Safeway with a decision to make: sell the land, or use it for housing. Merton Council, ever helpful, released a statement asking Safeway to consider the possibility of returning the site to Wimbledon Football Club. However, even if Safeway were prepared to return the site, would Mr Koppel really be prepared to take us home? Perhaps if the arbitration rules out MK once and for all, even the short-sighted Koppel might realise that Plough Lane is the only way forward.
Oh, and we won at Stockport today, with goals from (Super) Kevin Cooper, and David Connolly. Stockport did manage to pull a goal back, with not a little help from the referee, who saw fit to overrule the linesman’s, sorry the assistant referee’s, offside decision. We remain in 17th place, but this result might just have saved Burton’s job.
Doc.
6 December 2001 [PM EDITION]
Right then, this is going to be my last update until the 18th, unless anything REALLY major happens between now and the time I go to bed tonight. The site will be in the capable hands of Dr Wu (writing) and JC (coding), so you won't go hungry. I will of course still be contactable of sorts, last time I looked the USA did have these things called "computers" with this thing called the "internet". So don't slag me off behind my back... Oh, and I badly need somebody to do Stockport. If you're going, let Dr Wu know, send any reports to him. I would like to know SW19 style what goes on there, please?
Anyway, turns out that Stewart Robson, a man who many (myself included) thought was going to take over from TB should he get the elbow has been elbowed himself. Why? Basically because the players didn't like him. Or rather, his apparently tough training regime. Now, this to me is a bit worrying - remember the player power shit during Drillo's time? Can you tell the difference? Bunch of players playing badly, hold meeting and decide they want to do things "their" way. Meanwhile, the club is going up the swanee quicker than you can say "lousy business deal" and it's two years ago all over again. All we need now is for the Lebanese Tax Evader to drag his greasy smelly arse from Taffland and SW19 will be posting War And Peace-length articles each day, every day.
So what now? Well, it appears that a "proven coach" will now take the reigns - whether that means TB or not I don't know. All right, so I'm stirring, but here's a point : should Stockport beat us, TB's job could be on the line, and up steps somebody called Clive Barker. So I've heard anyway, and a large degree of sodium should be taken on THAT score. But it's clear that all is not right at WFC on the playing side. Very strong rumours that TB and Robson had a major league bust-up in Holland in pre-season look to be holding very true. Couple this with you-know-what and these are very lean times here. Still, if adversary builds character, we're the strongest fuckers anywhere.
As for Robson, it's a shame, I always liked him and I found him more, well, "confident" to speak to than TB. Maybe the players didn't like a strong character? It would explain a lot.
Meanwhile, and this from W&WW, Koppout is in Florida.....
Over to you guys.
REPD
3 December 2001 [AM EDITION]
Firstly, sorry for the delay in the Coventry report. My bad. Or rather, my laptop bad. Anyway....
Ever
get the feeling that you can't be bothered any more? Well, after watching
Home of Ska 3 Home of Scabies 1 I think even die-hards are
wondering why the fuck they bothered. Exactly what Koppout wants,
of course, so naturally we'll still be there next week (well, most
of us will anyway). As for this poor excuse of a performance, what
can I say that doesn't involve mass swearing and questioning of Terry
Burton's parentage? Not a lot, so I'll leave you to fill in your version
of events if you want to. It was that bad. It's quite breathtaking
to see just how badly this MK wank has affected all aspects of the
club. Last season I would have fancied our chances against teams like
Coventry, now? Well, the result above says it all.
Where do we go from here?
Anyway...
Plus points: Well at least Jobi scored. DC played as well as can be expected.
Minus points: I pity anyone who had to pay to get in yesterday.
The referee's a..... : inconsistant RNIB member.
Coventry: Wank place. Wank fans. I could go on about how they chanted "MK" at us - forgetting how their chairman was one of the Eight Heroes - or how they really do see themselves as rivals of Villa, or how relatively quiet they were despite pissing over us, but I won't. Oh, and if the Germans want to do to Coventry today what they did during the last war, they wouldn't hear any complaints from me.
Quotes: Apparently, I missed a load on the train, so those there will have to fill in the blanks here. Still, at least it appears I got home all right. They didn't. Anyway.. "I've changed my mind about playing for Wimbledon. I'm going to play for Coventry instead because then I can come out to the Specials" - Scouse Womble and Specials fan. Listening to the PA system yesterday, and you would think that they had a 2-tone album on rotation.
MIA: Trond. Ou est il? And the guy we all know as Yorkshire Womble said he had some time to kill after the game, so he wanted to have a word with TB. I await the court case :)
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) How bad was that game? (2) Hughes' miss into a pretty clear goal - he basically sidefooted it. That's Michael Hughes BTW. Still think he's god? (3) The amount of people who asked me about my BK København shirt was getting somewhat ridiculous. Hey, it's called beating the merchandise ban. Next person to ask me about it will have their name and address taken and will find a letter to Koppout in their name saying how much they agree with what he's doing. You've pushed me too far, people.......
Anything else? Yeah - why is our defense so shit?
Was it worth it? No
In a nutshell: Get those 2nd division ground maps out for next season.